Would you tell the mother about bullying

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 7:00 pm

My dd in grade 2 came to me to tell me that everyone is picking on one particular girl in her class. The thing is they had the same class last year and this was an issue she mentioned then as well. One of the girls pushed her today and the girl did tell the teacher so I imagine they are aware. Do I get involved and call the mother in case she’s not aware that this bullying is getting worse? Our daughters are friends, but I’m only friendly with the mother.

amother

Tomato

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 7:02 pm

My kid was bullied and I wish other's had called to tell me about it. I only found out when it was out of control. I'd for sure tell her.

amother

Milk

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 7:09 pm

I would phone her.
Even if the mother is aware, it may make her feel better to know that parents and classmates are sticking up for her child. It’s very lonely to be a bullying victim.

amother

Candycane

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 7:22 pm

Had that with my son when he was 5. I didn't know the mom. I called the rebbi. He was aware of the issue but I told him what my son said the kids where doing when he didn't see. I also had my son invite him over one day to play. I hope it made a difference

shanie5

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:46 pm

I am still grateful to the mother who told me about my dd being bullied. I spoke to the main bullys mom and she did get involved-teaching her daughter not to bully.
This was about 20 years ago and like I said, I'm still appreciative today.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:56 pm

Thanks all for your replies. I guess I was feeling like surely the mother knows it’s happening and it may feel like adding salt to a wound if I brought it up to her without even having a relationship with her. I will speak with the mother as soon as I can. Thanks!

amother

Heather

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 9:59 pm

Yes!!! Please call ! My ds was bullied on the bus and wouldn't tell me about it . A lot of mothers knew and wouldn't tell me but one mother did and I immediately got the school involved . Its not easy for the victims to talk about it

amother

Lightpink

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:00 pm

Another option is to call the teacher and tell her that you've become aware that there is a bullying situation going on in her class. Ask her if she is aware and what she's doing about it. It's not your daughter being bullied, but it's still an unhealthy and unacceptable environment. I think it would be good if it's not just the bullied girl's mom complaining.

amother

Red

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:02 pm

When my daughter was saying that a girl in her class was being bullied, I called the teacher & the principal. Kids being bullied is something that breaks my heart.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:21 pm

amother Red wrote:

When my daughter was saying that a girl in her class was being bullied, I called the teacher & the principal. Kids being bullied is something that breaks my heart.

So I’m not opposed to doing that either but I felt like maybe the mother should have a say on if she wanted me to or not? Also my daughter was very worked up at the possibility of me calling the principal and didn’t want to be singled out as “the girl who told”. Even after I told her that wouldn’t happen she got very upset that I would humiliate her like that.

amother

Wisteria

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:32 pm

This sounds like exactly what I’m dealing with now, as the teacher. I’m trying to address it but I don’t always have enough information about what’s going on. I would be very happy if the parent would share with me so I can help figure out what to do.

amother

Sunflower

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 11:22 pm

My son (5/6 yr old) had this last year. He is a really sweet, good natured boy, and didn’t tell me for months… maybe even he didn’t realize to what extent it was going.

Suddenly, it all came spilling out and then he told me what was going on every day. I got the Rebbi involved, but it was too late to change those kids’ behavior.

One mother called the Rebbi at that point and I felt so validated when the Rebbi told me and asked how my son was doing… it helped him take it seriously again. I was so grateful to her.

The only thing that actually worked was changing my son’s class to another class that he already had friends in. I felt he was too young to really deal with it on his own at this point, especially because they simply just chose him for no reason. Bh he is so happy now.

But it did teach me to speak up if I’m ever in the situation to help another child.

flowerpower

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 11:29 pm

Yes!!! Someone called to tell me that my dd was being bullied none stop by the same kid. I called the school immediately. To this day I appreciate that phone call

unexpected

Thu, Oct 10 2024, 1:54 am

When my child told me about a girl being bullied I called the school, principals, teachers etc and was basically told not to get involved. When the situation deteriorated I told the mother. Unfortunately, it has been my experience that schools will allow bullying to take place right under their noses and won't take action unless they see something. Girls who bully are very good at doing it in school without the teacher seeing. Often they are the children of parents who are exclusive themselves and teachers are too intimidated to approach the parents so they brush it under the rug and tell themselves that if they don't see it it doesn't exist.

amother

Hydrangea

Thu, Oct 10 2024, 3:09 am

How about when a kid is being bullied by the teacher?
Dc came home to tell me that a different kid is being bullied by a teacher. I called both the principal and kids mom. The mom was so thankful. She said her dc was coming home in such a bad mood but she couldn’t get out of dc what was happening. She wasn’t sure if it was just because of a long day at school…
(Unfortunately the principal told the teacher that I was the one that called in. The teacher then tried to butter up to me by sending home letters they had from a grandparent of mine,but I just ignored that)
But please call the mom because she might not know exactly what is happening. Just like this one didn’t.

amother

Watermelon

Thu, Oct 10 2024, 3:41 am

amother OP wrote:

Absolutely tell the victim's mother.

Never bother with a bully's mother, she and her husband are probably bullies too. (Bully kids have bully parents.)

amother

DarkRed

Thu, Oct 10 2024, 3:57 am

My son was bullied. He would come home crying every day. I had meetings after meeting with the teachers and principals. Sometimes it helped but mostly it didn’t. I found that the rebbi backed the bully more than once because of my son’s extreme reaction(crying and screaming) last year, I actually think the rebbis approach enabled the boys to continue. He couldn’t stand my son to the point that after Pesach he told the principal he can no longer be in his class. They ended up skipping him a grade and it was a game changer for him. Bli ain hara chasdei Hashem he is doing so so well. I think if mothers would have called me and backed me it would have made me feel better though idk if it would have changed the situation. I did discuss it with my friends that are parents in that class but it didn’t do much. I thank Hashem every day that it’s history and iyh he will continue to succeed in a healthier environment.