I care but I can't seem to do it anyway

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 9:40 am

amother Stone wrote:

I can't imagine doing housework in anything other than an old stretched out t-shirt and an old, very worn denim skirt. I never did get into the habit of wearing an apron, and if I wore anything remotely respectable, it would become a shmata in no time. I have a whole wardrobe of disreputable t-shirts for wearing around the house. As soon as a shirt gets a stain or stretched out, it gets shifted to the "around the house" stack. When I go out, I change into a new, respectable t-shirt and a denim skirt that has not yet "seen better days." That works for me. Anyone objects to that, too bad. I can't afford to mess up my respectable clothing and wouldn't want to even if I could.

Right so I'm doing housework through the day. This just became my wardrobe. Not dirty, stained or old but very casual and comfortable, inexpensive tshirts and sweatshirts.
I have nicer clothing for going to things.

amother

Natural

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 10:21 am

amother Stone wrote:

I am from the FSU, and this is how I grew up. Every family member had "home clothes," which were older, stretched, oversized or otherwise unsuitable for public wearing. We changed into our home clothes at home. When home clothes deteriorated past a certain point, we would turn them into rags for washing the floor and wiping up spills.

amother

Clear

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 3:57 pm

In the winter (summer is much harder!) I wear cute , colored velour zip ups and short aline stretch skirts with coordinating color snood and earrings, eyeliner and light color lipstick.
It's casual but with the shorter skirt I feel dressed and it's really comfortable and I think I look really pretty. I finally found tights that don't bother me so that helps. (Memoi, velvet touch has a really wide waistband so it doesn't get stuck in my fat rolls..)

amother

Babypink

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 4:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am not home with babies at this point, although that's how it started not wanting to get dirty and wanting to be comfortable to nurse and get on the floor.
At this point it's like this can't be bothered laziness.
A lot is also probably connected to being so big and feeling yucky in my body.
I've tried maxi dresses but they look ridiculous on me.
I guess I can get myself some short skirts.
Maybe it's also a mental block- doing housework, cooking, baking, cleaning, laundry in a nice sweater?
I do wear nice tichels.
When I have someplace to go, not errands but a thing to be at, I do get more dressed up.
It's just on the daily, I look like a short fat shluchy housewife.

I get dressed every day because I go to work but the FIRST thing I do when I get home is completely change everything basically from head to toe. I get into crocs, a long slinky skirt, a hooded sweatshirt and a pretied tichel. I take off ALL my jewelry too. so that's how my family sees me most of the time. and I HATE having to go out at night (means I need to get re-dressed!! oh no!!)
so if you are home, I totally understand that you just want to be comfortable! and it is SO not practical to cook when you are wearing proper clothing and jewelry. I won't even cut a salad when I'm wearing clothing and jewelry.

amother

DarkKhaki ↓

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 5:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I really wish I was one of those ladies who looked put together all the time.
Before I had kids (had PIF) I had a full time job, was slim and looked put together. Since having kids and switching to working part time at home, I have gained a ton of weight that I am always working on losing, and all I seem to care about is being comfortable. My life has become about easy simple efficient and comfortable.
I don't wake up in the morning and put on makeup or nice clothes. I throw on a tichel long skirt and T-shirt or sweatshirt and get started with my day.
In my mind it bothers me. I would like to look more put together and fashionable. I would love to wear cute clothes and look nice but practically it doesn't happen.
We are very limited budget wise so I can't keep buying clothes. I am short and plus size so finding clothes in the first place is hard. And physically wearing comfortable clothes just feels comfortable, even wearing earrings feels annoying. Wearing short skirts means wearing tights which is not comfortable, wearing long (which I do) is shluchy on me.
Am I depressed?
Why can't I get it together?
Why is comfortable such a high priority in the moment but then I'm hating on myself that I'm such a shluch?

Any advice for helping me feel better about my appearance or improve my appearance in a way that feels more natural to me?

amother

↑ DarkKhaki

Sat, Nov 09 2024, 5:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I totally could have written your post!!!

↑ Aurora ↓

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 5:07 am

amother Maroon wrote:

Why is long sluchy on you? Maxi skirts can be very elegant.

My guess is either:

a) OP is wearing a long flowy maxi skirt with a baggy top. I like a fitted maxi skirt with a looser top, or a flowy maxi skirt with a tighter top and button down or cardigan/jacket over it.

b) Everyone has a thing about how she likes her clothes. I like my skirts either just below my knees or my ankles and don't like midi skirts on me, even though I can see how nice they are on others.

joker

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 9:59 am

I just want to say one point
It's very hard if your not at a weight your happy at to look good/feel good and.....it's actually a ton of work and headspace to lose weight especially with little kids. Unless your naturally thin it takes tremendous self discipline bordering in obsessive to lose the weight and stay thin. It takes a ton of energy which you may not have right now. It sounds like losing weight would be helpful for you if you feel you have the discipline. I would recommend paying someone to make you a diet plan that's very simple and easy to follow (no cutting chopping etc) see if you can stick with it for a month and how you feel when the weight comes off .

amother

↑ Stone

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 10:32 am

amother Babypink wrote:

. This. A practice instilled in me from childhood: when you come home, you change out of your "good" clothes. Even on Shabbat I don't wear at home what I wore to shul. I have separate clothes, nice but comfortable, allowing complete freedom of movement and easily washable, for wearing to the table.

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 11:10 am

joker wrote:

This is definitely true. Unfortunately I'm struggling with weight loss as well. I'm good with it for a few weeks, lose some weight and then I end up regaining it and back to my bad habits. It's under the same category as wanting to care and caring but choosing easy/comfort instead.

↑ Aurora

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 12:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am short and plus size. Maxi skirts looks shluchy on me, it's not in my head.

Because you're starting with your height and weight, it sounds to me like you're comparing yourself to someone who is tall and not plus-size, and then being upset when you don't look like that in the same clothes. It's like when one of my much taller girl friends was upset about not looking cute and girlish when she was a stunning majestic empress of a woman.

I'm also short and plus sized. My shape is potato, or "when are you due?" Most of my clothes are second hand (I have a weakness for new socks and underwear Tongue Out

). I get what it is to be round and on a budget. And I make maxi skirts and dresses work.

I honestly think that a lot of looking nice comes down to posture, grooming, accessories, and attitude. Tall and skinny just gets a head-start, not a full run to the finish line.

emee2

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 12:56 pm

I work from home and wear robes. I have a few that are light cotton and all are black with some type of pattern and I have a matching pretied for each one. I wear ankle socks with them and feel pretty and dressed enough but super comfortable.

Not sure if this would work for you but I get lots of compliments.

Here is an example of one: https://myselflingerie.com/pro.....-robe

tictock

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 1:22 pm

This really could have been written by me! I work from home and love the freedom of sweatshirts and comfort. I’m also overweight (bh lost weight and going strong💪🏻) but even when I was at my heaviest, there was one thought that was my biggest motivator to look “more together” (cute sweatshirt with tights, putting on my fall, a little makeup etc) was- I don’t want my children remembering their mother as a shmatta. Once in summer camp the shiur counselor made such a nonchalant comment but it was eye opening for me. I was 10- and she made a comment like “everyone thinks that their mother is beautiful “ and I remember thinking- mine isn’t. My mother was always depressed, shlumpy, never bothered to care, etc. I’m now much older bh and understand that as women our bodies go through so much, our job taking care of little kids, cooking- limits us to always look our best. But when we put in the smallest effort, it changes how we act and how we feel about ourselves. I want my boys to think that their mother is beautiful. I want my girls to think that their mother is beautiful. Not from a vain perspective but rather them seeing me as a person who cares about themselves.