Bein hazmanim and spending money

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:21 pm

It’s Bein Hazmanim, how much money is your son spending?

Granted money is tight now…but yesterday his friends went to a shvitz for $100 pp, (didn’t join) today he was invited to skydive at $400 pp, but instead took a trip by bus $40 cost to visit friends and spent $35 for food there.

What’s the norm? What’s to frugal?
And what does your son do?

amother

Snow

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:31 pm

Oh my I’m dreading this. Iyh next yr we’ll be staring this faze. What community do you belong to? I’m heimesh send to Flatbush cheder

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:31 pm

Whoa.
My son went to TopGolf with friends and spent his own money.
He joined a friend who is a member at the local JCC to use the gym there, he may have had to pay a token amount for entrance, I'm not sure.
He's joining sedarim at the local kollel and spending time with family at home and reading and shooting hoops in the backyard and going to a chassuna one night.... But only 1 major friend activity which was TopGolf....

I have no idea what the norm was, never thought about it and feeling very lucky we're out of town.

(My other son barely had a bain hazmanim after YT. He was in yeshiva for ST. Got home Monday and returned Wednesday/yesterday.)

GLUE

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:39 pm

My sons spend part of Bein hazmanin moving my sister from her apartment to her new house.
Before Sukkous they build some Sukka's after Sukkous they took them down.

I must run in different circle from you because I never heard from anyone I know who has boys doing such expensive stuff.

How old is your son that he would go skydiving?

amother

Springgreen ↓

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:47 pm

Top golf
Biked on boardwalk
Bowling
Went out with friends for supper.

I did pay for it bec he helped out a lot in between. Like fixed cars, cleaned up, took care of succah, minor home repairs, ran errands, etc

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:49 pm

So my son didn’t do the expensive stuff (though the bus trip did add up) he didn’t even ask me about sky diving cuz he figured I’d say no.

But there are people saying yes!
And then I wonder what is the norm…
$40 for Leil shishi?
$20 for volleyball?

They do have chavrusos during the day, and one even is helping someone with computer work and will be getting paid….

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 10:41 pm

My son spent 60 bux over bein hazmanin. And that's because they were irresponsible and took an Uber to a place that was closed. Otherwise it would have cost him closer to 30$ (we split the cost of the activities)
I do know some of his friends did more things. But honestly I'm glad he didn't get invited.
There are things to do that are fun and aren't so expensive. Why the need?
(9th grade for reference)

amother

Blueberry

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 10:56 pm

My sons in 9th grade, 12th grade and bais medrash:
Learned all morning each day (except for the 9th grader who shmoozed as much as he learned BH so age appropriate)
afternoons they:
helped take down the succah
took the kids to the playground after school
went out for slurpees with friends
helped neighbor build new bookcases
went to hang out with friends,
had friends hang out at our house
baked
went to an appointment.
drove my younger kids carpools for me

Why on earth are boys doing such weird and expensevie things? what happened to just normal 'living'? Not every day has to be full of excitement, let them just do day to day stuff

amother

Petunia

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 11:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

That's not the norm, it's a LOT. My son went away with some older bochurim to a airbnb an hour or two away. One of the father's drove them there, another back. We paid around $130 for 4 days, they did a lot of hiking, so the only real expense was the rental split 6 ways.

They raided their mom's freezers and cobbled together some meals, and took along cereal and bread, noodle soups etc.

None of their friends are spending much, so there's no pressure.

amother

Phlox

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 11:37 pm

Bh my Mesivta son was back in school Monday morning (OOT yeshiva)
The few days before sukkos I think he went for ice cream and bowling, he used his own money. We're OOT so the boys here are ok watching sports, that passes a lot of the time.
Thank goodness his chevra doesn't spend money on much at all, I can't even imagine the amounts some posters have mentioned

amother

Freesia

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 1:30 am

My BM son went to DC with a few friends. They split a car rental, pizza lunch and burgers for supper. Everything is free in DC, which is part of why they chose it.
The rest of the days he learned, helped in the house, biked, and cooked.

amother

Rose

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 1:44 am

My boys spent time learning and were so excited to spend time with their visiting nephews. We went bowling and for ice cream which cost about $10

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:10 am

Op you'll get so many different answers.
Depends on his age, type, community, finances.
Some boys actually earn money during bein hazmanim.
To me these ideas are overdone, otoh they do deserve some outings and fun during their off time. They usually don't get much during the zman.
$400 for sky diving sounds crazy to me but for the family who takes all their kids to exotic vacations it's considered cheap.
Personally other than food it doesn't cost me anything extra during bein hazmanim. My son is not interested in the trips you described. If he'd ask for some activities and outings I'd be happy to contribute.

amother

Alyssum

Fri, Nov 01 2024, 10:20 am

I have 2 in bm and on in 9th in mesivta.
One bm son is in EY and stayed by relatives. I don't think he spent any $. Touring is not really his thing.

My other BM wasn't home a ton as he went back to yeshiva for 2nd days. His extent of spending (I paid) was a sefer that I told him he could buy and going out for frozen yogurt with my 9th grader. Same spending for my 9th grader --a sefer and frozen yogurt.

The rest of the time they spent learning and chilling and playing games with younger siblings. (and a few medical appointments (dentist, eye dr, etc) for my BM son as he is in yeshiva out of town and we need to squeeze them in when he's home)