No patience for my 7 year old, teach me how

amother

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 11:59 pm

My oldest is 7.5 I have no patience for him. He's a good kid but all he wants to discuss is his obsession with his one specific interest. And I don't mean the whole area let's say baseball- he just wants to discuss babe Ruth himself in detail ad nauseum. (He's not asd)

The other thing he likes is reading out loud the comics from the circle and the kichels etc. It's always at the worst moment like everyone's screaming and He's trying to read the punchline.

In general he really doesn't read the room and he's always harassing me at the worst time. Honestly just for these 2 things I would consider that he’s asd but he just isn't. He's just annoying lol.

My current parenting method is to basically ignore him so at least I'm not mean or short tempered but it makes me feel bad. I go in for a quick goodnight hug and then I leave and let him fall asleep bc I have no patience for his conversations revolving around his stupid interest. I don't hear about his day, his friends, anything else.

I want to maintain a connection with him but I don't know how. I have no problem with the younger kids. He's smart, intellectual, mature so I should be able to discuss things with him but I just can't bear his obsessiveness.

amother

Leaf ↓

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:07 am

Oy poor kid. His interests may seem stupid to you as an adult, but to him it's exciting & not stupid at all. Please show interest in him & his hobbies, he definitely feels ignored and that you don't like him.
Perhaps reach out to an expert for tips on how to work on yourself to have patience for him. He's not doing anything wrong.

amother

Diamond

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:17 am

Pretend

Fake it

Also, set aside some one on one quality time, 15-20 undivided attention minutes a day by either you or your dh with him. Maybe that time will fill his need better, quality over quantity

If its really timing, tell him you are very interested and want to hear all about it, can he save it for when you sit down together tonight so you can really pay attention because you are in middle of x & you can't focus well enough

imaima

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 1:08 am

amother OP wrote:

Is it age appropriate for a 7 year old to read the room or is it trauma response?
Genuinely asking.

Why would he need to learn to read the room if he assumes he is in a safe place where he is loved and accepted? He is not trying to survive in the streets…
OP you sound overwhelmed with life so you have nothing left for him. He sounds a regular boy.

amother

Papaya

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 3:00 am

7 year old boy here is same. Constantly going on and on about the war and the rockets with very specific questions that I don't know the answers to. Also they have been asked and answered so many times already. The conversation is basically a loop and it exhausts me.
In the beginning I listen for a few minutes and try to be reassuring. Then I lose patience and tell him I'm not talking about the war now. He can find something else to talk about or go play. He usually wanders off to play war with the neighbors and comes back an hour later to start the process over again.
I also started a war notebook with him (and all my little kids) in which they draw pictures or write questions and I try to look at it and comment a few times a week. This could be helpful to you because you are showing interest because it's on your terms and you can control it and keep it positive

amother

Hydrangea

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 8:44 am

Sounds like my son who has ASD. Always going on and on about his obsession and trying to read out loud to me. I understand that even though sometimes I can fake minimal interest, sometimes I just can't. I feel like I will explode if I hear one more word.
Ive told him that it's not my specific interest and once asked gently why he keeps sharing often when he knows I'm not interested and he said he doesn't care. He just wants someone to tell. I feel so bad, what can I do, he can't help it. Sometimes after a few minutes I tell him in a kind of joke way ok I think I heard all I can for now about x. Or, ok tell me one more thing and then I have to finish my task or whatever.
I know that it gets worse when he doesn't have other things to do. It's like his default.
Also, I know he has other asd friends who will listed to his topic of interest so I know he has some kind of outlet.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 9:10 am

My 7 yr old son is the same way. I understand, it's not easy to always be patient. Sometimes I lose my mind with all of his incessant questions that I don't have the answers to. I think it's pretty normal at this age. Make sure you give him a time that he can discuss things with you so that your not always pushing him off. My 17 yr old son was like this too and he is just fine now, and not doing it anymore. Maturity will help. He won't be like this forever. Sometimes I try to see the cuteness in it. Like his jokes are just 7 yr old boy jokes.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:15 am

I have an 8yo like this and it's definitely asd/adhd wiring, even if not full blown enough to qualify for a dx.

Op what is your son like otherwise? Any other quirks? Anxiety? Rigidity? Impulsivity? How does he do socially? Does he eat well and sleep well? Does he have good play skills?

mha3484

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:19 am

I did the super flex program with one of my kids when he was around that age and one of the characters is called One Sided Sid where he only talks about what he wants to talk about. ASD or not, you can definitely teach him to respect others interests. I have sent the packet to a bunch of imas before and I am happy to send it to you if you want.

amother

Clover

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:22 am

my 7 yr old has no ability to read the room. we're moving and things are time sensitive. I'm packing and shlepping and huffing. everything is flying, and he's going on and on about a computer game.
it's annoying and I feel horrible but I often just tune him out.
yes, guilt is my middle name.

amother

Maize

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 10:45 am

amother Powderblue wrote:

My 7 yr old is exactly same way, but he also doesn't eat well. Also shows some mild signs of OCD. What can this mean??

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, Oct 28 2024, 12:28 pm

Of course a seven year old can't read the room. They're still a little kid. Even if he's your oldest, I think this isn't a reachable expectation for that age...You can talk to them about the concept (without making it into a shame-fest that focuses on him). So something like "When I was a kid, I remember there was this girl who used to always want to talk about X, even when other girls weren't interested. We tried to be patient, but we often wanted to talk about other things, or we weren't in the mood to talk, but she kept on..." etc. And then ask her what you, as the friend, should have done. And how the girl should have reacted. And then try playing it out in real life.

If it's anxiety related (like the child who keeps on talking about the war), I'd approach it differently. But if it's about something like Babe Ruth, a hypothetical conversation, followed a day or two later with an open and honest conversation NOT in the moment, might give him some skills and you some insight about how to respond.