What school to apply to?

↑ Chayalle ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 4:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Lol - I have a very strong backbone. All the rabbanim and therapist involved so far keep telling me that. I am a very strong stable presence in there life, and I do not bend one iota on values and principals that actually matter.

I just don't think that the slight hashkafic nuances between Lakewood schools ( not referring to the real modern Toms river crowd, the mainstream ones) - a bit more media, a bit less media a bit more into gashmyus and a bit less are not what is important in the scheme of life, despite what I was taught in Bais Yaakov of Lakewood .

We did a stint in an OOT community - and let me tell you the difference hashkafically in the Bais Yaakov I taught in where so much larger then the ones you will get in any Lakewood school, and the girls did not come out any weaker then the Lakewood ones, if anything the opposite.

On the other hand - I went to Bais Yaakov of Lakewood and I have seen first hand how being rejected and othered and considered strange and "different" for not fitting into the exact mold for literal silliness, can destroy a kid. I will do everything in my power to help my kids thru the complex situation, but if I can avoid that and find a place with a bit more diversity and acceptance, I will go for that.

Besides, my kids will probably end up more exposed then in my dream world, because my ex is a flip out and right now is going thru a "not sure I want to be frum anymore stage" after his "Rav Uri Duetsch is not frum enough for me stage" and I have no control over what he would expose them to.

I hear, but I want to say it may be more than just "a bit more media, a bit less media".
And on top of that, you may not find that the schools that are "a bit too the left" are that open-minded haven you are dreaming of. When the need to fit in is about trendiness, it's no more inclusive than when it's about being yeshivish.

I agree with those who say you need established, mature staff.....and I'm wondering, who are the teachers the new BF is hiring? Who are the principals? I think it's very k'dai to find out if they are truly building on the old BF, or really just a new school banking on that reputation. Because what you want is the experience.

You really do sound like a special person. I applaud you for standing strong for your kids.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 5:37 pm

mha3484 wrote:

OP are you in any groups with other single mothers because as the child of a divorce there is a huge difference between a divorce with an ex spouse who is decent and you can work together to co parent and your situation where your really doing this yourself with a spouse who cant work with you. It may help you to ask others in your situation how their experience has been with their girls schools.

I am not, I went to one group for a little bit and it was so intensely heavy and depressing that it really started dragging me down. I need to to be strong and happy and positive for my kids.

But maybe I will go back just for this....

Bh I have very supportive parents who really help me, a great personal therapist and play therapist that the kids love, AMAZING rabbanim who have held my hand thru this, a great lawyer, in laws who have a lot of issues but are not fighting me and have come to realize how problematic my ex is and are not supporting him in his shenanigan's.

I can probably ask the rav who is helping me, but his time is limited, and when I can get him I usually have much more pressing issues to discuss.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 5:43 pm

Chayalle wrote:

This is a good point, everyone is so excited about new BF, but I am concerned about the newness. I need to find out who the staff actually is - are the pulling talented experienced staff from Old BF or is it just like the Cheder and BF are affiliate.....

From the other schools I have pull in - which are the more established mature staff?

Is there a point in trying other older established schools without pull, or should I focus on where I have people who can help me?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 5:51 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

bnos brochas and BEM are similar just BEM is slightly fancier then bnos brocha. Both are warm schools, I know pple in both. Probably more american type. I agree with everyone about the old bais faiga being your best choice.

According to my pull no way old BF - its literally only siblings or alumni ( mainly siblings), and the are very very substantial pull - probably my best shot in all the places.

What would you say between new BF, Bnos Bracha ( my pull is better there then BEM, and I am not super fancy, although I am up to date), and Bnos Yaakov?

amother

Smokey

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 6:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

From the other schools I have pull in - which are the more established mature staff?

You mentioned Nachlas once and then didn’t again, so idk if you’re into it or not. I send there, I consider myself more yeshivish and I’m not the most yeshivish by far. It’s a well-balanced crowd.
As far as established, I was actually just discussing this with someone who deals with lots of schools. Nachlas itself is pretty new, but the principal is a veteran principal. Mrs Smith runs the school and she is so experienced, from being principal in other schools. As opposed to another school that is just about as old as Nachlas, still getting their footing, the principal is still pretty new to the job.
Just something for you to keep in mind

amother

Natural

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 8:57 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

There are parents like you in BEM. It’s a huge range. I’m biased since I send there, but we are not fancy and my kids don’t watch secular media, and there is no pressure. It’s such a warm school. I love that all types send there (not regarding drunkest but more like lots of out of town parents, from in town Brooklyn to living in a farm). Mrs. Schorr will love and accept you and be there for you.

First, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's really challenging.
I am not a parent in BEM but have friends who send here. As you know, Mrs Shorr is an unbelievable woman and is really there for her students and families. Her warmth and support will go a long way. Having grown up in Lakewood and raising a family here, you are prob right about not sending to BY. If you did the Bnos Yaakov, Bais Yaakov track you know yourself quite well why you don't want your kids in that situation. They're great schools but...you know the drawbacks.
In my experience having gone to BF and BY myself, I feel like a small, warm school will be much more beneficial than a larger diverse one.
I think BEM and Nachlas are good choices with a nice mix of yeshivish families. I don't know much about BB.
Hatzlocha

↑ Chayalle ↓

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:24 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

I have alot of relatives in BEM (several families) including all the grades and graduates. I agree that Mrs. Schorr is unbelievable, beyond. She would be amazing for your kids.
However, I will say that I have heard alot about peer pressure there (I'm glad Pumpkin amother doesn't feel it - not sure how old your kids are, that might make a difference) and I have most definitely heard about technology and exposure and screentime. However it IS a very warm and friendly school, and that starts at the top.

↑ Chayalle

Wed, Oct 09 2024, 10:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have a sibling applying to school this year who would LOVE BF (either one) and she also told me she heard, old BF forget it, and new BF, even her pull told her "you and the rest of Lakewood all want to get in". So it's definitely a hard year to get in there.

I think it's worth exploring how much the new BF is building on the old BF, and whether it's a good option for you.

itsokay

Yesterday at 10:17 am

Hi OP! I actually created an Imamother account specifically to reply to you. Have you considered Bnos Tzippa? It's yeshivish, probably the most simple and least pressured school in Lakewood in terms of stuff and types and so on. Very warm, sweet crowd. Very little drama, cattyness and gaava which I think is your biggest concern. One class per grade. Great teachers. Mrs. Treff is the principal and she's amazing with a lot of experience (she's Mrs. Shechter from Bais Yaakov's sister I believe). It's not a hard school to get into. What do you think?

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 11:01 am

itsokay wrote:

I actually never heard of it, which means nothing because most of my friends grew up in Lakewood and send to more established schools. I will find out. Thank you.

I am trying to get in touch with New BF mothers IRL - but for now, is anyone currently sending there and can tell me what the staff is like - did they take the best from BF and move them over, or is it basically a new school with the BF "brand" and financial and logistical backing?

amother

Seablue

Yesterday at 2:11 pm

lol I send to BF and they sent out a note that if you're applying for a sibling slot, you will only get a slot in the school you're already in. Sounds like too many old BF families were trying to switch over to new BF.

I've subbed in BF and BB. BB has some very large classes. otherwise it's a really nice school. They have a range of types but BF has the same range. The difference is BB doesn't have any of the old yeshivish Lakewood crowd and BF does.