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-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:47 pm
My son is very smart and geschickt most of the time well behaved, but we have called him "Mr. Oed"--as in Oedipus/Mr. Ed (because he doesn't stop talking)--because he just hangs around us--mostly me SO much of the time and he doesn't stop talking and asking questions. He asks good questions, and he can have good quality, mature conversations, but he just doesn't allow my husband and me to talk alone.
I want him to feel comfortable talking to me and asking what's on his mind, but how to get him to give us privacy because he's being a pest. The only breaks I get from him are when he's at school, a friend's house, or sleeping.
He especially does this when he's nervous. Like we had a baby recently and the Shabbos before baby was born, while most weeks he goes to a friend and learns all shabbos, that week (thinking that we might suddenly have to go to the hospital) he stayed home talking to me near constantly. Then the Shabbos after baby came, he wanted to stay home all day and hold the baby. I was constantly telling him "it's fine for you to go to a friend", but no.
During yom tov, he was talking to me near constantly. My husband doesn't tell him to leave us alone and he'll just go to our bedroom/sleep/read/learn etc.
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amother
Oleander
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 1:02 pm
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naomi2
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 1:05 pm
That's a lot of anxiety
Maybe there's a sport he can play to get his body moving and his mind focused.
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amother
Dandelion
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 1:15 pm
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My son is the same way, he’s almost 12. We tell him a lot of times- mommy and abba are having quiet time now, you need to leave the room. There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries.
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amother
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Mon, Oct 28 2024, 1:18 pm
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Sounds like anxiety, I'd start treating it asap, the sooner you treat the higher the chances are to get it under control.
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 12:45 am
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Yes, he gets anxious, he's been like this since he was little, and this is his way of dealing with it, but it's not an "insecure" or "dysfunctional" type of anxious. I don't see medication helping, and I don't know that he needs "therapy" other than talking his thoughts out, but its' the level of frequency and the "getting in between us" that is driving me nuts. I can't say it's "everyday" but it happens often enough that I notice it.
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amother
Turquoise
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 12:52 am
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Why won’t you get him help if he might need it?
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amother
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 12:55 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes, he gets anxious, he's been like this since he was little, and this is his way of dealing with it, but it's not an "insecure" or "dysfunctional" type of anxious. I don't see medication helping, and I don't know that he needs "therapy" other than talking his thoughts out, but its' the level of frequency and the "getting in between us" that is driving me nuts. I can't say it's "everyday" but it happens often enough that I notice it. |
If he has an anxiety he needs help. Why not get him proper help so he doesn’t grow up to be a dysfunctional adult? I don’t get this.
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amother
Bluebell
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 12:59 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes, he gets anxious, he's been like this since he was little, and this is his way of dealing with it, but it's not an "insecure" or "dysfunctional" type of anxious. I don't see medication helping, and I don't know that he needs "therapy" other than talking his thoughts out, but its' the level of frequency and the "getting in between us" that is driving me nuts. I can't say it's "everyday" but it happens often enough that I notice it. |
Sounds super annoying! If you're "noticing" and it's "getting between you" then it's probably not not "dysfunctional" or at very least getting to/at a point where your functioning is impaired and relationship impacted. And, I can't imagine it feels very good for him either. It sounds like you're at a point where some support for him would improve everyone's life. So why not?
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amother
Jetblack
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 12:08 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes, he gets anxious, he's been like this since he was little, and this is his way of dealing with it, but it's not an "insecure" or "dysfunctional" type of anxious. I don't see medication helping, and I don't know that he needs "therapy" other than talking his thoughts out, but its' the level of frequency and the "getting in between us" that is driving me nuts. I can't say it's "everyday" but it happens often enough that I notice it. |
Speaking from experience with my own family, when anxiety affects the quality of life for the individual child and/or the family members around them that's a sign that intervention would be extremely beneficial. I don't want to use the word necessary because obviously if it's not taking over to an extreme life can continue this way and everyone functions. The fact that you are voicing your concerns is in itself an indication that quality of life is affected. Therapy can definitely improve that! Also, your son likely has alot going on in his head which impacts his quality of life too. Why not help him?
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amother
Brown
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Tue, Oct 29 2024, 1:35 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes, he gets anxious, he's been like this since he was little, and this is his way of dealing with it, but it's not an "insecure" or "dysfunctional" type of anxious. I don't see medication helping, and I don't know that he needs "therapy" other than talking his thoughts out, but its' the level of frequency and the "getting in between us" that is driving me nuts. I can't say it's "everyday" but it happens often enough that I notice it. | The thing with anxiety is that it's not usually isolated to a specific situation. Him not leaving you alone is a symptom of what's going on for him inside. The help wouldn't be so that he stops bothering you, it would be so that he learns to manage his anxiety in healthier ways
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