Guests who are not on your schedule….

doodlesmom ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 5:49 pm

How do you go about it?
Especially if it’s parents?
If they prefer to eat, daven and sleep totally different timings to you, how do you work it out?

amother

Chicory

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 5:50 pm

Is it because of health or just because they feel like it? I’d leave a portion for them on the hot plate and tell them they can take that food. Or designated portions in the fridge.

ShishKabob

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 5:59 pm

This can be organized in advance. Tell your mother what time your dh usually eats the meal and nap times. Try to see if you can coordinate it. Otherwise leave the hot stuff on the warmer, leave their place settings untouched and have them keep their own schedule. If both parties are ok with it, then what's the problem?
Of course, you as the hostess will need to accommodate them and it'll be more work, but your dh does come first and if they won't conform to his schedule then keep it easy. Sometimes these things can get sticky. Hopefully not! Hugs and good luck!

amother

DarkGreen ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:16 pm

Within reason, We tell my in-laws our schedule and they’re welcome to eat when it works for them. Most of the time they join us.
For example, normally my husband davens early Shabbos and we sit down to eat at 11. When my in laws are here we recommend the 8:30 minyan and wait till he gets home at 11:15 to start. If he decides to go to the 9:30, I serve half the food at 11 for my family and go to nap with the kids, and my husband serves them at 12:30 and eats with them.

↑ doodlesmom ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:23 pm

It’s interesting how everyone’s assuming we want to eat earlier….
My fil davens vasikin and likes to eat soon after….
Whereas we prefer regular timing, to later….which on Yom Tov is a big gap….

But I’m not seeing any suggestions of trying to sync schedules….just making sure here’s food for both….

AlwaysGrateful ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:26 pm

If it's your parents, I would treat it differently than if it was almost anyone else.

I'd see whether I could accommodate their schedule. Maybe that means making kiddush when the men come home from our shul so we can wait for them to be ready to eat. Or even going to a shul that ends at a different time. Of course, this would only work if dh was on the same page...We've gone to a different shul to accommodate our parents before. And my dh is very loyal to his shul normally. But for kibud av v'eim, it was a no brainer for him.

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:26 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

Can you leave for him challah rolls and fish/salad and then he can join your family for the main course? Or maybe heat up some chicken/meat and then he can join your family?

↑ AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:28 pm

Just saw your response. Honestly, this is up to your dh. Is he willing to daven vasikin, at least one of the days, in order to eat with his parents? If so, I'd support him. If not...maybe you could make a kiddush for your fil and join them for it (as well as any kids who are home and not in shul). And then have the meal once your husband comes home?

amother

Nectarine

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:35 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

Would your FIL be okay with making kiddush & having something to eat & then eat the meal with everyone?

amother

Diamond

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:39 pm

Depends how often your parents visit.

If they don't visit often then I would personally adjust to my parents' schedules.

Older people typically eat earlier - go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:42 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

I just can’t see my household ready for a meal at 9:00 AM, it’s not happening.
And it would kind of ruin yom tov.

amother

↑ DarkGreen

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:48 pm

I would prepare (buy) a nice kiddush spread (danish, fish, dips and crackers) and it’s up to husband if he wants to join his father for kiddush, but serve lunch normal time.

amother

Peru ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 6:55 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

My fil also has his vasikin and rigid food schedual if we all choose to be together the only choice is to cater to his need and have food prepared for him for his meal schedual . no its not spending time together and enjoying meals together but he needs a place to go and at this point in time this is the schedule he "needs" to keep.
The only way to combine meals would be for us to go onto his schedule which will not work for us

amother

Jean

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 7:39 pm

I and the kids would happily join FIL for a nice big kiddush (late breakfast) when he gets home. Then eat the seuda h 2-3 hours later

amother

Gold

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 7:40 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

It's not right to be a guest at someone's house and not follow the hosts schedule.

Absolutely!
If you don't want to be at my schedule, please do not come.

amother

↑ Peru

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 8:40 pm

amother Gold wrote:

Absolutely!
If you don't want to be at my schedule, please do not come.

Life doesn't work that way. I hope in reality your not so inflexible and rigid. I hope you can be flexible and find room in your heart for your loved ones, needs that aren't the same as yours

↑ doodlesmom

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 9:24 pm

amother Peru wrote:

Life doesn't work that way. I hope in reality your not so inflexible and rigid. I hope you can be flexible and find room in your heart for your loved ones, needs that aren't the same as yours

Not sure if you need to be on my schedule but you need to respect it.
You can’t complain about it, or force me to do things differently.