Kids left out | Imamother

miamimom93 ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:31 am

I live in a pretty wealthy Jewish community. Our family however is not wealthy at all. Both my husband and I are working professionals, but with the high expense involved with living a Jewish life in America these days, we somehow struggle to make ends meet.
BH the school our children go to gives us a break with tuition.
I often feel like the other moms are very cliquey and only interested in having their children make friends with children from other wealthy families.
It feels like my kids are often left out. My son went to sleepaway last summer and told me he was basically ignored by most of his bunk. He is a funny, sporty, smart kid. My daughter feels the same.
What can I do to help my kids feel better?

amother

Myrtle

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:37 am

I wonder if it’s something else because you said it happened at sleepaway camp too. My kids have no idea what our finances are. They choose their friends at older ages especially sleep away camp age. The parents aren’t choosing the friends. Do they lack self esteem or social skills? Do they ever reach out to anyone or do they just wait to be included?

↑ miamimom93 ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:45 am

amother Myrtle wrote:

Camp bunk was filled with kids from his class. Parents of kids tend to micromanage which playdates they will make or not accept.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:47 am

Why do you live in a place that you don't sound suits your family's economic status or personal style?
There must be differences that are obvious if you don't feel accepted and children dont

chestnut ↓

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 12:48 am

miamimom93 wrote:

Camp bunk was filled with kids from his class. Parents of kids tend to micromanage which playdates they will make or not accept.

How old are the kids if we're talking about playdates and sleep away camps?

dena613

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 1:45 am

Nine is extremely young for sleepaway camp, at least in my world.

In the future, send to a different camp.

Maybe speak to the school and ask if your child is doing anything off-putting, or why they think HR doesn't have friends.
Are kids really saying they won't play with him because he isn't rich and doesn't have their privileged items? If you know its really happened from 25% of thr class, then its time to move and/or switch schools.
I wouldn't be surprised if its 1-3 kids with immature middos whom you wouldn't want your kids to hang out with anyway.
Encourage your child to get to know the nice kids. (hint: the nice kids aren't necessarily the popular ones.)

amother

NeonPurple

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 4:15 am

OP I get your situation. My kid was teased for living in an apartment and not a single family home. We live in a high cost of living area. There are only 2-3 kids who live in apartments in this class, everyone else has mansions. What is odd is in another kids class half the class is in apartments.)

Yeah, kids tease over crazy things. Wrong backpack, shoes etc. And not being wealthy means we can't follow every trend. I try to get things that are classic and every year 1-2 "cool things". It doesn't break the bank and even my "cool shirt with the Nike logo" I got from a discount type place but no one noticed that.

Parents know who is wealthy. I found the parents have their own cliques because moms don't work, they host the events, they get together... but even when we are all together for a class event I get left out.

↑ miamimom93

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 7:52 am

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Thank you for getting it. We don’t live in an apartment but in a modest home not a mansion. The kids are very into designer labels even at this young age.

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 8:31 am

miamimom93 wrote:

Thank you for getting it. We don’t live in an apartment but in a modest home not a mansion. The kids are very into designer labels even at this young age.

Honestly I’d say the best solution is to switch schools and/or neighborhoods but I know that’s probably not realistic.

amother

Buttercup

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 9:15 am

I think you need to keep an open mind that your kids may be doing something to get themselves excluded. Maybe they are picking up on your insecurities and acting insecure themselves. I highly doubt it’s because of their parents.

amother

Clematis

Sun, Oct 13 2024, 9:28 am

It could very well be the parents outright.

Another option is that the parents want the kids to be friends with their friends kids. It's pretty convenient to have your kids friends with eachother. You are more likely to get together with those families for meals or vacations, more open to sleepovers....

I would encourage my kids to be friends with my friends kids if they were in the same class. I wouldn't discourage anyone else though, unless they were a horrible influence.