How to decline invite over text

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 3:25 pm

Sil invited us to sons aufruf but we won't be joining. I'd like to decline the offer over text but want to do so in a classy way.
Something along the lines of - it doesn't look like we'll be joining but we're looking forward to the wedding etc..

I'm not so good with words so can use a little help.

Anyone care to help me? TIA

Chayalle ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:08 pm

Why wouldn't you call and wish your SIL Mazal Tov and do this with a conversation?

realtalk

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:09 pm

Mazal tov! Thank you so much. Unfortunately we're not able to come to the aufruf but looking forward to dancing with you by the chasuna!

zaq ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:19 pm

There is no"classy" way to respond via text unless the invitation was issued via text. You respond by the same method as you were invited, whether it's by snail mail, email, phone or smoke signal.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:33 pm

I'm just wondering if I'm off. She called to invite and I knew all along we won't be joining but felt it was rude to say so right away. Let her feel we at least contemplated joining. Is it rude to decline right away?

amother

Lily

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:34 pm

zaq wrote:

You respond by the same method as you were invited, whether it's by snail mail.....or smoke signal.

Unless it's a windy day...

amother

Tan

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you so much for inviting us to the aufruf! Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like we’ll be able to make it, but we’ll be there in spirit and are so excited to celebrate with everyone at the wedding. Please give [chosson] our warmest wishes, and we look forward to dancing at the wedding together be"h!

↑ zaq

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:40 pm

Given that she already called you, and the call is over, your last question is moot. You already had time to consider. Call her back now and tell her you can't make it after all. To respond by text would be cold at best if not outright rude. Makes it seem that you're avoiding talking to her.

For future reference, no, it's not rude to tell her right off the bat that you can't make it if that's the case. It's rude to put off giving an answer. They have planning to do, which is only complicated by delayed responses.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Definitely call her back

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:49 pm

zaq wrote:

My last question was for future reference obviously.

amother

Skyblue

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 5:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

No, you check your calendar immediately and say that you already have something else.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 5:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't think it's rude to say so right away so long as you do so in a gracious and warm manner, wishing your relative Mazal Tov and you wish you could be there but it doesn't work for you, but you are rejoicing in their Simcha nonetheless.

↑ Chayalle

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 5:52 pm

I want to add IMVHO responding via text to an invite from close family is not the way to go. Your SIL deserves a phone call response from you, and a text is a cop-out. Just my VHO. Call her, it deserves a conversation.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 6:02 pm

As one who is B”H making a simcha right now, there is nothing I like more than a gracious no.
If you tell me that’s you love us, are honored to be invited…. And that you can’t come. My thoughts are you feel included and I now don’t need to worry about housing, catering costs…….
I am currently sitting somewhere between not having space or being able to afford all the people invited and having people I still hope to invite because I am sure there are people on my B list with hurt feelings.