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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
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 Today at 1:58 am
DD11 said that her teacher likes touching her (hair, arm, shoulder, back)
I don't like it but the school is saying that it's not illegal. Is there definitely no law about this?
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amother
Lightcoral
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Today at 2:00 am
Legal or illegal is irrelevant if she doesn't like it! You need to advocate for her and make it clear that the teacher is not allowed to touch her if it makes her uncomfortable.
You should be proud of her!
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amother
Darkblue
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Today at 2:36 am
Her teacher should absolutely not be touching her, or any kid at any age. But like why is she touching an 11 year old in any case? At that point they can do their hair themselves, put on sweaters etc.
If your daughter is expressing discomfort then the teacher should absolutely be listening and if not please take her out of that class, you don’t want your daughter not to listen to her body and her feelings.
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DrMom
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Today at 2:49 am
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I think it would be weird to have a rule against touching in non-zxual areas (I know there is no rule like that in the workplace), but if your daughter is uncomfortable, she should speak up. "I'm not comfortable being touched."
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Goldie613
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Today at 3:38 am
| amother Lightcoral wrote: | Legal or illegal is irrelevant if she doesn't like It! You need to advocate for her and make it clear that the teacher is not allowed to touch her if it makes her uncomfortable.
You should be proud of her! |
Maybe I misunderstood - from the sound of OP's post, I though she (the mom) didn't like it. I didn't spot anything about the daughter minding. 100% if the kid minds it should be stopped, but if mom is unhappy about it and kid isn't, I am less sure (really depends on exactly what's going on)
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amother
Slateblue
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Today at 4:41 am
| amother OP wrote: | DD11 said that her teacher likes touching her (hair, arm, shoulder, back)
I don't like it but the school is saying that it's not illegal. Is there definitely no law about this? |
Since your dd is uncomfortable, then it becomes harassment. Inform the teacher gently and politely that your dd asks that she not touch her. Then add that you, as her parent and legal guardian have the obligation to see to it that the teacher respects your dd's polite request not to touch her or you will have to reach out to someone who will enforce it. Your dd has rights to make such a reasonable request and the teacher has to respect it.
Other than this problem, are there any others? Does your dd behave well and cooperate in school, or is a troublemaker who has to be restrained?
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amother
Jean
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Today at 4:44 am
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Op please clarify whether dd is uncomfortable with it. For some reason most posters are assuming so even though you did not say.
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amother
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Today at 5:39 am
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DD said she doesn't mind and I think she may like the attention that she's getting. But it makes me very uncomfortable.
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Success10
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Today at 6:11 am
| amother OP wrote: | | DD said she doesn't mind and I think she may like the attention that she's getting. But it makes me very uncomfortable. |
Is the teacher like this with all the kids or only your dd?
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amother
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Today at 6:33 am
| Success10 wrote: | | Is the teacher like this with all the kids or only your dd? |
from what I understand, it is mostly with my daughter
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grace413
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Today at 9:53 am
| amother OP wrote: | | from what I understand, it is mostly with my daughter |
Red flag.
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amother
Birch
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Today at 9:58 am
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Something feels off to me as well. Non s-xual touch can still be grooming and it’s not really appropriate for a teacher to touch a specific student all the time.
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amother
White
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Today at 10:44 am
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I had an older assistant who did that to my students. Nothing bad just out of touch, she would touch their arm to guide them or touch their hair and tell them it was pretty really not inappropriately but they went nuts and as soon as I saw it I told her she is absolutely not allowed to do that
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amother
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Today at 11:51 am
| amother OP wrote: | DD11 said that her teacher likes touching her (hair, arm, shoulder, back)
I don't like it but the school is saying that it's not illegal. Is there definitely no law about this? |
In what context did your daughter tell you about this? Did she approach you out of the blue and say is it weird that my teacher touches me like this? Did you ask her out of the blue for an inventory of how much her teacher touches her? Was it mentioned as an aside as part of another story? Like for example, your daughter saying that she needs a sweater because she feels cold in class and her hands are always cold, but maybe the teacher doesn’t notice because her hands are always warm, and then you asked her how she knows the teachers hands are warm?
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amother
Cappuccino
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Today at 12:00 pm
| amother White wrote: | | I had an older assistant who did that to my students. Nothing bad just out of touch, she would touch their arm to guide them or touch their hair and tell them it was pretty really not inappropriately but they went nuts and as soon as I saw it I told her she is absolutely not allowed to do that |
I was going to mention this. It’s a cultural thing among some older teachers. I was going to ask if she’s older. She’s not necessarily grooming and she probably has no bad intentions but we’re in a different world now. Someone has to explain to her that’s it’s not okay.
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amother
Crystal
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Today at 12:11 pm
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This is grooming. Touching non s-xually to build trust and normalize the teacher being in her space. It moves on to s-xual from here. I’d pull my kid out right now. It’s a hard no from me.
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Goldie613
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Today at 12:59 pm
| amother White wrote: | | I had an older assistant who did that to my students. Nothing bad just out of touch, she would touch their arm to guide them or touch their hair and tell them it was pretty really not inappropriately but they went nuts and as soon as I saw it I told her she is absolutely not allowed to do that |
I was wondering about this also, like an older bubby type might not realize that schools and parents nowadays aren't comfortable with those types of expressions of comfort or affection.
A relative of mine had a summer job in a camp once where they were basically told not to hugs the kids, put their arms around them, etc, even if they were crying or upset. I remember thinking at the time how different that was from when I worked in camp - back then it was normal to hug a crying kid, to rub their back, to have a little one climb in your lap - I realize we have more awareness of the craziness in the world, but at the same time I wouldn't assume everyone being affectionate to your child is out to harm her (HOWEVER - if your mom instincts are screaming, listen to them first, last and always).
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amother
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Today at 2:01 pm
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I think it’s strange that your first question is whether it’s legal. It doesn’t matter if it’s legal, if the teacher has been made aware that the child is uncomfortable with it then they should stop even if it’s legal. If they still don’t stop once told in a nice appropriate way, that’s the point where I’d start getting extremely concerned.
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