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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:11 am
| amother Gold wrote: | | So then what did she want to do more than that? She’s asking about relations.. |
I really don’t think so
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:12 am
| amother OP wrote: | My reasoning behind the shidduchim Is that we believe Kids should finish college before getting married. So even if she did have a boyfriend and wanted to marry him, I wouldn’t allow it until she’s done w collage. When you let them start shidduchim so early, they wanna just get married before down w education, which isn’t ok.
I know how hard it is to be juggling work ,School ,and having a child so that is not an option for her at the age of 19. |
This makes no sense. You don’t want to tell your 16 year old she can’t have a boyfriend. You think it’s her decision. When she’s 20 you won’t allow her to get married because you believe kids should finish school before getting married. Finishing school before getting married is a good idea but I don’t understand why you’d force that idea of yours on a 20 year old adult but you’re afraid to tell a 16 year old what a bad idea it is for her to have a bf. I think you’re the one who has very definite ideas about finishing college before marriage but is unsure about the whole bf idea. From a purely religious standpoint, a sixteen year old girl with a bf around the same age is a much bigger problem than getting married before you graduate college. You need to get your own values clear in your own mind before you can deal with your daughter.
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chanatron1000
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:12 am
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I don't see anything wrong with telling a child, "you can't make my mistakes, you'll have to make your own new ones."
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:14 am
So then what do you think it means?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:15 am
I’m just gonna tell her no. Hope that solves everything
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:16 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I’m just gonna tell her no. Hope that solves everything |
It actually won't solve the fact that you don't have clarity about your values which is the root of this confusion. Good luck digging through it and gaining real clarity moving forward!
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:17 am
| amother Bluebell wrote: | | It actually won't solve the fact that you don't have clarity about your values which is the root of this confusion. Good luck digging through it and gaining real clarity moving forward! |
Thank you! I’m really gonna try!
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:17 am
Op did you change some details here for anonymity? Because I don’t really believe you have a 16 year old daughter. You write like you are in your low 20’s.
It’s ok if you want to change some details, but you don’t sound the age you are pretending to be.
(And it’s not just writing style, it’s maturity altogether and hashkafically you sound young too. As your kids get older you constantly redefine your values. By the time you have a 16 yr old, you know a lot about yourself and your values. You don’t seem to have that awareness yet which is unusual. )
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:18 am
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It also won't solve the problem that you aren't communicating clearly with your daughter. You don't know exactly what she had in mind and if you just say no, she won't know what you had in mind.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:19 am
| amother Sienna wrote: | | This makes no sense. You don’t want to tell your 16 year old she can’t have a boyfriend. You think it’s her decision. When she’s 20 you won’t allow her to get married because you believe kids should finish school before getting married. Finishing school before getting married is a good idea but I don’t understand why you’d force that idea of yours on a 20 year old adult but you’re afraid to tell a 16 year old what a bad idea it is for her to have a bf. I think you’re the one who has very definite ideas about finishing college before marriage but is unsure about the whole bf idea. From a purely religious standpoint, a sixteen year old girl with a bf around the same age is a much bigger problem than getting married before you graduate college. You need to get your own values clear in your own mind before you can deal with your daughter. |
This is why I think it’s a troll. As I’m following this thread, it makes less and less sense.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:21 am
| amother Cappuccino wrote: | | This is why I think it’s a troll. As I’m following this thread, it makes less and less sense. |
I’m not a troll. I really am trying and doing the best for my dd I was just confused and coming here for advice and ppl are now assuming I’m not even telling the truth? I feel very supported thanks very much
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NechaMom
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:22 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I’m just gonna tell her no. Hope that solves everything |
And they lived happily ever after.
Amazing how easily we can solve serious issues here.
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amother
Pansy
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:36 am
OP while I hear your reasoning about not wanting your dd to start shidduchim at 18. She is obviously looking for a relationship, obviously more than just casual, with a male. Perhaps by you telling her that she can start shidduchim at a younger age it will quell her desire for a bf relationship knowing it's not in the so distant future.
And I would think marriage at 18 would be a better frummer option than a boyfriend at 16.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 24 2024, 12:36 am
| amother Pansy wrote: | OP while I hear your reasoning about not wanting your dd to start shidduchim at 18. She is obviously looking for a relationship, obviously more than just casual, with a male. Perhaps by you telling her that she can start shidduchim at a younger age it will quell her desire for a bf relationship knowing it's not in the so distant future.
And I would think marriage at 18 would be a better frummer option than a boyfriend at 16. |
I agree
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