My daughter asked me to do this, can I?

amother

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:09 pm

My 13 year old daughter said to me, mommy you know lots of mothers put their phones away from 4-8.
I know she said it to push my buttons but I guess she is right.
Can I do it?
All my communication is via watsapp. No one ever calls for anything. Can I go off the grid for those hours?
Anyone do this?
I so addicted to my phone, I'm always on it. I'm tired in the evening.
Any chizzuk?

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:11 pm

Of course you can do it. Think of how proud your daughter would be of you.
And yes I know people who do this.

singleagain

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:12 pm

amother Gray wrote:

4 to 8 is a long time. If you want, maybe try 1 hour at first.

This actually might be good to teach your daughter that not to take too big of a chunk at once, but to instead try to you know do you think slowly

Can also put in your WhatsApp status that you'll be offline during that time? That way it'll be helpful for people trying to reach you.

amother

Denim

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:15 pm

Just wanted to give you some chizuk - you can do this and you will feel so much better when you break the habit! Maybe start off smaller and build it up, like putting away the phone during supper one week, and the next week from when she gets home from school until after supper, etc. As far as people being able to reach you, you can update your WhatsApp status to say you are offline now, so to call if they need to reach you.

Hatzlacha! Your daughter will be all grown up sooner than you want her to and you will not regret later the time you didn't spend on your phone!

Goody2shoes

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:15 pm

Your daughter isn't trying to push your buttons, she simply wants to spend time with her mom. Kuddos for accepting what she said.

The thing about WhatsApp is that can be left alone and be responded to later. If someone really needs something from you that's time sensitive, they'll find a different way to reach you.

I say you can do it! I'm cheering you on!

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:23 pm

Thank you for inspiring me, op. I don't have whatsapp but I spend way too much time on Imamother and texting/talking on the phone. Bn, starting today, I'm putting my phone away from 4:30-5. Hopefully, I'll add half hour each week.

amother

Poinsettia

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:29 pm

I don't know your daughter and history, and the tone with which she said what she did, but I totally get what you're saying about her pushing your buttons. If my dd said that I'd feel she was overstepping bounds as well.

It would be totally OK to say mom, I love spending time with you when I'm home from school but you're on your phone all the time. Or even a whiny "how come I can never speak to you you're always busy with your phone".

But the way she said it like she's your teacher or principal giving you mussar would rub me the wrong way.

That's not to say I wouldn't take the message to heart and work on it, but the delivery matters.

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:42 pm

I do it. My phone sits screen down on my kitchen counter and I only answer messages from my husband. Everyone else can wait. If it’s an emergency people will call. I changed DH’s WhatsApp notification tone to something unique, and I only look at my phone if I receive a message from him.

You can do the same idea with your phones do not disturb settings, but this method is easier for me.

It’s life changing. Good luck!

amother

Holly

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 12:46 pm

You won't know if you can do it until you try. It's a long time tho..... My kids asked me not to be on my phone and laptop when they're home.

The phone wasn't hard as it's a dumbphone and can't really do anything on it.

The lap-top is more difficult, but I mostly manage, and feel good about it. I felt like you dp, that they were pushing my buttons but think it was because I knew they were right...

amother

Sienna

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

be prepared to feel the withdrawl in beginning - such as feeling antsy, or no patience for those around you - all typical. It may not be easy. Perhaps if you can try to fill the time with your daughter with an activity you enjoy as well, the holding back from phone may be easier. And then you'll feel good!

Cheiny

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

Try to hear the message she’s sending you. Is she feelings you ignore her sometimes when you’re busy with your phone? Showing her the respect and care to do what she asks would do wonders for showing her how much you value her. And it would no doubt make you feel better about yourself and your discipline and commitment to changing a habit you’re not happy about,

amother

Clover

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:15 pm

Pretend your phone is out of battery and recharging for those 4 hours...or start with 2 hours and build up.

amother

Ultramarine

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 1:41 pm

Start with baby steps. I put it away while interacting with my kids and give them my full attention, sometimes that's 5 minutes and sometimes it's 30.

amother

Leaf

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 2:46 pm

When I don’t want to look at my phone, I put it a bit out of reach and turn on my ringer (it’s usually on vibrate.) I only get notifications if people call or message me directly and that doesn’t happen often and is usually important. This way I won’t glance at my phone and get lost in it but I still could be reached if needed.

My problem is that I often go to my phone for good reasons, like to add something to the groceries list, check the calendar, take a quick pic of my baby, etc. then I get distracted looking at WhatsApp and emails and before I know it, 20 minutes passed.

But thanks for the inspiration. I’m gonna try to use my phone as little as possible tonight and stay present for the kids.

Starting…… now!

seeker

Tue, Nov 05 2024, 3:31 pm

I think it's a great idea. Rather than no phone for 4 hours I'd probably do something like only checking it once every half hour or hour. That way you're not always on the phone but you're still seeing if something important is coming up.