$1.60 in my bank account

↑ saltandvinegar

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 12:14 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks. My only one close to that size is my little one, age 3. She’s size 24 now I think, (us 7.5)

Our kids are the same size. Can you message me? I’d love to send them to you if you like them. They’re new and I can send you pictures

amother

↑ Forestgreen ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 12:17 am

amother OP wrote:

He tried a business and it didn’t take off. He’s burnt out and not sure what to try next but he’s thinking about what he should do

See this is the part that objectively we don't understand. If you have a dollar to your name you dont have the luxury of "thinking about what to do". You show up tomorrow to the grocery store and offer to stock the shelves. I'm not trying to be harsh but I'm just saying how I see it objectively.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 12:20 am

amother Forestgreen wrote:

Right but DH doesn’t feel that same pressure. I don’t know why he doesn’t. But he doesn’t.

amother

↑ Heather

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 12:23 am

amother OP wrote:

I also got my kids the Covid vaccine because they paid cash. But the tomchei was a shalom Bayis situation which would cause more harm if I touched it at that point.
Yes DH has a job, it doesn’t pay much but he gets up and goes to work daily and gets a consistent paycheck it’s only 50k a year though. And my work makes about 15k. So it’s too much for Medicaid for the adults and a bit too much for snap.

When we needed to take tomchei, one thing that helped with the pride issue was actually volunteering during pickup times. Anyone who saw- I was clearly there for volunteering, and then I took my boxes home at the end of the night when It was done

Just an idea to get around it. Plus it helps feel better about taking their tzedaka, because your giving something back as well

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 12:25 am

amother Heather wrote:

Ya thanks that was also suggested above. I called them and left a message to find out how to do that

amother

↑ Leaf ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 1:31 am

amother OP wrote:

He tried a business and it didn’t take off. He’s burnt out and not sure what to try next but he’s thinking about what he should do

Tutoring or bar mitzvah lessons in the evenings and Sundays?

amother

↑ Leaf ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 1:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Ouch about the bolded.
Does your husband work 9-5?
How much over the limit for snap are you? If really a little, I'd totally cut those few hours to get snap , provided you'll get the maximum. That'll be a major help!
Also, oftentimes once you have any program, SNAP in this case, you can get discounts on utilities.

amother

↑ Lemonlime ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 1:44 am

amother OP wrote:

I was in your shoes just a few short years ago and now bh were doing better. Iyh it should be the same by you!

I don't know which programs are available, not sure if it is state dependent, but we were eligible for HEAP and some other programs, which paid most of our electric and gas bills. I'm sure you're getting WIC, also I think there are some other small programs if your children are on Medicaid, maybe someone who's currently on those programs can chime in with the information.

amother

↑ Lemonlime ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 1:48 am

amother Leaf wrote:

I agree with this. Check if you get earned income credit on your tax return as well, it may pay not to work!

You may be able to get help with utilities even if your not on SNAP. Check it out.

amother

↑ Stone ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 3:04 am

amother Birch wrote:

Do people understand that moving is a luxury and extremely expensive? Especially across state lines. Your privilege is showing

Seriously?

Did you read my posts? I was in the position that I had to do this. We had the electricity and water being shut down even though we where both working and the cc's where totally maxed out.

I was not recommending moving across state lines, I was recommending selling the bigger better location property, and moving a few blocks away to a small house half the price so that you could roll over the mortgage and apply the profit to knocking out a chunk of it to lower mortgage payments ( or apply to debt to knock off interest payments).

Presumably, when you are downgrading housing and have a profit you can cover the expenses for the move ( we did it by ourselves by renting a uhaul, I am talking about a local move, and the bigger costs where the mortgage broker and realtors)

I get that its a radical recommendation - but read before you attack someone as privileged. The reality is if we would not have made such a move we would have probably foreclosed the house.

BH because of the move we can now afford our basic expenses, and are on our way to slowly slowly crawling out of the debt.

amother

↑ Stone ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 3:14 am

amother OP wrote:

I did try them though. I called tomchei shabbos to see if we can pickup. I explored that possible solution. I already received the food pantries they suggested. We reached out to the rav and the other organization.
The only suggestions that I couldn’t follow were moving house, having tomchei dropped off and babysitting.
Someone suggested DH do sukka building which I will suggest to him. There were many good ideas I was opened to

This

I am the one who recommended the very radical moving idea.

Op has actually come across as very open to suggestions. I think the critics are people who have never understood the pressure of trying to balance everything and and juggle all the needs, including emotional.

Going behind her husbands back and bringing them to the brink of divorce would not help anyone, divorce costs even more. Op did great by working with her husband where he is and getting him to agree to tomchei shabbos.

Stop the judgement - its Aseres Yemei Teshiva for gods sake!

amother

↑ Stone ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 3:24 am

amother OP wrote:

You do not make a lot, even for part time work.
I know Cleveland is a very hard market, but there should be a job that you can get 30k for part time.

It may take a couple of months, but I would spend an hour every day looking for something else. And tell everyone you know that you are looking.
Look remote as well.
I saw this post a while back, and I am sure its filled but its an example of something you can do that should bring in more for not a crazy amount of hours:
https://www.localjewishnews.co.....ng-4/

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 5:56 am

amother Leaf wrote:

With just his work we qualify by about $100 with my work we don’t. I was on here a few years ago and everyone said I should work because we weren’t making it even on snap so here I am working. Now people say not to work lol.
We do get utility discounts, the threshold is much higher.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 5:58 am

amother Lemonlime wrote:

We get HEAP, it pays $400 to gas a year. So that’s about 5 months. Very helpful

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 6:00 am

amother Lemonlime wrote:

I agree with this. Check if you get earned income credit on your tax return as well, it may pay not to work!

You may be able to get help with utilities even if your not on SNAP. Check it out.

Haha. When I came on here a few years ago saying we aren’t making it (we were on snap), everyone yelled at me to work. I was lazy and didn’t care about my kids etc. lol. Now people say I shouldn’t work lol

amother

↑ Lemonlime ↓

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 8:59 am

amother OP wrote:

I think there's a lesson here - don't worry what everyone else thinks you should do, do what works for you. As they say, you can't please all the people all the time, so you might as well just please yourself.

Anyway, I'm not giving you advice. If you think this is just a hump and you will both be making much much more in the very near future, then continue both working. Making less to get onto programs is not a long term solution for most, but might be right for your family. Nobody here knows you well enough to make that decision for you. Not me and not any other poster.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 9:12 am

OP your situation sounds so difficult and I hope this year brings bracha and hat laces! Please look into remote roles for frum companies. I’m living in Israel getting paid 24/hr for 25 hours a week with flexibility so I do a few hours in the morning with daycare and the rest at night (they want US hours but it’s also helpful for me). 15k is too little anywhere, you need to look for part time roles or even full time REMOTELY so that you can work flexible hours that work for you.

amother

↑ Viola

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 9:17 am

amother OP wrote:

If this is going on for years why does he think him getting a raise that will fix it? And a raise from 50k is going to be minimal and really won’t get you on to solid ground. You guys need a better long term plan this is not sustainable.

amother

Oleander

Tue, Oct 08 2024, 9:30 am

amother Coral wrote:

Came here to say the same thing. OP, I get the sense you're here looking for cash not solutions. People have given you great ideas, even about selling your house, and your response is, but what about play dates? What about picking up food? No, can't do that at that time. Don't want to babysit because they'll mess up my house. I don't know. At some point you have to start helping yourself.

Wow, you talk about selling and moving houses as if it's the same as buying a loaf of bread. How dare OP hesitate to do it. (And actually I don't think it's very sound advice at all. Sure, moving to a smaller house might work for the short term, but with the skyrocketing prices, she might find herself in an even worse bind if they need to move again as her family grows.)

While no one needs to offer any money to anyone, please have a little compassion for someone going through a nisayon. Many of these posts are so hardhearted. We're meant to be a people of rachmanus and this post reflects anything but that.