I hate this supper! Rant

amother

↑ OP

Today at 5:37 am

Thanks all! They're really not big kvetches in general so I'm grateful for that and I do make a menu but I don't give it to them... I just make it for my own organization. I'm going to try to hang it on the fridge for them to see and we'll see if its the supper issue or just after school kvetchies

Chayalle ↓

Today at 5:41 am

I honestly don't see what the huge big deal is that kids kvetch. It's normal for their age range, and BEH something they outgrow. Sure, it's fine to tell them that Mommy worked hard to get supper on the table and feels bad when you kvetch, but I don't see why it's so personal, why such outrage for normal behavior. Do people really expect to raise angels?

amother

Linen

Today at 5:43 am

Lol about the pizza. Many years ago, my mother got tired of us complaining every night that we wanted pizza for supper, so she ordered pizza for supper every night. Joke was on her, we didn't get sick of it like she thought we would, she stopped after a week! LOL

amother

↑ Waterlily

Today at 6:26 am

It’s normal.
Imagine a hungry child on the way home from school thinking about pizza or hot dogs and they can’t wait to come home and eat supper.
Instead they walk in the door and find… chicken and rice!!
Or a child is dreaming about a cup of hot chocolate waiting for them but instead there’s hot vegetable soup…
This is disappointing for a young child at first and without realizing how hurtful they are being, they just carry on about how disappointed they are with the menu.
Obviously, you have good children who slowly adjust and eat their food anyway otherwise your problems with meals would be much worse.
Plenty kids absolutely refuse to eat the food that was prepared for them. That’s very hard to deal with.
I think that if your kids know in advance what you will serve, they’ll have an easier time when they sit down for supper.
They might make requests that you can honor sometimes for something specific.

scintilla

Today at 6:38 am

Chayalle wrote:

I agree, I wouldn't take it so seriously. It's probably not even the supper if they're eating it, they just come home so tired and drained that they need to kvetch about something. My kids find the most random things to fall apart about after school - it's so normal!! Yes very annoying to hear but see the need behind it - to fall apart in the safety of home & Mommy - and then after supper when they're feeling better you can discuss it with them if you feel it's good chinuch. But I would just let it go personally.

amother

↑ Chambray

Today at 6:43 am

I think this is coming off as a young moms problem. Of course I have several children that don't like my dinner and I can never get it right (besides homemade pizza which covers all besides health conscious adults). As they get older they will help themselves to something else, cook, (or go spend their money on food)
Not eating my food is fine. Eating something else within my guidelines is OK too. Being rude and disrespectful to me after my hard effort time and money to prepare hashems food for them is not ok. Me and my food can not be ridiculed. Politely saying "thanks for preparing xx for dinner mom. Can I please have yy". Will get positive feedback from me. I may not day yes to the specific request but we can discuss appropriate options.
(Rule. No milchigs on flueshig night until dinner is over)
This repeats itself every night

↑ Chayalle

Today at 6:47 am

scintilla wrote:

So much this. I once heard a shiur by R' Mattisyahu Salamon, and he said exactly this idea you say here, and he said when it says Nashim B'Mai Zachyan, what is the zchus of women that will bring them to Olam Habah - everyone talks about their support of their husband's learning, but they forget about what it says afterwards - and here I'm forgetting the exact words, but basically they give their children support and safety when they come home from school.

Kids have been in school all day, it may have been tough, maybe the Rebbe or teacher yelled at them (they may also have had a bad day), maybe someone was mean to them at recess, or their best friend ignored them, or lunch was horrible or not enough and they are starving monsters. They come home to the safety and soothing of Mommy, who has a hot supper prepared for them. Maybe it's not their favorite. Maybe their day just carried over to them. But home is their safety net, and our z'chus. After they eat, they may slowly transition into human beings.....

My parenting mentor, Mrs. Leah Trenk, always talked about primary responses and secondary responses. When your kid comes in in a bad mood, it's not the time to try to teach them anything. Your primary response might be validation, might be even an I statement (I feel bad that you said that) but your main focus isn't chinuch right then, because they won't be so receptive. Later on when they ate and are calm, you can talk to them about chinuch.

amother

Catmint

Today at 6:50 am

amother Oak wrote:

I had my kids work together to write a supper menu for the month. That way they know what's for supper and already agreed to eat it. They know I might change things if I need to/feel like it.

Can you please share the month menu that they approved of?

amother

Taupe

Today at 7:54 am

It’s not about the supper. They are coming home in moods (hungry , tired, …..) and that’s the first thing they see so they kvetch about it.

amother

Fuchsia

Today at 10:05 am

I think it's more they're tired and it's been a long day of school more than the actual supper. I try and have a snack and drink on the table when they come in and that often helps. I then give the actual supper a little later.
And there are definitely way too many days where I'm standing looking at almost full plates of food and thinking why I bother.

amother

Grape

Today at 10:57 am

I think you can focus on this in parenting with them about the complaining, whining, without specifically linking it just to this. Teach them assertive, kindness, & problem solving.