How much is the norm to give for collectors POLL:

amother

Wandflower

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 4:13 am

So many are collecting for "hachnasas kallah", as in buying an apartment or at least a down payment. My parents got very resentful after a while. They themselves have a large family and live in a modest rental and struggled to pay for their kids weddings and they stopped giving to those collectors.

We only open the door if my husband is home. If my husband feels it's for a truly desperate situation he'll give a nice amount. Otherwise a couple of dollars.

amother

Pumpkin

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 6:48 am

I live in Israel and if someone comes to the door we try give a few shekels if we have it.
What really disturbs me is the ones who only comes to our apartment in the building (and street) as they took our address from the newcomers guide (Anglo speaking phone books) to be honest they probably spent more on the gas to come to us than what they get from us.
We live and earn a full Israeli life, DH is learning in Kollel and working on the side, I'm working full time and we live in an out of area town so that we can pay rent without support.

One tried explaining to me that they are in Kollel without support can I not give them more, and I'm like me too. but they don't understand if I'm not originally from Israel (DH is) how we can't give more.

Unfortunately the norm in Israel is putting a down payment for your daughter's apartment so those collecting for hachnosas kallah are collecting for that too.... If only I can put a down payment for my apartment....

amother

Gold

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:52 am

amother Pistachio wrote:

Nothing I don't have cash on hand anymore, I use apps and debit cards. I just give big donations to specific causes.

The ones that come to me have credit card machines or zelle.

amother

Impatiens

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 8:58 am

justforfun87 wrote:

I just gave $20 the other day and now another two showed up and gave them the same but I definitely can't keep that up. Not use to them knocking.

They have networks and may have given your address to others as a place that gives money

amother

Poinsettia

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:06 am

I live in a locked apartment building so no one can come to my door.
We can't afford it at all- we don't give maaser now as we get Tomchei. We asked a shaila... it's hard.

While I wish I could give anyone who asks, honestly I am a bit resentful if people are collecting to buy apartments. I want to buy something too and work full time and still can't!

Ruchel

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:13 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

They used to come here where most people rent. Just no.

amother

NeonOrange

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:17 am

I live in Lakewood. Collectors can get out of control. A few people hire a driver together to save on the fee. If you open up for one, two minutes later you will have a bunch more at your door expecting the same donation.
Many ring the doorbell way after 10 pm.
I feel bad for them, but I have too many bad experiences of them getting upset at me, that I just don't open the door.
My husband is very generous, but he has a hard time with the door collectors too.

amother

Honeysuckle

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 10:57 am

I give to verified people in need which a random person knocking at my door does not qualify as. I do give a dollar or two out of respect.

But as others are saying, I’m always suspicious that they might be collecting for a down payment and I’m sorry, that’s just ridiculous. I live in a basement apartment, clearly cannot afford my own down payment! A down payment is not a tzedakah worthy cause in my humble view. I have heard on this site that it’s impossible to get a shidduch without one but I doubt that’s true, and if it is, Americans should stop playing into this utterly insane system and enabling it and thing will change.

amother

↑ Cyan

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 11:55 am

Many definitely get married without a down payment. There are real aniyim there who are struggling to buy milk and bread. If they're collecting for a wedding it's for the minimum basic wedding. There are many many couples and families renting apartments for many years. And I don't know other towns but anyone in Lakewood with a Tomchei Tzedakah letter is verified. Yes, I make a point to actually read it and see what the cause is. Usually it's something heartrending

amother

Black

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 11:58 am

Last week someone knocked on my door and my daughter opened ite without checking the camera. Two collectors walked right into my kitchen. I was so mad. My husband gave them $20 and they complained. He said he can take it back. They finally left. I try to not open up. They get very aggressive and say it's not enough sometimes. I give tzedakah to causes that I like.

amother

Antiquewhite

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 12:30 pm

For all those without cash at home, we always give a check. In fact, we have a lot of mushalachim come on a regular basis (which I don't mind). If my husband is home he brings in and sits down with them. He is often not home in the evenings though so I have a checkbook with already filled out checks in the amount we decided together to give and as long as the meshulach has a teudah from a recognized city's tzedaka organization I give them one of those prefilled in checks. It takes just a minute.

Not having cash is really not an excuse. If you trully wanted to give them you can figure out a way.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 1:48 pm

I've been wondering about this because in the US I would never give less than a dollar but we currently live in Israel and my husband will give a few agurot (20 cents!) to a collector who comes to our door! I try to give 2-3 shekel if I have change. We do get collectors pretty often, I'd say once a week and more during elul, adar.
I had a bit of a traumatizing story..I met a lady in a bus stop and we shmoozed a bit. I must've told her my exact address because a few weeks later she shows up on Friday afternoons and sits down for a half hour to tell us her sob story. I felt so bad but we are not the rich Americans she was hoping for! We live here without support and we bH have enough to get by. My husband and I decided to give her around 150 shekel (I don't remember exactly, that's around $50) and she asks if we can give more! That was extremely generous for us which I tried to explain. I was in tears at that point...I felt so ____ because this woman assumed we could give more and we couldn't. I can't name the feeling but I was crying for myself. Whew.

amother

Silver

Tue, Nov 12 2024, 3:00 pm

We rarely get collectors at the door (except the neighborhood kids, who I give $1-$2) but when we get collectors I try to give $5. I dont often have cash and say to come back when my DH is home. He resents that and says I should have just given what I had, or say I have no money right now. Many years ago, when we were young & innocent, in a previous neighborhood, we never got collectors for years until the neighborhood picked up. Then this one chassidish guy came only speaking yiddish and hebrew. My DH was excited to finally have someone to give tzedoka to! Cant recall now how much he gave, but think it was $180. Now we dont have that much maiser to give, especially now. I though he came from Israel - turned out he was from NY, and would come back every few months and wanted another check for the same or more each time. Until we moved a few years later. Then the person who bought our house contacted us that this collector was trying to get hold of us. Now DH tries not to give large sums to random collectors unless knows the institution or the person has some references.