Im constantly decluttering, it's not enough?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Organizing

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amother

Yesterday at 11:30 am

I love decluttering, my family makes fun of me that my favorite thing to do is to throw things out.
I declutter my house on a very regular basis.
My house is still always a wreck.
I'm frustrated and annoyed and don't know what to do anymore.
I have 4 kids and a DH who are all neurospicy. I have ADHD so keeping up with housework is a struggle already. I got the advice years ago to declutter so that it's more manageable and I realized that I really like it. It's very liberating for me to get rid of things and to organize things more efficiently (I don't mean cute containers just literally organize things).
I run into trouble when it's not my things or the households things. I can't throw out my childrens things or my DHs things. I do if I can get away with to but I try really hard to be respectful of what they consider valuable.
I'm just drowning in my house, I can't keep up with the housework, and I feel like my family undoes everything I do. Everything can have a place but if no one puts it in it's place that doesn't help me.
ADHD means I struggle to be on top of things. My children and DH are all ADHD and or ASD. How in the world can I manage the household?
Decluttering is not helping.
Also I'm always decluttering. Is this normal? Do most people need to declutter all the time?

amother

Forestgreen ↓

Yesterday at 12:07 pm

OP, You need a hug! I was there! I am there! I feel you!

Yes, people need to declutter ALL THE TIME. That really only can happen after there is a HUGE purging that has to happen throughout the house.

Yes, my family makes fun of me. My DH has said "One day, you're going to throw ME out."
I'm not going to do that. I don't touch other people's stuff- I manage what is my responsibility. It has improved my house 70%- just by being consistent.

I believe a person needs to keep the inventory of items in their home as low as necessary for the person to manage it.
Anything added to life requires even LESS stuff in the house- kids, DH, work responsibilities, being crafty, managing illness, holidays, etc. My house got cleaner as my kids got older. Little kids equal a BIG mess.

You DO NOT need to be a minimalist, but I think a different perspective will help you forgive yourself for being in the "messy middle" of life and identify which areas that YOU have control over that can be managed better for you.

To manage your DH and your kids' stuff, I suggest looking for Minimal mom's youtube videos on these subjects. You don't need to be a minimalist, just rethink your experience.
Everything needs a container.

I also LOVE Dana K White's books and listen via free library audio program while decluttering.
I recommend Cas from Clutterbug on Youtube as well.

Those three have really changed my home and my life.
You can do it. You sound really awesome! You have the key figured out. Just keep getting through the messy middle.

amother

↑ Forestgreen

Yesterday at 12:36 pm

Some more ideas for you:

I work F/T. I do not compare myself to moms who do not work/ have "help"/ have NT families. I NEVER have company over that makes me feel like I need to put on a production to impress. Some years, I can't have any company over at all.

Choose one "safe" space in your home, not a high traffic area, so you have a place to go and feel clean and organized. Require family participation in keeping it clean. Don't chose a high traffic space- maybe a space they don't like. You will need to post that information and keep bringing it up like a broken record- just keep your voice monotonous. (Sometimes for me, it's the car.)

Choose one time a week for the communal space to be clean. When my kids were smaller, our house was clean (as we defined it then) before I lit candles Friday night. The rest of the time I did not look. I did NOT put the toys away every night (but I did get rid of the toys that were always neat in the closet)- no one played with those.

Try to keep the kids outside if the weather is nice.

You probably already do this stuff, but I used open bins and boxes to put everything away- toys, clothes, pens, crafts. I put dollar tree/ walmart dishpans inside every shelved closet I could find. I never folded clothes.

Every person has one pair of socks. I buy many sets, so there was no matching or sorting of socks, only that each person had their sock. I still do this. If my older kids want lots of fancy socks, they need to do their own laundry and keep track.

One of my non-NT kids leaves their clean clothes in a basket IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM and changes there every morning/ evening- much easier for me to manage their dirty clothes.

After some areas are designated "junk free" and your family has "containered" space to put their treasures, make it clear that if you find stuff in that room, you will "rehome" it somewhere else.

I have done this by putting stuff in a box in the basement/ garage and doing a "once over" with the fam before Rosh Hashana (before school starts) and again before Purim, after which, the box goes out by the curb.

I also enjoy applying the "Lazy Genius" principles- Kendra Adachi has a podcast and I have her book "The Lazy Genius Kitchen" -it's all about working out ways to make your house/ life/ schedule/ etc. work for YOU. Practical Self compassion in all things. She has a new book out now that I haven't read yet.

Most of it is being loving and kind to yourself as you go through life. Most of our homes are not Pinterest worthy, and most of the relationships and people in our lives are not aligned with the fantasies we've read about or even heard about from our teachers in school growing up.

amother

Pear

Yesterday at 5:00 pm

Op I keep feeling like writing the same thing, hadn't gotten around to it. I don't understand how I still have so much stuff to get rid of after having already gotten rid of so much stuff. And also stuff that doesn't want to be gotten rid of - if I already decluttered so much, why is there still so much left that needs to actually be dealt with?!!

It's so frustrating. I just want a functional life but it feels so out of reach.

zaq

Yesterday at 5:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

.
I'm always decluttering. Is this normal? Do most people need to declutter all the time?

Yes, but few people actually do so. Most people go through binge/purge cycles, which, whether you mean eating or acquiring stuff, is not healthy. Eternal vigilance is required.

You didn't say how old your kids are, but if they're young, even without attention deficit, it's impossible to keep the place clean and orderly. To most kids, the floor and the trash can are interchangeable.

amother

Thistle

Yesterday at 6:42 pm

I had a professional organizer come because I and my family and my house were all organizational disasters. I have ADHD, and most of the rest of the family has executive function issues or ADHD. The professional organizer taught me amny things. One that helped is that each person gets a big basket that sits on the bookshelf. When I clean up, if I find stuff that belongs to someone else while cleaning up, I just stick it in their baskets. They need to go through their baskets every week, or they don't , but at least the stuff is out of my way. This makes cleaning up easier without hurting my family members or their stuff.

amother

Lavender

Yesterday at 6:56 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

I love the idea of having a basket for each person's stuff. I think I'm going to do that. Thank you for sharing!

amother

Seagreen

Yesterday at 7:16 pm

Ever heard of Adona Forouzon? I watched this episode about organization according to your personality type which was very enlightening!!!!

It was on the Inspired Living platform… there are many good organizing stuff there but the one I’m referring to is called “Soulful Organization”
https://watch.raizyfried.com/e.....-home

amother

Hotpink

Yesterday at 8:02 pm

Who diagnosed you all with ADHD/ASD & Neurospicy?
I find it hard to believe all of you have these labels. Keeping up with household chores is a struggle for many people

amother

NeonBlue

Yesterday at 8:07 pm

Have you thought about buying only stuff that's absolutely necessary. That would stop the cycle once and for all.

amother

Canary

Yesterday at 8:30 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Have you thought about buying only stuff that's absolutely necessary. That would stop the cycle once and for all.

Absolutely brilliant and truly helpful Rolling Eyes

amother

Teal ↓

Yesterday at 8:55 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Have you thought about buying only stuff that's absolutely necessary. That would stop the cycle once and for all.

My house is bH organized/not cluttered and im a really small spender... it does work!
I just DONT shop the million cheap shein, ali items. and I DONT shop becuase 'look at all those black friday deals' etc.
I have a list of what errands I need, and thats what I stick to. if its not on the list, its not for me.

amother

↑ Teal

Yesterday at 8:56 pm

amother Canary wrote:

Absolutely brilliant and truly helpful Rolling Eyes

I agree. without the emoji!

seeker

Yesterday at 9:47 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Have you thought about buying only stuff that's absolutely necessary. That would stop the cycle once and for all.

I'm not a big buyer. Even when things are being given away free I only take them if I have a specific use and space for it. That doesn't stop me from perpetually needing to declutter.

Over the last few days I decluttered, among other things I forgot:
- An electronic device or two that were needed but have stopped working
- Clothes that were needed and now outgrown
- Clothes that were needed and now too stained/worn to keep
- Some linen that was needed when it was bought but hasn't been appreciated in too long
- A couple of toys that were appreciated plenty but now stale/outgrown
- Papers that were important and are now moot
- Papers that were important and have now been scanned and filed
- Papers that were never important but flowed in from school/work/mail/appointments whether I wanted them or not
- some books went back to the library
- some books were given away because we liked them but are over them
- magazines that were enjoyed and now finished
- canned foods that came as part of a food package with very useful things but also some things that aren't our taste
- expired batteries
- expired medicines
- there were absolutely other things, I'm just not remembering.

This is in the course of regular life, not a major purge. And I just did a bunch of "spring cleaning" before yom tov (Rosh Hashanah, not Pesach!) And NONE of this was unnecessary purchases. NONE.

Not sure if you meant to sound so sanctimonious...

amother

Lightgray

Yesterday at 11:59 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Have you thought about buying only stuff that's absolutely necessary. That would stop the cycle once and for all.

Not helpful if/when:
Adhd spouse impulsively buys
Kids get toys, projects, and "stuff" from school, camp
People gift your kids stuff
Stuff that was necessary when you got it but no longer serves it's purpose. Old/outgrown clothes just to start... I don't buy "just because" or due to it being a specific season/YT. I buy when needed only but it still adds up.

I don't buy stuff I don't need but with kids and spouse have ADHD and/or ASD collect items, don't clean up, get emotionally attached to every little dollar store prize from school, cannot follow the "1 prize box per kid" idea...

Oh and refuse to clean up or help sort/declutter.

amother

NeonOrange

Today at 6:27 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

Who diagnosed you all with ADHD/ASD & Neurospicy?
I find it hard to believe all of you have these labels.

Why not? There's a strong genetic component, and if both parents have the trait, it stands to reason that the kids would, too.

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