I care but I can't seem to do it anyway

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 10:20 am

I really wish I was one of those ladies who looked put together all the time.
Before I had kids (had PIF) I had a full time job, was slim and looked put together. Since having kids and switching to working part time at home, I have gained a ton of weight that I am always working on losing, and all I seem to care about is being comfortable. My life has become about easy simple efficient and comfortable.
I don't wake up in the morning and put on makeup or nice clothes. I throw on a tichel long skirt and T-shirt or sweatshirt and get started with my day.
In my mind it bothers me. I would like to look more put together and fashionable. I would love to wear cute clothes and look nice but practically it doesn't happen.
We are very limited budget wise so I can't keep buying clothes. I am short and plus size so finding clothes in the first place is hard. And physically wearing comfortable clothes just feels comfortable, even wearing earrings feels annoying. Wearing short skirts means wearing tights which is not comfortable, wearing long (which I do) is shluchy on me.
Am I depressed?
Why can't I get it together?
Why is comfortable such a high priority in the moment but then I'm hating on myself that I'm such a shluch?

Any advice for helping me feel better about my appearance or improve my appearance in a way that feels more natural to me?

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 11:05 am

This sounds like me! But only more recent in the last few yrs.
I did have a stage when I did bother but that was when I had more time and headspace. Had no little ones at home etc. Now have another 2 little ones and there is simply no headspace for it. Wish could do better

zaq

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 12:39 pm

Relax. Remember it's all about ages, stages and priorities. As a WAHM your priorities right now are getting done all the things you need to get done without having a nervous breakdown or burning out. Something has to give and right now that's fashion and style. When iyh your kids are grown and/or you can afford more domestic help and/or you decide to work outside the home and/or you slim down, style and fashion may become a priority again. Or not. And that's ok. Assuming you're clean and neat in public and not walking around with torn hems, missing buttons, and oil stains, you're doing fine. Not everyone needs to waltz around looking like an ad in Vogue.

simcha12plus

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 12:48 pm

My response it in response to you saying that it bothers you.

I am a mostly SAHM. I have been for many babies BH. I own a bunch of decent sweaters and tshirts. I own a few short black comfortable skirts.
I do wear tights every day.

so at any time. I am wearing a comfortable, but washable, and presentable top or sweater. (summer is harder as the comfortable, tznius tshirts are more expensive and opaque black tights are not as much of an option.)

it’s black tights, shirt black skirt, washable/comfortable sweater.

maybe maybe some washable dresses.

if you don’t want to wear tights, there are plenty of pretty maxi skirts that are comfortable and more formal.

nothing is free, but there is plenty of cheap clothing available

imaima

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 12:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you practically have pockets of time to plan outfits and put on make up? You may have too much on your plate

mizle10

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 1:36 pm

simcha12plus wrote:

This, with 2 additions.

I wear footless tights with socks, heaven!!
I also feel very shlumpy in snoods, I wear a tied tichel with a velvet band.

amother

Crystal

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 1:39 pm

So relatable! Even a bit of makeup makes me feel so much more confident. I have a very quick makeup routine that I do once or twice a month when I make the time for it in the morning. Moisturizer, powder foundation (my skin’s pretty bad), a dash of blush, lipstick, mascara and eyeliner.

Aurora ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 2:09 pm

I've been working on the idea of a capsule wardrobe and an outfit uniform so I can be put together and dressed easily. It takes a little time to plan out, but once you figure out an outfit formula, it's so much easier to get dressed. And it helps with shopping.

amother

Buttercup

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 2:29 pm

Very similar to you.

I finally figured out what works for me. Short pull on black skirt, cute, solid, slightly cropped crewneck sweatshirt in dark colors, black tights (or leggings if you're on with that), cute neutral pre-tied, hoop earrings that stay in all the time. Drop of tinted moisturizer and tinted lip gloss.

Fox

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 2:33 pm

Aurora wrote:

I actually did this, and in a way a lot of people would find pretty radical. I didn't hire a stylist, but I got advice from someone who's worked with people doing public appearances, etc.

What we came up with was an all-black wardrobe with color supplied by scarves, jackets, and textures. The black shows off my skin and eye color, which are my better features, while giving me a slimmer, monochromatic look. So I've acquired a number of black skirts, black t-shirts, and black sweaters. I have jackets in a few colors and lots of high-color scarves.

I, too, work at home, and there are no clear divisions to my day. I can go from the office to cooking in a few steps. My wardrobe allows me to put on a skirt and t-shirt in the morning. If I'm going out, I wear a scarf and shaitel. If not, I wear a snood-type thing and keep an apron nearby.

Like I said, most people would find my monochromatic wardrobe too limiting, and I get that. It's based on my age, my physique, and the look I want to convey -- things that vary from person to person. But I'm glad I created a system, and I feel a lot better on a day-to-day basis.

amother

Tomato

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 2:45 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

Can you link the sweatshirts you wear please?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 2:49 pm

I am not home with babies at this point, although that's how it started not wanting to get dirty and wanting to be comfortable to nurse and get on the floor.
At this point it's like this can't be bothered laziness.
A lot is also probably connected to being so big and feeling yucky in my body.
I've tried maxi dresses but they look ridiculous on me.
I guess I can get myself some short skirts.
Maybe it's also a mental block- doing housework, cooking, baking, cleaning, laundry in a nice sweater?
I do wear nice tichels.
When I have someplace to go, not errands but a thing to be at, I do get more dressed up.
It's just on the daily, I look like a short fat shluchy housewife.

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 7:54 pm

It sounds like it's bothering you. I try to get a few new things that I really like each season and makes me feel good to look pretty. Also, we may be home a lot in long skirts and sweatshirts but try to go out with Hubby or friends couple times a month and dress up.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 8:36 pm

Aurora wrote:

Agreed and I keep the makeup simple too. I dont have 6 lipsticks and 4 blush to choose from. I have a favorite and thats all. I dont shop for the person I hope I think I would like to be I shop for the person I am. I am not a glam lady who has the time to do a 45 minute face of makeup and make too many choice so I dont buy them.

Can someone please explain what is PIF in the op I dont understand. Thank you.

amother

Whitewash

Thu, Nov 07 2024, 9:26 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

infertility without already having kids. primary infertility

soproud

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 5:00 am

amother Buttercup wrote:

Where do you get your skirts from?
And do you have a recommendation for a tinted moisturizer? Does it look like a fake tan when applied? This sounds like an interesting idea.

amother

Stone ↓

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 6:24 am

I can't imagine doing housework in anything other than an old stretched out t-shirt and an old, very worn denim skirt. I never did get into the habit of wearing an apron, and if I wore anything remotely respectable, it would become a shmata in no time. I have a whole wardrobe of disreputable t-shirts for wearing around the house. As soon as a shirt gets a stain or stretched out, it gets shifted to the "around the house" stack. When I go out, I change into a new, respectable t-shirt and a denim skirt that has not yet "seen better days." That works for me. Anyone objects to that, too bad. I can't afford to mess up my respectable clothing and wouldn't want to even if I could.

amother

Peachpuff

Fri, Nov 08 2024, 6:35 am

amother Buttercup wrote:

Do you carry weight on your abdomen area? If you do and this style looks good on you can you give me a link to skirts/ sweaters