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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Wed, Oct 16 2024, 9:56 am
Without ruining the relationship.
Lets say you have been doing someone a favor for a while, but for some reason cannot or prefer not to continue. Or maybe limit the favor you are doing in a way that is more convenient to you, or set up some of type of boundaries.
For example you have been giving someone rides to and from work on Tuesdays and Thursdays , but now you can only do Thursdays or you can only give them a ride if they are in your car at 4 PM, but you cannot wait for them. My situation is not rides, but the person might be on in imamother.
( I am not chas veshalom against doing chesed or favors, I thinks they are very important, but this particular thing is not working for me any longer)
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Chayalle
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Wed, Oct 16 2024, 9:59 am
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If possible, give a bit advance notice - "Starting in two weeks, I won't be able to do XYZ anymore. I can continue to do ABC. So I'm letting you know so that you can make other arrangements."
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amother
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Wed, Oct 16 2024, 10:05 am
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I would definitely give advance notice, I am just afraid the person would get upset as they are used to this set up.
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simcha12plus
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Wed, Oct 16 2024, 10:23 am
Of course they will get upset.
They are now inconvenienced and they need to figure out something new.
be clear with yourself.
I can no longer do x, I can do y.
and you NEVER give a reason.
I’m sorry. I’m not able to continue doing x.
that’s it.
no excuses. no reasons.
clear and direct.
but there may actually be a guilt trip, so be prepared and firm
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amother
Slateblue
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Wed, Oct 16 2024, 10:36 am
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Do you intend to give the person a reason as to why you are stopping the arrangement?
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