Guests who are not on your schedule….

notshanarishona

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 1:45 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

I just can’t see my household ready for a meal at 9:00 AM, it’s not happening.
And it would kind of ruin yom tov.

On R”H vasikin might be ending at noon, not necessarily 9 . Personally I don’t invite guests on R”H unless they daven in the same shul because when we are already waiting till 2 to eat waiting another 20-40 minutes for a different shul to finish is hard. Also, I find I am exhausted and just need a short seudah and nap after being home all day with the kids. Half the time we do a very simple meal because hard to keep food hot without burning when you don’t know when davening will end.

DrMom

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 1:51 am

amother Gold wrote:

Absolutely!
If you don't want to be at my schedule, please do not come.

I'd probably try to accommodate a guest to some extent (of course, for a parent or someone with a medical reason, I'd accommodate), but yeah, I agree it's pretty rude for a guest to be so inflexible that he must inconvenience a host in this way.

essie14

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 2:43 am

My in laws live walking distance to us but daven in a different shul.
On a regular Shabbat if they come to us they know that we eat at a certain time. When they invite us, we arrive at the time that they prefer to eat.

We have a certain relative who tells us not to wait when we invite him. I leave food warming for whenever he arrives.
We enjoy having him and he doesn't inconvenience us. He will make his own kiddush when he arrives.

On Rosh Hashanah, I don't really invite guests for lunch. Everyone is tired. We don't have a kiddush in our shul so everyone is hungry as well. It's difficult to wait.

amother

Peach

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 6:14 pm

If you are hosting, then its what works for you. If they want to eat earlier - let him make a big kiddush (cake, herring, fruit etc) & provide matza to wash on. No need to serve your meal early if it doesn't suit you.
Plenty times we have guests for shabbos / YT and the husband likes to daven early. He comes back & makes kiddush - sometimes before some of my crew have gone to shul! But he knows lunch will be much later.

R"H meal is late for everyone. Davening in different shuls / schedules compounds it. Some will have kiddush in middle of davening - others will be starving until lunch. You will need to be a bit more flexible - maybe have more real food / starter ready earlier, but again, you should not be serving 2 meals. IMHO, if everyone just helps themselves and makes their own meal by themself at different times - its not a yom tov seuda, unless everyone is together.

amother

Opal

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 6:31 pm

My in laws usually come for a few weeks at a time as they live in a different country.
I make small rolls when I make challos. He'll make Kiddush, have some challah and either a slice of gefilte fish or some herring and then join us for our seuda at lunch time.
It works for us!!!
I can't imagine anyone telling their in laws they're not welcome because they're not on the same schedule. Just find a way to make it work for everyone!

amother

Leaf

Mon, Oct 07 2024, 6:40 pm

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

If it's your parents, I would treat it differently than if it was almost anyone else.

This. DH and I will stretch a long way to accommodate our parents.

For just regular guests who don't like our schedule, I'd do my best to let them do their own thing. Give them their own set of keys so they can come and go. Set aside some extra rolls and wine for them if they want to make their own kiddush. But we won't change our schedule most likely.