bas mitzvah learning in memory of niftara?

elisecohen ↓

Tue, Dec 06 2005, 10:50 am

I just got word that the teenage daughter of a woman I know passed away (she had been ill). My own oldest daughter is celebrating her bas mitzvah at Chanukah. Would it be appropriate for me to suggest to my dd that she dedicate her learning and the learning that takes place among the girls on her bas mitzvah Shabbos be done in the memory and zechus of the child who passed away, especially since the bas mitzvah will be almost exactly a month after?

I don't want to suggest it if there's some reason she shouldn't do it. She hasn't any particular chessed project she's interested in or doing, and she has always been a very caring, emotionally supportive child. With special needs siblings, she is very aware of the lives of sick children, too.

Any feedback appreciated before I propose this to my husband and daughter (and then if they want to go ahead, to the family of the girl who was niftara).

↑ elisecohen ↓

Tue, Dec 06 2005, 12:21 pm

Thanks, Chen and Happyone. I just haven't ever heard of anyone doing something quite like this so I wasn't sure if there was some minhag or other issue against it.

It seems to me to be something my daughter would want to do once I explain the situation to her, and I think it would be a very important moment for her friends, too. Many of them come from somewhat less observant families and get caught up in bas mitzvah as a big party, not as a celebration of the added mitzvahs and zechus a girl can earn for herself and others in this world and Olam Haba.

There's nothing I can think of I can do directly for this other family--they are in Israel, we're in the US, we know each other because of our special needs children not any other direct connection--but learning with my daughter and other girls almost the same age as the child who passed away (who was only 14) just calls to me as almost a necessity in this circumstance.

Tefila

Tue, Dec 06 2005, 4:39 pm

Quote:

My own oldest daughter is celebrating her bas mitzvah at Chanukah. Would it be appropriate for me to suggest to my dd that she dedicate her learning and the learning that takes place among the girls on her bas mitzvah Shabbos be done in the memory and zechus of the child who passed away, especially since the bas mitzvah will be almost exactly a month after

What a beautiful idea I say go 4 it Very Happy

↑ elisecohen

Tue, Dec 06 2005, 5:23 pm

Thanks, all. I did run it past dh and then my daughter and she agreed she would like to do it. Now I have to get in touch with the mother and let her know we would like to do this.

I really appreciate your answering. I'm BT and only have so much experience in these matters and didn't want to do something wrong or suggest anything that shouldn't be done.