Birthday jealousy. Creating standards

amother

Today at 11:27 am

A fee year ago when my son then turned 6 or 7 years old we decided to make him a deprive party decoration balloons and cake. Our family had been going through some hard times and we felt at that point this kid needed some extra tlc. After that we went back to acknowledging birthdays
Sometimes making a extra special supper with not much more. At first it was appreciate. Then we had some family members that everytime we got together with them insisted our kids celebrate with them their children's birthday. My kids are always so excited but some of their birthdays fall out the same time as their children. They want to know why we don't celebrate birthdays when we get together. Knowing it means something to them once or twice when it worked out I have made a bigger celebration. The kids younger ask how come I only made a huge birthday for that child that year. It doesn't alway work out. Every year they ask for bigger presents. When the kids are younger it's easy to please them with cheap presents like an individual doll. Especially the kids whose birthday comes out mid year. But we have been buying them all afikomen presents to prevent fights. Then their is chanuka. And my pre-teens now only want more expensive presents like electronics that many of their friend have but we can't afford to buy all our kids. How to set standard lower but still want to make kids feel special.

amother

Bronze ↓

Today at 12:02 pm

Your family members wait until you are already going to be together and then decide to celebrate their kids bday? Or they specifically invite you to a birthday celebration?

Also I wouldn’t celebrate only some of my kids bdays and not the others. I can understand that really not feeling great.

Maybe explain that if they don’t have a birthday party they’ll be able to have a bigger present. Do you have money to give one child one bigger gift each year?
Let them decide a big afikoman present or a fancier bday present?

What kind of electronics are you talking about? Something affordable for you or that you would approve of or totally not?

amother

Babyblue

Today at 12:10 pm

I feel like there’s separate issues here. Why aren’t you celebrating your childrens birthday? You can bake a cake and pick up a few balloons from the dollar store, it doesn’t need to be costly. And definitely not okay to celebrate one child’s birthday and not acknowledge anyone else’s. I understand some kids need something extra sometimes but you could have done it in a different way- taken them out alone or even bought them something randomly. But celebrating a birthday, it’s a milestone ALL of your kids accomplish every year and it’s totally unfair to celebrate it for one but not for all

amother

Strawberry

Today at 12:13 pm

You need to come up with a tradition and stick to it. Everyone gets one balloon on the day of their birthday etc.. and same for chanukah/ afikomin/ birthday presents.. set a price limit and say you need to choose in this range. It’s all about setting limits and expectations. And I tell my kids often we can talk about what you need specifically but we can’t talk about how you need things just because someone else has it. So a sentence that starts with it’s not fair, I need because he got, I just don’t listen. If they say I would really like xyz because it means abc to me then we can discuss if it’s doable or not. Or we can discuss an alternative that makes more sense for our budget and lifestyle.

amother

Clematis

Today at 1:57 pm

I think any family can celebrate a birthday, regardless of budget.

one family goes out to restaurants , another takes the birthday kid out somewhere special…

We always had a cake growing up nothing fancy. Usually it was on shabbos that week of the birthday bc everyone was around…

My kids still are young rn we have a family birthday party with pizza and a cake…

Other presents afikoman /chanuka are minimal it’s really the thought that counts.

amother

Cadetblue

Today at 2:10 pm

I'm not really clear on the exact issue. Is it that some of your children's birthdays are getting more fan-fare than others? Is it about your kids' birthdays not being celebrated in a big way compared to other families? Or is it more about your children wanting, materially, what they see others getting and that not being an option for your family's budget?

My suggestion is that children's birthdays should be made special, regardless of finances. And all the kids birthdays should be on equal footing (bar/bat mitzvah year aside). Come up with some family traditions and use them across the board so children know what to expect and look forward to. It could be as simple as the birthday child deciding the dinner menu and choosing a game or activity for the whole family to participate in that evening.

amother

Denim

Today at 2:15 pm

We don't have much money.
I our house birthdays are celebrated- the English birthday the birthday child chooses a birthday supper (from the regular meals I serve). And we sing happy birthday at suppertime.
Hebrew birthday, I bake a cake for the child. They get to choose chic or vanilla and color of icing.
We sing happy birthday again.

One set of grandparents give a set amount every birthday. The other set of grandparents will give a small gift that the child wants under $15 or so

The fact that other than bar/bas mitzvah, this is how we celebrate makes no jealousy yet the kids all feel special.

amother

Carnation

Today at 2:15 pm

Birthdays should be celebrated for all kids if possible. I do a bigger part at 10 as they are double digits. One child, took them out to eat with grandparents in a fancy car (child is car obsessed)
One child, surprise family party.

Other birthdays, depends on the year. Some years we took them out for supper. Some years we do nice supper in the house. Honestly depends on the state of the child and what they want.

I give them all Chanukah presents and afikomen presents I give a limit to the order ones to choose within. Younger they tell me what they want.