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Forum
-> Fashion and Beauty
-> Sheitels & Tichels
amother
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 Yesterday at 6:40 pm
OP, I'm sure you expected that reaction from the parents. It's normal for them to want you to stay in the shpitzal.
And you still planned to make the switch. Their tantrum shouldn't keep you back from what you already decided. Daas Torah gave you the go ahead. Maybe discuss it again with daas torah.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:41 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | She's upset because this is a downgrade in modesty and the community will talk about me (in a negative way). |
Tell her it’s ok she can just put one on to make them talk about her instead. But really who cares. Don’t live your life by fear of gossip. And you’ll be old news in one day when they hock about the next person.
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amother
Pumpkin
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Yesterday at 6:41 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | Sorry I'm not going to give you chizuk to remove your shpitzel and put on a shaitel.
You said your husband is a great guy. So who cares if you were married to satisfy your parents or not. Would you have rather married a bad guy with a shaitel and not have satisfied your parents?
It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of these intense emotions, but I don't think that the shpitzel or a shaitel is really going to solve your problem or even touch on the deeper issue.
I also think that you should reach out to three rabonim and say all of the above to them. - Such as: Reb Leibish, Toldos Aharon Rebbe, R' Shlomo Leib Weinberger, R' Yaakov Meyer Shechter, R' Aizek Spinker, or someone like this to discuss it with rather than a group of anonymous women who do not have the ability to answer a rebbishe shaila. After speaking to them, one way or the other, you won't feel the need for outside chizuk because you'll feel strong having discussed it with daas torah.
I wish you only the best. |
How do you know she didn't ask a shayla? So what everyone who is wearing a sheitel is less than? This comment is beyond insensitive.
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sequoia
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Yesterday at 6:41 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | I also said that since it seems that you wrote this thread AFTER already speaking to your daas torah and therapist, that you should rather go and ask THREE rabonim such as those I listed. |
Is that a thing? 
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:42 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thanks love. I appreciate the kind words.
I think I will be proud of myself. If its only for taking a stand and finding my own way in life instead of being an extension of someone. I think if I stay with the shpitzel I'll feel imprisoned in my own misery, angry at myself and the world for being a coward. |
Here's your answer ❤️
Hatzlacha!
(Coming from someone who doesn't wear sheitels out of the house)
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:42 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | Yes, I did read your post. Every single word of it. I also saw what you said about consulting daas torah, but I have no idea which daas torah you asked. I also said that since it seems that you wrote this thread AFTER already speaking to your daas torah and therapist, that you should rather go and ask THREE rabonim such as those I listed. |
You are being controlling. She doesn’t have to do this your way.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:43 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | Sorry I'm not going to give you chizuk to remove your shpitzel and put on a shaitel.
You said your husband is a great guy. So who cares if you were married to satisfy your parents or not. Would you have rather married a bad guy with a shaitel and not have satisfied your parents?
It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of these intense emotions, but I don't think that the shpitzel or a shaitel is really going to solve your problem or even touch on the deeper issue.
I also think that you should reach out to three rabonim and say all of the above to them. - Such as: Reb Leibish, Toldos Aharon Rebbe, R' Shlomo Leib Weinberger, R' Yaakov Meyer Shechter, R' Aizek Spinker, or someone like this to discuss it with rather than a group of anonymous women who do not have the ability to answer a rebbishe shaila. After speaking to them, one way or the other, you won't feel the need for outside chizuk because you'll feel strong having discussed it with daas torah.
I wish you only the best. | I was going to say the same thing. But OP said she spoke to daas torah already.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:44 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | Sorry I'm not going to give you chizuk to remove your shpitzel and put on a shaitel.
You said your husband is a great guy. So who cares if you were married to satisfy your parents or not. Would you have rather married a bad guy with a shaitel and not have satisfied your parents?
It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of these intense emotions, but I don't think that the shpitzel or a shaitel is really going to solve your problem or even touch on the deeper issue.
I also think that you should reach out to three rabonim and say all of the above to them. - Such as: Reb Leibish, Toldos Aharon Rebbe, R' Shlomo Leib Weinberger, R' Yaakov Meyer Shechter, R' Aizek Spinker, or someone like this to discuss it with rather than a group of anonymous women who do not have the ability to answer a rebbishe shaila. After speaking to them, one way or the other, you won't feel the need for outside chizuk because you'll feel strong having discussed it with daas torah.
I wish you only the best. |
She doesn't have to reach out to anybody just because you said so.
And you're also an anonymous woman on the internet.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:44 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | Yes, I did read your post. Every single word of it. I also saw what you said about consulting daas torah, but I have no idea which daas torah you asked. I also said that since it seems that you wrote this thread AFTER already speaking to your daas torah and therapist, that you should rather go and ask THREE rabonim such as those I listed. | I have to agree with this.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:45 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | Yes, I did read your post. Every single word of it. I also saw what you said about consulting daas torah, but I have no idea which daas torah you asked. I also said that since it seems that you wrote this thread AFTER already speaking to your daas torah and therapist, that you should rather go and ask THREE rabonim such as those I listed. |
I don't intend to share which Daas Torah I asked. You're free to consult whomever you wish for your own personal problems. Everyone has their own Rav. My question was not whether I should do it - that's already been decided. My question was how to deal with family members who are not taking it well.
Frankly, you truly lack empathy. I wish you the best and request that you stop interacting with me. Your words have not helped. Thank you.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:45 pm
| amother Lavender wrote: | She doesn't have to reach out to anybody just because you said so.
And you're also an anonymous woman on the internet. |
If she wants to talk to me in real life, I will gladly share my contact information with her. I will also go with her and help her contact three respectable rabonim.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:47 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | If she wants to talk to me in real life, I will gladly share my contact information with her. I will also go with her and help her contact three respectable rabonim. |
Who do you think you are? Are you for real? Leave her alone this is not your business.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:48 pm
| amother Jade wrote: | OP, I'm sure you expected that reaction from the parents. It's normal for them to want you to stay in the shpitzal.
And you still planned to make the switch. Their tantrum shouldn't keep you back from what you already decided. Daas Torah gave you the go ahead. Maybe discuss it again with daas torah. |
Yes, I expected the reaction from my mother and in many ways I actually understand her. Her response has been off putting but she's been treating me with the same amount of love and respect ever since - calling me, texting me, inviting me for Shabbos meals. So I even don't care about her reaction so much - I think it was spontaneous and she just doesn't have the emotional depth or understanding to get where I'm coming from. Its my MIL that flusters me. Completely!
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:49 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | If she wants to talk to me in real life, I will gladly share my contact information with her. I will also go with her and help her contact three respectable rabonim. |
Lol everyone writing here is a real person. But why should she listen to YOU? Who are you?
Just so you know, you may think that taking off a shpitzel is the worst thing in the world, but it's not. Someone lied to you.
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giftedmom
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Yesterday at 6:50 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | | If she wants to talk to me in real life, I will gladly share my contact information with her. I will also go with her and help her contact three respectable rabonim. |
You’re delusional
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abound
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Yesterday at 6:50 pm
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Try to rach out to your ra and ask him how t bst handle your mil. But otherwise, honestly, I would tell you not to talk abt it anymore. just do it. Try not to see her for the next few months so its not in her face. Keep telling her you love her but this decision was made.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:51 pm
| amother Lavender wrote: | Lol everyone writing here is a real person. But why should she listen to YOU? Who are you?
Just so you know, you may think that taking off a shpitzel is the worst thing in the world, but it's not. Someone lied to you. | Respect please.
And yes Every time someone 'downgrades' in tznius. it is kinda the worst thing, to use your words.
Which is why OP spoke to daas torah.
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:53 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | Sorry I'm not going to give you chizuk to remove your shpitzel and put on a shaitel.
You said your husband is a great guy. So who cares if you were married to satisfy your parents or not. Would you have rather married a bad guy with a shaitel and not have satisfied your parents?
It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of these intense emotions, but I don't think that the shpitzel or a shaitel is really going to solve your problem or even touch on the deeper issue.
I also think that you should reach out to three rabonim and say all of the above to them. - Such as: Reb Leibish, Toldos Aharon Rebbe, R' Shlomo Leib Weinberger, R' Yaakov Meyer Shechter, R' Aizek Spinker, or someone like this to discuss it with rather than a group of anonymous women who do not have the ability to answer a rebbishe shaila. After speaking to them, one way or the other, you won't feel the need for outside chizuk because you'll feel strong having discussed it with daas torah.
I wish you only the best. |
How dare you…. If you don’t have anything nice to say… don’t
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amother
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Yesterday at 6:54 pm
| amother Jade wrote: | Respect please.
And yes Every time someone 'downgrades' in tznius. it is kinda the worst thing, to use your words.
Which is why OP spoke to daas torah. |
It’s actually not the worst thing ever. Yes someone should be consulted but it’s really not the worst thing in the scheme of things.
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Raizle
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Yesterday at 6:54 pm
| amother Springgreen wrote: | Sorry I'm not going to give you chizuk to remove your shpitzel and put on a shaitel.
You said your husband is a great guy. So who cares if you were married to satisfy your parents or not. Would you have rather married a bad guy with a shaitel and not have satisfied your parents?
It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with all of these intense emotions, but I don't think that the shpitzel or a shaitel is really going to solve your problem or even touch on the deeper issue.
I also think that you should reach out to three rabonim and say all of the above to them. - Such as: Reb Leibish, Toldos Aharon Rebbe, R' Shlomo Leib Weinberger, R' Yaakov Meyer Shechter, R' Aizek Spinker, or someone like this to discuss it with rather than a group of anonymous women who do not have the ability to answer a rebbishe shaila. After speaking to them, one way or the other, you won't feel the need for outside chizuk because you'll feel strong having discussed it with daas torah.
I wish you only the best. |
Did you miss the part where she wrote her husband never wanted a shpitzel to begin to? She isn't wearing shpitzel because she believes in it, even her mother doesn't wear it. She's doing it to please others. It's for all the wrong reasons and her husband doesn't even want it. Where does this concept of speaking to 3 rabbonim? She are you complicating things for her further? She already got daas Torah, who are you to suggest it's not enough?
She is going this with the advice and support of her therapist, husband and daas Torah, all the right avenues and you think you know better?
Honestly it sounds to me like you are someone who believes in shpitzel and it's anti sheitel and you are imposing your views on the OP.
Last edited by Raizle on Sun, Nov 24 2024, 7:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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