If you yourself (or your child)where left behind a grade....

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 12:15 am

are you happy you were? Is your child happy (if she's old enough to really realize - like a teen or above) Not talking about a drop before the deadline, but a lot more then that (like 6 months or more before)

Dd was very behind in all areas when in preschool so we put her into a specialized school where bh they were able to address her spefic learning disabilities and is doing great now. I have no regrets. We all agree for this coming year she should be mainstreamed (current school doesn't have any higher grades then she's in, and she's caught up enough that it doesn't make sense to put her into another Special Ed school).

In her current school she's top of her class now which has been amazing for her. When we put her there, she had no self esteem left, hardly spoke up, would copy other people (bec she didn't have confidence to come up with her own ideas or answers), didn't talk to the other kids so much and etc. Now she has tons of friends, has no problem answering questions and etc....

When mainstreamed, I would say she would probably be at the lower end of the class and may need some support (but with that hopefully can manage to keep up to grade level now that she gained new skills from her current more specialized school). I feel like it will be a very hard adjustment though, and I'm afraid she'll lose her confidence again.

I never thought to leave her behind but when I see how confident she is now, I feel so bad putting her back into the position she used to be in. If we would leave her behind a year, she's be at least half a year ahead of her classmates which she'll feel so good about....and yeh I know eventually that gap may start to close, but by then hopefully she'll have friends and a good foundation and hopefully it won't effect her self esteem as much. (She won't feel like she's doing a grade twice bec current school doesn't go by the regular grades of mainstream school. So her age will be the only thing letting her knew she's behind, she's also still very young 6-7 yrs old)

But is this a good enough reason to even consider leaving her back? When I was in school I had a friend who was left behind who was so self-conscious about her age bec of it. I don't want to do that to her either.... Curious to hear other people's thoughts and feelings... I also especially would love to hear from others who were left behind if they are happy or upset that they where.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 12:18 am

I wasn't left back myself but I can speak as an educator. It sounds like she's in the ideal situation to be held back. She's not repeating a year, she's not watching her classmates move up and leave her behind, she needs a slightly lower level and slower pace, from what you've shared here, I would say for sure to hold her back. Obviously, there are elements and subtleties that you may have not shared that would change my answer but based strictly on your post, I would say to hold her back.

amother

Opal

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 12:21 am

I was skipped a grade (kindergarten) and then went back a grade (4th). I was involved in the decision both times and don't regret it at all. I was academically fine and probably could have stayed in the higher grade but socially I did much better in the class below.

Usually there is a pretty wide range of ages in a class. If she will be very significantly older it may be an issue, but it's more likely that she's just a month or two ahead of the current oldest in that class.

amother

Pink

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 1:30 am

I'm just trying to figure out how you had so many stages of her schooling and she's only 6-7 years old!

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 1:41 am

Dc was in a special Ed class for kindergarten and then mainstreamed into kindergarten. So yes, dc is almost a full year older than classmates.

Not yet teenage, so can’t answer to that. But b’H no regrets.

The only time I would give it more thought is with a boy because it’s visibly noticeable when they’re bar mitzvah.
But really I think the extra year can only do them good.

amother

Smokey ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 1:49 am

I went to school a year late so I was the oldest by about 4 months which was my biggest confidence boost.
When they were talking about keeping my daughter down I was discussing it with the schools psychologist and my worry was her relearning everything again. If kids are bored in class it does more harm than good usually.

If she joins the younger class is she going to be relearning what she learnt already or will it be different stuff? How will she manage with being taught again the same thing?
For DD she knew her stuff but they were worried she wasn't grasping as fast as the class, if we taught her something she knew it got her frustrated so her whole year would have been frustrating for her.
We ended up sending her up with a private tutor twice a week in school to make sure she is managing to keep on level with the class (plus ritalin)
BH she is doing so well, it is 2nd yr now and they are already talking about her not needing the tutor.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 1:50 am

amother Pink wrote:

I'm just trying to figure out how you had so many stages of her schooling and she's only 6-7 years old!

She went to a regular pre nursery and nursery. Then we took her for an entrance exam at 2 regular schools and she didn't get accepted into either of them bec they saw she was really delayed. So we sent her to a special Ed school and now she's ready to be mainstreamed bh.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 1:54 am

amother Lemon wrote:

amother Scarlet wrote:

amother Smokey wrote:

Thanks!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 2:02 am

amother Smokey wrote:

So being the oldest didn't bother you?

As far as her being bored, something tells me that she'll be ok relearning the stuff, that she'll feel good knowing things right away as opposed to having to try hard to keep up and it won't be a problem....

But it is an option to set her up with her private tutor as you did to keep her at grade level...

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 2:04 am

Is your DD tall?

Would she stick out as much older?

If she would fit in size wise I would look leave her back.

amother

Antiquewhite

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 2:07 am

I left my KGer back this year, she's doing KG again and doesn't seem bored with relearning any of the info, if anything she feels amazing that she easily knows everything they're learning. (We didn't leave her back because of academics, more because she was one of the youngest in the class and had very low self-confidence, wasn't participating much, just stayed on the sides and watched, and we felt it would be better for her self-esteem throughout school if she was on the older end of things instead. And so far BH she's having an amazing year, loving school, participating and enjoying.)

Rabbit613

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 2:13 am

Holding her back sounds like a good idea to me.
I held a child back because he was immature and had low self confidence.( He was one of the youngest in his class.) It was the best decision for him. He did much better socially with the younger kids and became much more confident in himself. I am still very happy with our decision.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 2:14 am

Rabbit613 wrote:

amother Antiquewhite wrote:

That's great! And I would love that for my dd. If she would be one of the youngest I wouldnt hesitate to do that also, but since shes not...(Her birthday is 3 months past the deadline)

amother

Molasses

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 4:14 am

I was the second oldest in my class and I hated it. I fit in size wise and I had friends. But I was always uncomfortable that I'm a year older than the rest if the girls. I resented my parents for putting me in that position.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 4:26 am

Kept my daughter back for academic needs. She currently fine but complains often for social reasons. She isn't a teen yet but constantly says other's are immature. Part of me regrets holding her back.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:10 am

Teacher here. This year I have a child in my class that I'm recommending the parents keep him down. Everything takes him that bit longer than the rest of the class and I feel that making him the oldest gives him the best chance for success. You want them to feel confident and not like they're the one always lagging behind.

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:47 am

School told the parents that they need to keep their
Daughter back because she is November baby and not up to par. She was happy to go to
School ip to this point . The parents were not happy about this but accepted that the school knew best. One year later the happy girl is miserable , bored, refuses to go to school every morning and school has become a struggle.

Chayalle

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 8:11 am

I was born just after what was the deadline back then (it didn't used to be January!) and my parents initially pushed me ahead, so I was the youngest in the class. I used to cry every morning going to school (I actually remember that!) and they ended up having me repeat kindergarten. I remember feeling bad not to go to class with my two best friends. But I'm sure it was the best thing for me.

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 8:54 am

amother Seagreen wrote:

She asked for personal experiences

mfb

Sun, Nov 17 2024, 9:05 am

I think you have to work with her social age. If learning is hard for her it will be hard in any class but if she’s socially mature than put her with her real age

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