I'm Changing from a Shpitzel to a Sheitel

amother

Goldenrod ↓

Yesterday at 6:54 pm

Wow, this is such a difficult situation.

Does she know that your husband is fully on board with this and actually prefers this? Or is part of her devastation because she perceives he is disappointed.

amother

↑ Bisque ↓

Yesterday at 6:56 pm

Tbh I think this thread needs to be in chassidish vinkel. They’ll know how to answer you better.
I did a change a few years ago. Or as big as yours. It’s big and hard but if you follow your heart and daas Torah of course, you’re doing the right thing.
Chazak chazak sister.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 6:56 pm

amother Goldenrod wrote:

She knows my husband is on board but I was careful to take complete responsibility. I didn't want him to be the fall guy.

amother

↑ Goldenrod

Yesterday at 6:56 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Yes, I did read your post. Every single word of it. I also saw what you said about consulting daas torah, but I have no idea which daas torah you asked. I also said that since it seems that you wrote this thread AFTER already speaking to your daas torah and therapist, that you should rather go and ask THREE rabonim such as those I listed.

Of course you have no idea which daas torah she asked. Because this is irrelevant to you. Why would YOU, a random person, get to have any say in who she asked or what she does?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 6:56 pm

Raizle wrote:

OP, I'm confused.
You mother doesn't wear it, why does she want you to?

She didn't demand it from me when I got married. It's the downgrade in tznius that bothers her.

amother

↑ Periwinkle

Yesterday at 6:59 pm

queene wrote:

Hi there is someone on Instagram who shared her story of going from shpitzel to sheitel. Even tho her account is public I don't feel right to post the name here..please pm me and I can send you the info. If you don't use Instagram I can try to message her for you and see if you can contact by email or text.

I actually posted her info upthread, she was very vocal & public about it.

↑ Raizle ↓

Yesterday at 6:59 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

What? Who do you think you are? Whats it to you to know who her dass Torah is. She isn't coming to you with a shaila.
This is so audacious I'm actually shocked.

amother

↑ Daylily ↓

Yesterday at 7:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

She didn't demand it from me when I got married. It's the downgrade in tznius that bothers her.

is it a downgrade or a different way to cover your hair?
(I am not chassidish and I usually buy 24 inch wigs that get trimmed a bit so maybe I am not understanding....)
why can't you tell your mother that a shpitzel is not something your husband wanted? that's not called a fall guy, it's called the truth!!
it's a mitzva to make your husband happy (of course within the realm of Halacha...)

amother

Vanilla ↓

Yesterday at 7:00 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

If she wants to talk to me in real life, I will gladly share my contact information with her. I will also go with her and help her contact three respectable rabonim.

Why wouldn't she take you up on the offer? [b]

Last edited by amother on Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:01 pm

Raizle wrote:

Did you miss the part where she wrote her husband never wanted a shpitzel to begin to? She isn't wearing shpitzel because she believes in it, even get mother doesn't wear it. She's doing it to please others. It's for all the wrong reasons and get husband doesn't even want it. Where does this concept of speaking to 3 rabbonim? She are you complicating things for her further? She already got daas Torah, who are you to suggest it's not enough?

She is going this with the advice and support of her therapist, husband and daas Torah, all the right avenues and you think you know better?

Honestly it sounds to me like you are someone who believes in shpitzel and it's anti sheitel and you are imposing your views on the OP.

Thank you

↑ Raizle ↓

Yesterday at 7:02 pm

amother Jade wrote:

Respect please.
And yes Every time someone 'downgrades' in tznius. it is kinda the worst thing, to use your words.
Which is why OP spoke to daas torah.

She is not the one being respectful actually. And in OP s case it's not a downgrade because it was never something she or her husband believed in and they were only doing it to please others

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:02 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

Unfortunately there's many people who are very narrowminded and they'll blame my husband for influencing me in a bad way. So I made sure to clarify it was my decision (it was).

amother

↑ Jade ↓

Yesterday at 7:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Unfortunately there's many people who are very narrowminded and they'll blame my husband for influencing me in a bad way. So I made sure to clarify it was my decision (it was).

It seems like you have a great shalom bayis! The care and concern you have for each other is beautiful to see!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:05 pm

Raizle wrote:

She is not the one being respectful actually. And in OP s case it's not a downgrade because it was never something she or her husband believed in and they were only doing it to please others

Exactly. Its not about the sheitel making me happy - when you make major life decisions only to get the approval of others it'll get you depressed.

amother

↑ Daylily

Yesterday at 7:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

Unfortunately there's many people who are very narrowminded and they'll blame my husband for influencing me in a bad way. So I made sure to clarify it was my decision (it was).

I think your marriage will come out stronger from all of this...
imagine how respected your husband will feel that his original wish was kept to!
sounds like he specifically asked for not a shpitzel!! and you're aligning with that..
it's like you are choosing him over his parents and that is such a good feeling!

↑ Raizle ↓

Yesterday at 7:06 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

I don't think it does because its not that OP had changed her beliefs system.
She was never genuinely wearing it for the reasons people typically do.
It's not about hashkofa in this case, it's about relationships and I think it's ok for it to be discussed with others outside of that world

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 7:07 pm

Raizle wrote:

What? Who do you think you are? Whats it to you to know who her dass Torah is. She isn't coming to you with a shaila.
This is so audacious I'm actually shocked.

A lot of pick me energy in her post, tbh.

amother

↑ Jade

Yesterday at 7:07 pm

Raizle wrote:

Others do not understand why the mil is so devastated and so on. I agree it should've been in the chassidish velt.