Help! This is driving us crazy!

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 9:14 am

One of my daughters whispers loudly
whenever she davens, says tehillim, shema..... and it's really been getting on our nerves. It can be heard afew rooms over and I don't know why it irks my so, it literally makes my skin crawling & my other kids get nervous and keep shushing her. I don't want to insult her or make her feel bad. How can I explain to her in a nice way that she should try to daven quieter as it irks people around her?
TIA

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 9:20 am

amother Impatiens wrote:

How often is she davening that it’s such an issue?

She davens at home over the weekend or when there's no school, but it's an everyday occurrence when she says shema or benching.
She's starting to go daven in shul on shabbos & I don't want other people to be bothered by it & maybe say something not nice to her.

watergirl

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 9:25 am

Teach her the halachos of voice level when davening. We learn this directly from Chana. One is not supposed to daven at a volume that another person can hear.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 4:29 pm

watergirl wrote:

Teach her the halachos of voice level when davening. We learn this directly from Chana. One is not supposed to daven at a volume that another person can hear.

Thank you!

Iymnok

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 5:04 pm

We had this issue in shul over the chagim.
You have to be able to hear yourself, but no one else should be able to hear you. Shema is just a drop louder.

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 5:12 pm

I always daven put loud unless hubby home and in nida....
It's davening for heaven sake. Better then rock and pop music while sniffing weed I house

amother

Waterlily

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 5:20 pm

As a kid, I always went absolutely crazy from my mother's loud whispering during davening and I thought it must just be me and something I need to work on, but when I got older I learned about misophonia. Google it--it's a real thing! A rage inside you when you hear certain sounds like "wet" whispers, chewing, crunching, everyone has different "triggers". The only "cure" is to distance yourself from these sounds and/or being honest with people and asking them to tone it down. I have a couple of kids with this and we're all very honest with each other when someone is making a sound that other people just cannot tolerate.

amother

Garnet

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Perhaps she needs to get her hearing checked - what to her sounds like a quiet whisper, to others (you) may sound much louder. If she really cant tell how loud it is to others - perhaps she has a hearing issue. I have one daughter who has some hearing deficiency and is much louder than others and is just not aware of it.

amother

Bluebonnet ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:28 pm

watergirl wrote:

Teach her the halachos of voice level when davening. We learn this directly from Chana. One is not supposed to daven at a volume that another person can hear.

This is true only for Shemone Esrei though. Doesn't help if you don't like her saying Tehillim or Pesukei DZimra out loud. (There are different minhagim for Shema.)

amother

Denim

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:38 pm

I find it hard to figure out how to daven loud enough that I can hear but others can't. I don't daven in shul and while it's not the only reason, it is one of them.

amother

Red

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:49 pm

Thank Hashem that you have a really frum dd that loves davening! This is not a problem, don’t make it one.

amother

Azalea

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:51 pm

Ugh please teach her how. My sister davens like that and IT. MAKES. ME. CRAZY!!! seriously it’s the most annoying thing. The constant chshhchshshsh sound that never ends

amother

↑ Charcoal

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 7:10 pm

amother Azalea wrote:

Ugh please teach her how. My sister davens like that and IT. MAKES. ME. CRAZY!!! seriously it’s the most annoying thing. The constant chshhchshshsh sound that never ends

Omg SHHHHHH🤣

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 7:12 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

I always daven put loud unless hubby home and in nida....
It's davening for heaven sake. Better then rock and pop music while sniffing weed I house

It wouldn't bother me if she davens out loud. It's the loud whispering that I can't handle.
I'm more concerned about people in shul being bothered by it & telling her something not nice about it.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 7:15 pm

amother Red wrote:

Thank Hashem that you have a really frum dd that loves davening! This is not a problem, don’t make it one.

It is a problem if it disturbes those around her. My other kids get very annoyed by it as well.

amother

↑ Bluebonnet

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 7:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

It wouldn't bother me if she davens out loud. It's the loud whispering that I can't handle.
I'm more concerned about people in shul being bothered by it & telling her something not nice about it.

Try suggesting to her to daven out loud at home?

Men daven out loud in shul. I don't know why it's not socially acceptable for women to do the same. The only time that men whisper, for the most part, is for Shemone Esrei.