I'm Changing from a Shpitzel to a Sheitel

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Again, I'm not going to share who we consulted but suffice is to say that my MIL consults him too when she has an issue.

Would it be a good idea for this rav to speak to her so she is more accepting?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:08 am

b.chadash wrote:

Op, you got a lot of good advice here.
I have nothing to add except to say you sound like an amazing, smart, sensitive, authentic woman who will go far in life.
It's very hard to disappoint others, but they will get past it. Eventually they will come to accept that you are your own person.
Hatzlacha!

Thank you

Your words brought tears to my eyes!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:09 am

amother Petunia wrote:

Would it be a good idea for this rav to speak to her so she is more accepting?

I did actually think about that but the Rav has declined to do so. He's not my attorney, he's my Rav... and its against his policy to discuss advice he gives to others with family members.

↑ Raizle ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:11 am

amother Vanilla wrote:

3 rabonim isn't going rav shopping. It's just asking daas Torah, not a halacha shaila

You do realize that is not mainstream right? Most people go to one rov. If you have some shtick or minhag to go see 3 and that's on you. Leave OP alone and don't impose your shtick on her.

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:12 am

amother OP wrote:

I did actually think about that but the Rav has declined to do so. He's not my attorney, he's my Rav... and its against his policy to discuss advice he gives to others with family members.

Can he suggest someone that can talk to her?

↑ Raizle ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:18 am

amother Petunia wrote:

For the record, there's daas torah and there's daas torah.

Since we don't know whom they asked, we can't be impressed when a chassidish couple downgrades a levush. I can understand emotionally where you are coming from and can validate your decision, but throwing in "we asked daas torah" doesn't add up to much, if the daas torah isn't one accepted in the chassidish community.

Sorry op, it must be a roller coaster for you.

Imamother is not a place where people come to bring their teshuvos from their rabbonim validated. No one is asking you to authorize her rovs decision.

Do you go to all the threads where people say they spoke to a rov and question the validity? Or only the ones that offends your sensibilities because OP may be rejecting a chumra you believe in.

I don't think she cares if you are impressed by her answer from her rov nor is she asking for your approval or recommendations from who or how many rabbonim to go to.

I think you should ask go to your 3 rabbonim that were recommended here and ask them if you should be on the internet

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:23 am

amother Petunia wrote:

I truly did not ask for you or anyone else to be "impressed".

amother

PlumPink

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:23 am

This is what I have found. I have worked in shpitzel wearing communities and a few women have changed from shpitzel to shaitel.
In the beginning, yes, people will talk about you. Your mother in law will throw a tantrum.
You know what you're going to do? Keep your head up high and smile. Ignore the talk. Tell your mother in law you will not tolerate this behavior.
In a couple of weeks or months, people will move on to the next piece of gossip. Your shpitzel to shaitel story will be a thing of the past.
And you will know that you are stronger and better for it. You will know that you stood your ground and did what is best for you and your DH.
And you will be , and should be, proud.

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:30 am

amother OP wrote:

I truly did not ask for you or anyone else to be "impressed".

You asked for chizzuk, I can respond how I feel. Don't expect to make a life altering change and everyone should sing
you praises. Expect some backlash too. Don't like it? Don't ask. You can't dictate people's reponses.

amother

Tanzanite ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:31 am

Omg
I am not even commenting on OPs choices here. That's between her, her husband, her Rav, and Hashem.
But the gall some of you have questioning her daas Torah and that she must consult with 3 Rabbanim. I am truly flabbergasted.

And Springgreen, the possible mil, where are you?

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:34 am

amother Tanzanite wrote:

She ran to the rav they both respect.

amother

Tangerine

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:37 am

I’m super happy for you that you’re making a choice for YOURSELF!

Find the joyfulness in this special mitzvah now that you can do it as you wish!!

Hatzlacha:) Really I’m happy for you. It must feel so liberating.

Don’t mind what people comment. It’s your life and what are they actually going to do? Be a yente? Disapprove? Who cares. It’s a shame this is what they choose to waste their precious time on. Ignore and focus on yourself and your family who truly cares about you and your happiness in life.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:37 am

amother Petunia wrote:

You can respond how you feel and I can respond to how you feel however 'I' feel.

Sing my praises? No thanks. Please only sing my praises if I do something that deserves it - like saving a life. Backlash? Fine, I expected it. And I have the right and the ability to respond.

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:40 am

amother OP wrote:

We can agree to that.

Just a question to understand better, does your mil wear a shpitzel? Are you the first in her or your mother's family wearing one?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:42 am

amother Petunia wrote:

We can agree to that.

Just a question to understand better, does your mil wear a shpitzel? Are you the first in her or your mother's family wearing one?

She wears a shpitzel. Two of her DIL's wear sheitels as well.

amother

Aconite

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:44 am

OP did not ask for a comment on her decision but on how to handle her mil's response. It doesn't actually matter what the decision was.

It's assur lehalacha to consult 3 Rabbonim with the same question. It says Asay lecha Rav and one of the pshatim is that you need to have ONE Rav so that you have clarity in what you do. Many advisors can bring confusion.

If people honestly feel that OP needs to be kept from making a terrible mistake, there's a way to say that.

OP you sound like you're doing so well on the emotional front, even answering back to all these people here, I'm sure you'll do well in real life too.

amother

↑ Petunia ↓

Mon, Nov 25 2024, 12:44 am

amother OP wrote:

She wears a shpitzel. Two of her DIL's wear sheitels as well.

From marriage or changed? How did she handle them?

I'm not trying to be yentish, I'm trying to understand her anger.