15 yr old son wants a smartphone

amother

Copper

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 11:05 am

I have 5 teens with strictly filtered smartphones (no browser, no games, no app store, very limited apps). Believe me when I say it is much better not to have one at all.
But once a teen wants a phone, what are the choices. Either you agree and filter it and are on top of it or you keep saying no, he buys it himself and you have no control over it.
Of course the better choice is to give him a filtered one.
I don't think there's a way to filter youtube. I don't allow youtube or Spotify or most of social media. But be aware that if a friends sends a link in messages, it does work. Filters aren't airtight.
No phone at all is so much healthier but sadly that option goes away with peer pressure.

amother

Charcoal

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 11:14 am

amother OP wrote:

He wants to play games with his friends.
He said that he wants youtube but will filter it and waze so when he is out he will have something for directions.
I dont know Im just not comfortable with it all.
But I am afraid he will just get one of his friends to buy him one then I wont know about it and he wont filter it.
I am just so unhappy that he wants a smartphone but yet again the whole family has one but its for work purposes but he doesnt see that.

And why should he see that? All he knows is tha teveryone has a smartphone which they use all the time ( I know I'm making assumptions, just trying to help you see it his way), why can't he have one too?

OP, I think it's time for all of you to be brutely honest with yourselves. Do you really only use it for work purposes? Does it never come out at random?
I've seen and heard many people who easily justify their phones with this excuse and here's an honest and live example of how it backfires big time. Your son's not dumb. He knows what he sees and now is upset that you're frumming out on him.

chanatron1000

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 11:16 am

What's the context? Do his friends have them? Is he actually the only one without one?

This might sound silly, but would he or you be happy with a tablet? It's just like a smartphone, except you can't keep it in your pocket (unless you're a giant).

amother

Daisy

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 1:06 pm

Just a suggestion. Would you be willing to give up your smartphone? I know you said you need in for work but I think whoever wants can figure out ways around it. You can get a tablet or laptop... I know it's hard, I did it. I think if no one has one then there's a bigger chance of kids being ok without.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Nov 11 2024, 12:34 pm

Btw Mishor is not affiliated with TAG. I brought my 16 yr old daughter there and they were amazing about talking to us and her about the issues, helping negotiate the safest route with filtering and providing support. My daughter didn't feel like they were talking down to her or giving mussar. She felt like they 'got' her and understood her challenges. You can call or text 732-454-3458 or email office@mishor.org