Anyone work full time with kids and no cleaning help?

amother

OP ↓

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:28 pm

No judgment whatsoever to those who have full time help (even without a job!) but I'm wondering from those mommies who work FULL time and have little kids and husband who works or learns full time and don't have any cleaning help... HOW DO YOU SUPERHEROES DO IT???

Even just one week without help feels so impossible (I have a few kids under 4). What's day-to-day like? I'm so curious how it works... do you have guests? what's cooking like? do you feel like you're barely managing and have no time for yourself?

thesoundofmusic

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:39 pm

I was litterly thinking on shabbos how I am dying to write such a thread on imamother.
I have bli"h seven kids, I work five very full days a week, my husband learns and works. I have no cleaning help. it is sooooo hard.
if you ask how I manage - so I dont.
whenever I have koach I straighten up, I have huge piles of clean laundry that dont always get folded, I dont let myself stress about dishers- my husband or I will get to it at some point, I dont have guests to often because in israel most people dont host so much, the thing that is the hardest for me is to leave the morning mess and then to come home to that plus the afternoon mess. sometimes my husband cleans up and sometimes my teenage kids. I try to keep a clam energy -our house is a very fun place to be- my kids always have freinds over, I try to ignore the mess when I can, sometimes I get upset at the kids:( sometimes we do prizes or pizza after a family cleanup, we have "laundry parties" but honestly nothing beats a good cleaner a few times a week. btw I get to shabbos very deeply exahusted because friday is my only day off and I have to do it all on that one day which is immossible... I have also forced myself to accept that going into shabbos the living an dkitchen will usually be nice but not necessarily hte resst of the house. it doesnt make it easier just bareble.
both my husband and I are responsible money wise- our income doesnot match up with our expenses. I wish I could just ignore that and pay for help but it seems so irresponsible so I dont. maybe its not a good choice... I just dont know.... there are so many mental health benifits and more to a nice clean mesudar house....

amother

Burgundy

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:48 pm

I think there's much more people assuming other people are managing than people feeling like they're managing. I have 3 under 5, work 30 hrs a week. Everyone has clean clothes to wear even if it wasnt folded in their drawer before getting put on. Everyone has food to eat even if it's sometimes frozen pizza served on disposables. No one's feet are sticking to the floor but I wouldn't recommend eating off of them. The guest bathroom gets cleaned prior to a guests arrival. My windows are only cleaned when my kids want a shabbos job. My robot vacuum finds most of the missing socks

I will occasionally hire a cleaning lady for when my house really needs a scrub but I can't fit anything regular into the budget at this point. My house isn't most peoples standards of clean and I don't feel like I'm managing but at the end of the day, it's just functional enough

amother

Pearl ↓

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:49 pm

I have help 2 hours once a week. Not nothing, but not much. My kids (I have 6 ka"h) help a lot and so does my husband. I don't find it sooo hard, it's just life. My husband learning for many years for me is the greatest joy in the world. I don't have huge expectations in terms of housework, but I do like a neat, clean house. What I don't like is to be called a superhero. I'm just a normal lady who works hard and tries my best. Depending on the current point in life I feel more or less overwhelmed.

amother

Midnight ↓

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:50 pm

No cleaning help. 5 little kids we both work full time. We split the cleaning and the kids help with some chores of their choosing. Robot vacuum every day. I quickly straighten up every evening. Laundry mostly on Sunday. I prep a few dinners on Sunday the rest during the week. I try to cook one thing for shabbos every day so it's not all saved for Thurs night. Grocery shopping on Sunday. My house isn't perfectly clean but definitely to the cleaner/neater side. I bh don't feel deprived or overwhelmed for the most part. I don't understand how ppl spend so much money on cleaning help, especially those that can't really afford it.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:56 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

okay, sorry... when I go weeks without help I feel like a superhero but didn't mean that in an offensive way!

amother

Nemesia ↓

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 3:59 pm

My sister lived like that for a long time. She was always stressed and exhausted she hosted from time to time but you can see the toll it took on her. She didn’t have much time for her kids either. I understand why she did it bec she simply couldn’t afford it but it’s really far from ideal. If you can afford it please get help for your and your kids sanity.

amother

↑ Midnight

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:02 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

You have no clue that the reason she was stressed and exhausted was because she didn't have cleaning help. Ppl can be stressed and exhausted from numerous things...especially from financial reasons such as debt. I think it's absurd that cleaning help became a "necessity" and you are depriving your kids if you don't have help. I think it's sad that people go into debt for it or feel like they should take charity for it ( and obviously I'm referring to a typical situation, not if someone is physically or mentally ill or has a child with special needs)

amother

Brown

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:02 pm

I have 2 under 4, work full time, and take night classes. My basic tricks are: laundry is still clean if it’s not folded, roomba (mopping attachment too), and prioritize clean over neat. If I only have a small amount of strength, I’d sooner spray down the counters than pick up toys because mice and ants aren’t attracted to legos. Motzai Shabbos is when I do a full cleaning, the rest of the week we just manage. For meals, I divide everything into bags with marinade when I buy them so that dinner is a simple transition from freezer to pan to oven. And anyway most nights my kids just want fish sticks or pizza bagels. Hope this helps!! You are a superhero no matter what!

Edit: forgot to add that I do host quite often- nothing fancy, just the usuals in greater quantities. Shabbos with kids always requires cleanup, no matter how many others join.

amother

↑ Pearl

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

okay, sorry... when I go weeks without help I feel like a superhero but didn't mean that in an offensive way!

Lol I'm sorry if I sounded offended, I'm totally not! I just meant that I don't look at it that way, I just take it very matter of factly, we do what we can and don't do what we can't!

amother

Hyacinth

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:22 pm

I had 4 kids little one with special needs who was running to drs and no help. This is how I did it.

Lived in a tiny apartment.
I let go of expectations.
Quick sweep every night.
Only cooked in foil pans or one pot dinner.
Toys are left out. They will be packed out again the next day.
Thursday night or Friday dh and I would do a full cleaning and straighten up it took about an hour. For shabbos the house was spotless
Laundry once are a week.

Bh now I have lots of help I just became more lazy. I’m enjoying it but if she doesn’t show up I don’t get excited. My house doesn’t have to look like a magazine.

amother

↑ Nemesia

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:28 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

You’re right I don’t know the whole story but I do know from what she would share with me and what I saw from being in her house pretty often.

amother

Currant

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:31 pm

Lower standards. Lower them some more. Yes, both my husband and I were working full time with little kids and no cleaning help. Everyone tidying up for five minutes in a room makes a big difference. Wash dishes every night. Clean the floor before Shabbos even if it's just a swiffer and sweeping or vacuuming. Laundry every chance you get. Clean laundry gets sorted into bins per person, but not folded.

amother

Lightcyan

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:32 pm

I suppose I'm part of the gang.
I work full time Sunday -Thursday but from the house so occasionally I can get 30-60 mins during the 9 HR work day to do housework.
DH learns and works. We usually only get to bed after 1 am and work day starts at 8 am when the kids leave to school.
My oldest is 7 and I have 3, with BH another one on the way.
When we saw the floors were either getting disgusting and ignored or doing mopping at 1am we decided to get a robot mop&vac and thats our cleaner. It makes the house lookore decent even when it's not. I find floors just makes the difference.
Dishes are sometimes left for the next day to be washed and hot meals I only have to cook for DH & myself as kids get a proper hot lunch in school and mainly happy with easy supper. So we end up sometimes eating late once I manage to get to it. I stick to simple recipes on repeat instead of trying different ones which is more time consuming.
Winter I use Motzei Shabbos to get an advance on my laundry schedule and to bulk meal prep for the freezer.
House isn't the cleanest I wish it was. I try making myself lists of the stuff that gets neglected for when I have a free 5 mins but I don't make myself crazy.
I don't host besides married in-laws occasionally or nephews in yeshiva

Hashem_Yaazor

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:36 pm

I have a double digit family and work outside the home 32 hours. We won't discuss the hours that spill over.

My house isn't very neat and my husband pulls more than his weight despite his high task load. But he works from home. So he'll load the dishwasher in the morning before going into his office... Switch a load of laundry in the middle of the day. That type of thing.

He's very makpid on his Sunday learning schedule and night seder and he's also involved in other klei kodesh needs. His work will sometimes get done late at night or weekends in order to juggle it all...

amother

Chartreuse

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:39 pm

OP Yes me no cleaning help, I don't like it and DH doesn't see the point since all they do is clean around the clutter lol been trying to get rid of the clutter but it takes time and energy.

When my kids were much younger I had a babysitter that came 2 hours a day and she helped me clean as well. Now I have no cleaning help but we manage. I clean a different room or do a different project every day. It does get overwhelming sometimes but I don't see a point in cleaning help. I rather save the money for retirement so I can enjoy life when I'm done working.

amother

Electricblue

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 4:48 pm

Yes! Me! My husband and I share the domestic duties. My husband does the cleaning and laundry (though I help fold and put away) iI do the food shopping and cooking . He does the dishes and I do the dishwasher.

Of course it’s wonderful that my husband and I are partners. But low expectations are key too.

amother

↑ OP

Sat, Nov 16 2024, 5:38 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Wow, you sound like you're running such a heilige bayis. Hashem should give you much bracha!