I'm Changing from a Shpitzel to a Sheitel

NechaMom ↓

Today at 12:45 am

amother Springgreen wrote:

Yes, I did read your post. Every single word of it. I also saw what you said about consulting daas torah, but I have no idea which daas torah you asked. I also said that since it seems that you wrote this thread AFTER already speaking to your daas torah and therapist, that you should rather go and ask THREE rabonim such as those I listed.

Why does it sound like you're the mother in law here? Who asked you to how many and which rabbonim she should go to?
ETA after reading the entire thread I see I'm not the only one who thought so.

Last edited by NechaMom on Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:58 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Today at 12:46 am

NechaMom wrote:

Why does it sound like you're the mother in law here? Who asked you to how many and which rabbonim she should go to?

Maybe she was hurt by one of her kids and is channeling her pain here, we can't know.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 12:46 am

amother Petunia wrote:

From marriage or changed? How did she handle them?

I'm not trying to be yentish, I'm trying to understand her anger.

From marriage. I was her favorite DIL because I was the one who did not wear a wig. And now I betrayed her so terribly.

amother

↑ Petunia

Today at 12:50 am

amother OP wrote:

From marriage. I was her favorite DIL because I was the one who did not wear a wig. And now I betrayed her so terribly.

This explains it better. As a chassidish mother of marrieds, I can validate her pain and humiliation. If you indeed consulted with a rav your mil respects and was guided as you relate, perhapscgo back to him and discuss her outbursts. If the rav indeed knows you mil, he should be able to guide you on how to handle her too. Your therapist should also help you in this regard.

↑ NechaMom

Today at 1:01 am

amother Petunia wrote:

Maybe she was hurt by one of her kids and is channeling her pain here, we can't know.

So it's okay to make her aware that she should MHOB here and in real life. Her responses were truly controlling and it's okay to let her know that.

amother

Topaz

Today at 1:28 am

First hugs and you are so brave.
As In everything else in life she WILL have to deal with it . If she wants to get over it eventually great and if not than it’s not your problem. If it’s not the shpitzel she will find something else at this point your mother-in-law should accept you for who you are not what you wear. And if she can’t than she should go for help or deal with it but it’s not your problem
You bh sound like you have a great husband and ravs backing you you don’t need anyone else those who want to talk and judge they will anyway nothing can stop these ppl. Hashem should give you koyach to get through this. And you should never have any bigger or more problems in life.

amother

Cyan

Today at 1:38 am

amother OP wrote:

She didn't demand it from me when I got married. It's the downgrade in tznius that bothers her.

What about the UPGRADE in your mental health? That should make her HAPPY!

↑ Raizle

Today at 1:43 am

amother Petunia wrote:

You asked for chizzuk, I can respond how I feel. Don't expect to make a life altering change and everyone should sing
you praises. Expect some backlash too. Don't like it? Don't ask. You can't dictate people's reponses.

Umm, this site does have rules ya know. No it's not acceptable to hijack a posters thread because you don't approve of her life choices that she chose with her husband, daas Torah and her therapist

Iymnok

Today at 2:15 am

Hold your beautiful, sheitel adorned head high and treat your MIL with the same respect you always have.
But watch out, the beauty of your shalom bayis, adherence to daas Torah and you confidence will be intimidating!

Be'ezras hashem, they will all come to respect you and admire you for the wonderful person you are becoming.

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Today at 3:20 am

amother Daylily wrote:

.your mother is devastated but she doesn't even wear one herself!!

I find it kind of comical.

amother

Anemone

Today at 4:55 am

I cant give advice on handling your MIL but just want to comment that I am blown away by your self awareness and have a lot of respect for you for all the hard work it took you to get to where you are. Hatzlacha with everything!
Heart

amother

Poppy

Today at 4:59 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Your mother and MIL need to get a grip.

I think its ok to have some compassion for them

The live in communities where people will talk about them and they feel like it reflects badly on them, on there chinuch for the child to be "downgrading" there tznuis.

I even think its ok to say something like, I am sorry that this is painful and upsetting for you.

And still stick to the one hundred percent appropriate and correct decision. You asked Daas Torah, this is what you and your husband always wanted and you where pressured into doing to make other people happy. You where never brought up with this value/chumra and no one should ever take something extra on for other people - it should always be because you believe in it and believe it is giving nachas to hashem.