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imaima
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Today at 1:14 pm
Also can we get that straight?
When young couples get upset that their parents don’t host them, everyone jumps on them that they are grown up and noone is obligated to host them and their parents are off the hook.
When it’s the opposite, then suddenly couples are obligated to host their fully able parents and single siblings because it’s kibbud horim. Parents are also grown up and usually have decades before they are truly incapable of taking care of themselves.
Last time I checked, kibud horim didn’t mean always saying yes to your parents to the detriment of your own children and health.
If children are supposed to go beyond Halacha for parents, parents can just as well go beyond for children
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amother
Cyan
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Today at 1:28 pm
Omg as a boy mom this is so scary.
I hope my daughters in laws will be gracious and mentally healthy. (And that my sons know how to help out and be good husbands)
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amother
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Today at 1:39 pm
amother Cyan wrote: | Omg as a boy mom this is so scary.
I hope my daughters in laws will be gracious and mentally healthy. (And that my sons know how to help out and be good husbands) |
Take off the parenthesis...
You should hope for your son's to not be a jerk, before you hope for gracious daughters in law.
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abound
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Today at 2:50 pm
if your inlaws are really nice, and only u know if its a good idea....tell them why, tell them ur dh refuses to help etc. Maybe they can force him to go for help so he can be a better person.
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amother
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Today at 3:13 pm
imaima wrote: | Also can we get that straight?
When young couples get upset that their parents don’t host them, everyone jumps on them that they are grown up and noone is obligated to host them and their parents are off the hook.
When it’s the opposite, then suddenly couples are obligated to host their fully able parents and single siblings because it’s kibbud horim. Parents are also grown up and usually have decades before they are truly incapable of taking care of themselves.
Last time I checked, kibud horim didn’t mean always saying yes to your parents to the detriment of your own children and health.
If children are supposed to go beyond Halacha for parents, parents can just as well go beyond for children |
That's kind of how it works. At least the way I was raised. Parents raise children to be independent adults and children go out of their way to help and take care of their parents also known as kibbud horim. Abusive or extenuating circumstances are exceptions.
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lamplighter
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Today at 3:20 pm
Will your in laws help while they are there? Can you call them back and say that you have so much going on and the baby is not giving you a break, that you want their company but really need the help more than anything, would they actually be a help?
If they saw your husband sitting like a king would they say something to him?
I'm sorry it sounds like you have a lot more going on than this invitation issue.
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imaima
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Today at 3:31 pm
amother Waterlily wrote: | That's kind of how it works. At least the way I was raised. Parents raise children to be independent adults and children go out of their way to help and take care of their parents also known as kibbud horim. Abusive or extenuating circumstances are exceptions. |
But is it the expectation or a natural pull from both sides?
Also, do parents actually see to it that children are independent or do their expect independence just because kids reached certain age or got married?
Because I understand it when people raise their kids secular style but also let their kids do their thing, date and marry later etc.
I also understand when parents raise their kids frum style, give boys limited education, expect them to marry young and have babies early, but also host them and support them for a while afterwards, slowly cutting apron strings. That’s fair.
I don’t understand when parents raise their kids frum style but have expectations of non-frum people and drop all support early but also expect help from them.
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amother
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Today at 3:42 pm
amother Cyan wrote: | Omg as a boy mom this is so scary.
I hope my daughters in laws will be gracious and mentally healthy. (And that my sons know how to help out and be good husbands) |
thanks for the compliment
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