How do I stop my bochur from spending

malky800 ↓

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 3:50 pm

My son is severely ADHD and b'h thriving in a great yeshiva geared towards boys like him away from home.

I am having a huge problem that he spends money like it is water (which I can not afford).
I started off last year by giving him cash and telling him to make it last. What I discovered, after he finished the money I gave him , he cajoles out of the other boys, rebbeim, (maybe steals for all I know).
He just wanted to food so badly, he says he can't control himself.

I decided to switch and I gave him a debit card. This way I can see exactly what he is buying and he needs to come to call me to refill every $50 with a cheshbon on what he spent.
I am totally stuck, at that point , he will make a whole shmooze, why he was starving because supper wasn't good that day and he needed pizza. And there is always, but if you don't put money back on the card, I can't buy toothpaste, so I won't brush my teeth.

I need advice. How on earth can I control him? I can tell him from today until tomorrow, I won't add money to the card, but I know he will get money some other unscrupulous way.
I've been asking him to cut down until I am blue in the face.

Do I just need to close my eyes and let him keep going?

(Please don't suggest that he should use his own money. It doesn't mean anything to him, he would be happy until his bank account would be drained)

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Nov 04 2024, 4:03 pm

Your job is to say no. With a kid like this. I would give a monthly budget and stick to the end of the month. If he needs toothpaste, mail him toothpaste.

It's also your job to speak to the school. It's their job to prevent him from stealing or hurting the other boys. If it's a specialized school, they know how to set limits.

You might feel mean, but this is literally the kindest thing you can possibly do for him.