I hate this supper! Rant

Chayalle ↓

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 8:41 am

I honestly don't see what the huge big deal is that kids kvetch. It's normal for their age range, and BEH something they outgrow. Sure, it's fine to tell them that Mommy worked hard to get supper on the table and feels bad when you kvetch, but I don't see why it's so personal, why such outrage for normal behavior. Do people really expect to raise angels?

amother

↑ Waterlily

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 9:26 am

It’s normal.
Imagine a hungry child on the way home from school thinking about pizza or hot dogs and they can’t wait to come home and eat supper.
Instead they walk in the door and find… chicken and rice!!
Or a child is dreaming about a cup of hot chocolate waiting for them but instead there’s hot vegetable soup…
This is disappointing for a young child at first and without realizing how hurtful they are being, they just carry on about how disappointed they are with the menu.
Obviously, you have good children who slowly adjust and eat their food anyway otherwise your problems with meals would be much worse.
Plenty kids absolutely refuse to eat the food that was prepared for them. That’s very hard to deal with.
I think that if your kids know in advance what you will serve, they’ll have an easier time when they sit down for supper.
They might make requests that you can honor sometimes for something specific.

scintilla

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 9:38 am

Chayalle wrote:

I agree, I wouldn't take it so seriously. It's probably not even the supper if they're eating it, they just come home so tired and drained that they need to kvetch about something. My kids find the most random things to fall apart about after school - it's so normal!! Yes very annoying to hear but see the need behind it - to fall apart in the safety of home & Mommy - and then after supper when they're feeling better you can discuss it with them if you feel it's good chinuch. But I would just let it go personally.

amother

↑ Chambray

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 9:43 am

I think this is coming off as a young moms problem. Of course I have several children that don't like my dinner and I can never get it right (besides homemade pizza which covers all besides health conscious adults). As they get older they will help themselves to something else, cook, (or go spend their money on food)
Not eating my food is fine. Eating something else within my guidelines is OK too. Being rude and disrespectful to me after my hard effort time and money to prepare hashems food for them is not ok. Me and my food can not be ridiculed. Politely saying "thanks for preparing xx for dinner mom. Can I please have yy". Will get positive feedback from me. I may not day yes to the specific request but we can discuss appropriate options.
(Rule. No milchigs on flueshig night until dinner is over)
This repeats itself every night

↑ Chayalle

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 9:47 am

scintilla wrote:

So much this. I once heard a shiur by R' Mattisyahu Salamon, and he said exactly this idea you say here, and he said when it says Nashim B'Mai Zachyan, what is the zchus of women that will bring them to Olam Habah - everyone talks about their support of their husband's learning, but they forget about what it says afterwards - and here I'm forgetting the exact words, but basically they give their children support and safety when they come home from school.

Kids have been in school all day, it may have been tough, maybe the Rebbe or teacher yelled at them (they may also have had a bad day), maybe someone was mean to them at recess, or their best friend ignored them, or lunch was horrible or not enough and they are starving monsters. They come home to the safety and soothing of Mommy, who has a hot supper prepared for them. Maybe it's not their favorite. Maybe their day just carried over to them. But home is their safety net, and our z'chus. After they eat, they may slowly transition into human beings.....

My parenting mentor, Mrs. Leah Trenk, always talked about primary responses and secondary responses. When your kid comes in in a bad mood, it's not the time to try to teach them anything. Your primary response might be validation, might be even an I statement (I feel bad that you said that) but your main focus isn't chinuch right then, because they won't be so receptive. Later on when they ate and are calm, you can talk to them about chinuch.

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 1:05 pm

I think it's more they're tired and it's been a long day of school more than the actual supper. I try and have a snack and drink on the table when they come in and that often helps. I then give the actual supper a little later.
And there are definitely way too many days where I'm standing looking at almost full plates of food and thinking why I bother.

amother

RosePink

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 7:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

Every day when my kids walk in they all complain about what's for supper.... and then eat it! But everyone needs to complain first. I'm losing it. I understand they come home hungry and tired and would love pizza every night and I know I should be grateful that they're not really picky but the kvetching is getting to me. I stood over an hour making supper before they walked in, have it ready on time for them to eat right away, and all I get is kvetching! K rant over

Give them pizza every night for a week - and then see what they say!

Tao ↓

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 10:48 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

Zero tolerance. Or they will be doing this to their spouses!! If you don't teach them "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing", then who will?

Why do you accept this? What is going on in you that you cant stand up for yourself?
You work hard, plan good, nutritious, delicious meals (within your budget).
You deserve a "Thank You, Ma. You're the best!".
Kvetches can be left outside the door. Besides you may be teaching them that Kvetching is ok. Its not!
Your talk to your children should include a "Zero Kvetching", not "dial it down".
They need you more than you need them. It's a privilege to come home to a cooked supper. He who kvetches, can have PB&J's and that's all. Do it once and they will learn. (seriously, tell them no kvetching, if they do, they get a PB&J and don't reconsider. Be strong.).

If they spoke this way in school, what would the teacher do?

Its not the Torah way to allow children to speak disrespectfully to their parents. So for the Torahs sake, take back your role as the Mother.

Lol, we're birds of a feather LOL

actual conversation I had once with my picky eater:
Kid: what's for dinner mommy?
Me: lo mein (which in our house is just pasta with teriyaki and soy sauce - veg for those who want only, I know better than to add to the pot)
Him: I don't like it. What is it?

I kid you not. Before he even KNOWS WHAT IT IS, he already decides he doesn't like it.
My rule is you kvetch, you go to your room while everyone else enjoys dinner, and then when everyone has finished you can come out and eat (and if you really don't like it, you can have cereal.)

↑ Tao

Wed, Oct 30 2024, 10:57 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I hear you, but sometimes when its Wednesday and there hasn't yet been a night this week that someone didn't kvetch about dinner, it's draining.
I guess it's different than if they kvetch about wanting to wear sandals in the snow, or having a substitute, or not wanting to go to bed now. Because none of those is something I actually worked hard on. No-one likes their efforts to be rejected.

ETA I remember one night when I was in early pregnancy and I actually roused myself to get something on the table even though the smell of cooking it made me cry. I just felt bad they had been eating pb sandwiches and pasta for who knows how many nights til then.
Kids come home and sure enough, the complaining begins. My mom came past to drop something off and found me bawling. "What's wrong?!" "The kids hated dinner!" LOL

She was like, that is a major overraction LOL