Yes, I'm aware I have a small family. No need to comment

↑ Debbie ↓

Today at 2:53 am

essie14 wrote:

It's absolutely emotional blackmail and a disgusting thing to say to someone.
What is wrong with people?!?!?!

Essie14, I think there are just some people who feel the need to verbalise every thought that comes into their mind, regardless of whether it's appropriate or not, and certainly without thought that it might be hurtful.

↑ essie14

Today at 3:03 am

Debbie wrote:

Those people need to work on themselves. It's a terrible character trait to have.

amother

Burgundy ↓

Today at 3:04 am

I have 4 bH. I will be sending my youngest out this year or next year and I am awaiting the comments and stares as to why a woman in child bearing age is not pushing a carriage or pregnant. Can't Believe It

amother

↑ Burgundy

Today at 3:05 am

essie14 wrote:

Those people need to work on themselves. It's a terrible character trait to have.

Problem is those people usually won't change from reading or hearing mussar.

↑ Debbie ↓

Today at 3:08 am

essie14 wrote:

Those people need to work on themselves. It's a terrible character trait to have.

It is a terrible character trait to have, but they probably don't see any problem with it.

↑ Debbie

Today at 3:10 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

Problem is those people usually won't change from reading or hearing mussar.

Sadly you're probably right.
For some people it's their daily exercise; open mouth and put foot in!

up high

Today at 4:01 am

I went through infertility and had 1 kid for a while. I also went through many other big tickets challenges, The comments stung!

When a person has a bunion, any tiny step onto it will hurt. We all have a bunion in different areas of our lives. We are vulnerable and get hurt even when people didn't intend to hurt you.
I came to realize that "Nobody means to be mean" , people are clueless (naive in this topic) or didn't think what they said.

I'm sure I said something to someone who took my comment in a wrong way.

Though I could write a book with comments and unsolicited advice people gave, I decided to let it go and focus on the positive ones.

amother

Petunia

Today at 4:03 am

TwinsMommy wrote:

Most people have left us alone as our twins (only children) got older and so did we. The twins are about to be 18 and we're both 50. And a great Rav told us we fulfilled peru urvu with one boy and one girl and we did our best hishtadlus. But we went through many years of infertility treatments so we remember that pain and there's one person in our community who MANY times has said to my husband "you STILL only have 2?"

I want to say to him...... "you're STILL a jerk?"

(ps--- he has plenty of kids but only one gender..... but I would NEVER make a nasty comment about that to him or his wife!)

Say it! Say it!

amother

Bellflower ↓

Today at 4:10 am

Gosh, where do you people live that this is so common place? I have come across plenty of stupid, tactless people in many different communities but have never come across anything like this. I have a mid-sized family so maybe that's why, but I also haven't heard about it from friends who do not.

amother

Olive

Today at 4:25 am

I have 3 gorgeous children and for a long time had no interest in more- why cant jewish people not want a small family without people thinking or commenting that they are going through infertility. Its a matter between a husband and wife and noone else. 3 is hard enough and has its own challenges. Noone knows what happening in someones marriage and life and even if all is prefect not everyone wants more. There is hashkafa- as in good to have big fams but thats not halocha (heard from.a rov once). People say nosy, rude and also.pitying statements and its none of their business but I also feel that yidden have to stop with this attitude of what is small and what is 'acceptable'.

amother

Taupe

Today at 5:43 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

The worst critics, the relentless judges are ourselves...

Thank you, I needed to hear this today x

amother

↑ Bellflower

Today at 5:52 am

amother Olive wrote:

I'm thinking about this now and it seems to me that in communities where there is a collective goal to have as many children as possible, people are afraid to admit they may not be coping.

We had a family get together yesterday and one of my sisters in law who had her third a month ago was there. Her oldest is 4. This sil is not frum, has live in help, lives in a beautiful, spacious home, has plenty of money as well as extremely hands on and supportive parents.

In between catering to the constant demands of her children with help from her DH, my MIL and the other sisters in law, she was in pieces and almost had a literal meltdown herself.

She took a few minutes to breathe and regulate herself and then said something along the lines of 3 young kids are hard any way you look at it and she's not afraid to admit it and that she loses it. She is now planning on taking a nice, break to get over the first three before she even considers any more.

She doesn't consider herself a failure for finding it difficult to manage but I think a lot of ladies in our communities probably do. It may even be subconscious but women who have large families probably feel somewhat superior to those who don't whatever the reason for the small family may be.

Ruchel

Today at 6:22 am

The relentless judges aren't necessarily ourselves, no.

And these people hurt their closest loved ones. They end up missing on the best, a family who doesn't fear your mouth.

chocolate moose

Today at 5:25 pm

an older lady insisted that we had a third child and I didn'tknow what to say, since we don't!!!

amother

Bisque

Today at 6:31 pm

A woman asked my child in the park if there are other siblings in the family- aside from the one he was with- he said no- she asked again are there other kinderlach? Are there other brothers and sisters? Yes the two there are very obviously many years apart/ but please stop asking my son…..

(Anon because I’ve said this recent story to a few people….)

amother

Jetblack

Today at 7:18 pm

I'm 40 and I still get asked why I am an only child. It isn't bad enough that people made comments to my parents, but they also made comments to me as a little girl and also as a grown woman. It definitely isn't there business, but it certainly isn't my business to know or to tell someone else.

amother

Chocolate

Today at 7:59 pm

I had a friend who was an only child in high school and I said such stupid comments. I cringe thinking about them. Yes I was a stupid clueless immature high schooler but still. I wish I was in touch with her that I could apologize.

amother

Hyacinth

Today at 8:17 pm

I have a friend that’s an only child. Never in a million years would I ask her why. Like really now.

A classmate of mine was an only child and her mother had twins when we were 9 and then another child a few years later.