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-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Nov 19 2024, 5:25 pm
Anyone have any resources with some guidance on how to answer these type of questions? Ds (4) is starting to ask similar kinds of questions and I’m not sure how to answer. He’s young now so I know it’s very limited but I’m not sure what limited information to even say.
I am particularly not interested in lying and saying babies come from the store or hashem does magic. I’m looking for advice from professionals who might have a book/course on this.
I recently heard a podcast by a parenting expert and she gives some guidance but it’s very explicit what she says and I’m thinking she means older kids, not as young as DS.
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amother
NeonGreen
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 5:26 pm
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There is a special hole that hashem opens for the baby to come out.
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amother
Steel
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 5:27 pm
They grow inside their mother.
You don’t need books or resources for this.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 5:32 pm
Find out more about what he wants to know
Answer the specific question he is asking in the most general terms. Everything you say should be true.
Usually it’s not as specific as we initially think the question is.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 5:34 pm
I believe in honesty, and I don't think including "babies are a nes from Hashem" is dishonest.
A baby grows inside its mommy. Hashem decides when it's the right time.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 5:35 pm
| amother Garnet wrote: | Find out more about what he wants to know
Answer the specific question he is asking in the most general terms. Everything you say should be true.
Usually it’s not as specific as we initially think the question is. |
This.
We visited family with my few-week-old baby and an unrelated child asked, "where did the baby come from?" We froze awkwardly. He just wanted to know what city we had come from.
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amother
Steelblue
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 6:20 pm
I agree. Saying babies are a gift (or nes) from Hashem is absolutely an acceptable answer at this age and is definitely not dishonest. Even if you do everything "right" it still may not work.
If that's not the route you want to go in answering the question that's fine, but nothing dishonest with this answer.
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mathbrain
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 7:33 pm
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My son kept asking us how the baby comes out when he was 7 or 8- too young for an honest answer. He knew my stomach wasn’t cut open, because he once asked me if I ever had surgery, and I said no. I just told him that it’s something I’ll answer fully when he is a bit older and more mature. He was totally chilled with that.
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amother
Lightblue
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:13 pm
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We used the book “What Makes A Baby” at that age (I was pregnant so of course my older one started asking lots of questions). It has a lot of accurate information, but doesn’t include intercourse which I wasn’t ready to get into yet. I think we did edit a couple lines to use language we were more comfortable with but overall it was a good resource.
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observer
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:21 pm
You don't have to lie and you don't have to say anything not appropriate for his age. It's not a contradiction.
People tend to get so nervous about these topics, it's not that hard to answer a 4 yr old.
For example:
Ds4: Where do babies come from?
Mother: They grow inside Mommy for a long time until they are ready to be born and they come out.
Ds4: How do they come out?
Mother: There is a special opening for them to come out.
Ds4: How do they get inside Mommy's belly?
Mother: Well, they don't start out as a baby. It starts out as a tiny little dot inside Mommy. Then it grows and grows and grows until it becomes a full size baby.
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amother
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:27 pm
You really don't need to pay for a couse or program to learn how to explain this to your child by age level.
Just clarify exactly what child wants to know and answer with basic information for that age. A few years later child will ask for more details and you will supply it .
With basic bio please make sure to tell them how hashem makes and amazing world and our bodies just perfectly. Bring hashem and hashkafa into the conversation.
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amother
Ginger
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:29 pm
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I tell my kids that a doctor goes to school for many years and they know how to take the baby out.
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amother
Lily
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:42 pm
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There is a pinned thread about this somewhere on Imamother but I think it’s for older kids
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amother
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 9:46 pm
| amother Ginger wrote: | | I tell my kids that a doctor goes to school for many years and they know how to take the baby out. |
What if someone comes to school and discusses their knew baby born at home? How will that align with what you told your child
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essie14
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 11:19 pm
| observer wrote: | You don't have to lie and you don't have to say anything not appropriate for his age. It's not a contradiction.
People tend to get so nervous about these topics, it's not that hard to answer a 4 yr old.
For example:
Ds4: Where do babies come from?
Mother: They grow inside Mommy for a long time until they are ready to be born and they come out.
Ds4: How do they come out?
Mother: There is a special opening for them to come out.
Ds4: How do they get inside Mommy's belly?
Mother: Well, they don't start out as a baby. It starts out as a tiny little dot inside Mommy. Then it grows and grows and grows until it becomes a full size baby. |
Exactly this.
My DD is super curious and has been asking questions about everything since she was 3 years old.
This is what I have told her. She knows there are 3 holes, one is for a baby to come out of at the right time.
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amother
Vanilla
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Tue, Nov 19 2024, 11:43 pm
| essie14 wrote: | Exactly this.
My DD is super curious and has been asking questions about everything since she was 3 years old.
This is what I have told her. She knows there are 3 holes, one is for a baby to come out of at the right time. |
Same. My daughter was 3 and I was pregnant and she was asking how it came out. I started off a bit vague but she was specifically asking how they got it out of me. By that point she already knew it was in my belly, and I'd mentioned a while back that it was in the uterus in my belly. (Because why ever not just name the anatomy correctly and there's nothing scandalous about a uterus.) And she already knew that she has a vulv@ and girls have vulv@s. But I knew if she was asking she wanted to know. And I prefer her to know she can always come to me for an honest answer.
So I simply told her that sometimes a baby comes out of the v@gina and sometimes the doctor needs to get the baby out of the tummy. (Because both are true, depending on if a woman needs a c-section). And she was fine with my answer.
Maybe this is for the funny things kids say thread, but the other day she asked if our baby was a boy. She knows our baby is a girl. So I said no, she's a girl, why? She said "why does (baby) have olive skin?" And then I realised that shortly before that, she overheard a woman ask where the baby's olive skin comes from and I said DH has olive skin. She must've thought that DH is a man, has olive skin, so maybe olive skin makes a man/boy?
So I explained that no, she's a girl, but her skin is more tan like Abba. I said a baby is half from their Abba, half from their mommy. She didn't care to ask how that works. Thank God.
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Iymnok
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Yesterday at 1:17 am
I answer the question they're asking, not more. Any less and they will keep asking.
Save the intimacy part for the puberty conversation.
Clarify what they're asking and answer that.
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mizle10
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Yesterday at 4:08 am
Of course don’t lie.
Age appropriate answers.
Hashem makes them grow in mommy’s tummy.
My 4 year old is very aware there’s a baby in my stomach right now and not a watermelon:)
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amother
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Yesterday at 4:30 am
| amother Thistle wrote: | This.
We visited family with my few-week-old baby and an unrelated child asked, "where did the baby come from?" We froze awkwardly. He just wanted to know what city we had come from. |
And had you responded that it was in your belly and now it was ready to be born, it would have been accurate and appropriate!
but lol not surprised that was what the kid meant- most very youngkids don't have the ability to really think through the topic to even know what the questions might be to ask!
I personally don't explain female or male anatomy to my young kids, they know that those parts are private and not for public consumption and that they look different girl/boy but not in more detail.
When they ask I will answer in an age appropriate way
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