S/O How much did it cost to marry off child POLL

nech-3041

Yesterday at 6:44 pm

So to keep my expenses minimal because that’s just my nature I did a L’Chaim style vort in my parents house. All the food was homemade so it barely costed me anything. I got cheaper wigs like $800 each no they’re not lace tops etc. All the Sheva Bracha’s was done by others in their own home. Shabbos Sheva Bracha’s was only immediate family plus a minyan because we’re both oldest in our family and was the first wedding for both sides. The hall with vendor package was maybe 20k yes a Takana hall. My mom sewed my wedding gown and my siblings got from Gemach for $100-200 a piece. An organization covered hair and makeup for the family. We got basic apartment setup just beds and night table and dinette. Got cheap second hand couch and ikea bookcase. We did basic gifts because we’re both tight. Yes I got everything slowly over my first 5 years of marriage. Once I knew that I had to pay for everything myself I knew I wanted to save wherever possible. DH isn’t picky under any circumstances so we told our parents to fly a kite. I hope that helps people who want to budget. We got our expenses down to 25k for my side of the family my parents paid for the wedding itself bit my in-laws offered to do 50/50 even though we’re not Chassidish my family is simply bigger and my in laws felt bad for them and didn’t want them to have to take charity.

amother

Bisque ↓

Yesterday at 9:59 pm

mfb wrote:

Can someone who did the second choice please post a breakdown??? I want to know where I went to wrong and spent close to 100,000?

I'm the poster from the other thread who said she spent around 30k.
You didn't do anything wrong, I'm just poor and we tried to save money.

Also on the boys side... we got a good deal from a friend on jewelry, spent around 6k. Flowers for the vort (350), we paid 1/3 for the hall so 4k. Clothing for chasan and family around 5k, but I don't like to include it because we needed clothing regardless. If we wouldn't buy a hat now, we would have bought for yom tov instead, and vice versa.
I bought a new shaitel on sale for approx $1200 (also technically not a chasuna expense), I bought my gown for $300, and my daughters got from a friend, but if I would have gone to a gemach it would have been a few hundred dollars at most.
Chasan rebbe I think $1500, shadchan $1500, flying in my son $1000 (this was pre Oct 7 so it was cheaper). Makeup I think around $300 but I have mostly boys so just two faces, around $500 for stamps, and I spent around $5,000 altogether on the aufruf.

I think I'm still under 30k... I must have missed something but really I covered it mostly I think.

I did help a little with furniture (not a lot) and I bought them a car which was a huge expense but it's not really a "wedding expense", it's a life expense, so I'm not including it.

amother

↑ Sapphire

Yesterday at 10:39 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

So that’s how you got to 30k. If you deduct a car, all clothing that you might have bought anyway, and anything that you or the couple consider life expenses you will bring a 50-60k wedding down to “30k”. At the end of the day you are actually parting with 50-60k or having a tzedaka or relative do so.

amother

↑ Bisque

Yesterday at 10:45 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Um ... really nice. I included clothing, shaitel etc even though I don't think it's a wedding expense, I'm still under 30k (do the math).

I did buy a car but please explain how that's a wedding expense, especially since we bought it a few months later. If you include the car we are up to 40k... still under 50k.

amother

Tomato

Yesterday at 11:03 pm

Every community spends elsewhere. In chassidish circles, girls and boys sides typically pay the same, 50/50, so son or daughter doesn't change things. Both give different gifts, but similar cost. But it's accepted to "set up" a couple so that they don't have major expenses for the first years of marriage. This means high quality furniture (not Ikea or second hand), enough dishes, towels, linens not just for a couple, but for a family, and yes, generous amount of underwear, socks/tights, etc. (That's why it's counted as a "wedding" cost.) That is the norm in the community, though obviously there will be exceptions. Ideally, the couple doesn't need to spend on furniture or housewares for a while, except crib/beds for children Be"H. So while the wedding itself can be quite reasonable, like 18-35k split in half (including music, photographer... and exact amount depending on whether takanah or not), it's setting up the couple that adds so much, as well as high standards around gifts, gowns, etc.
It is definitely a tremendous stress on parents, but other communities are stressed in other places, like paying for seminary, which is not standard in the chassidish community. And as s/o mentioned, some communities have norms of 65-100k for the wedding night, but that doesn't leave the couple with anything substantial once the wedding is over.
It's not a perfect system, and ppl are always collecting for less wealthy families who are marrying off, but that's why it's so expensive in our world.

amother

Outerspace

Yesterday at 11:28 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

Very well said!

I mentioned on a different thread. I’m chasidish, got married 14 years ago and my parents did everything very standard for our community. Nothing over the top, but also not tekunas.
My wedding, vort to shabbos sheva brochos and everything in between, accounting for every dollar spent, costed apprx $75k per side
And yes, ‘shtafir’ costs a pretty penny, clothing, both shabbos and weekday, pjs, underwear… a kallah gets a lot and only the best.

I remember looking through the excel sheet at some point and marveling how everything was accounted for as well as how everything adds up.

If I want to marry off my children with the same standards, I’ll need to account for massive inflation and that scares me!
I.e. One man band was $1500… someone of that caliber charges min 5k today
Flowers, photographers and so much more got so much more expensive since.