What does forgiveness mean

amother

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 1:01 pm

What does it even mean

my mom was abusive and caused me endless pain.
I used to be filled with feelings of fury, hate, bitterness

I think I let go of that, for the most part.
I have no feelings for her; I don't waste one ounce of energy relating to her emotionally at all.
The pain she caused and the damage she did is still there, but I don't connect it to her anymore.
My job is to heal and find peace and self-love and I am in the process of that journey

She never did and never will ask for forgiveness and I think I am at a place of being able to accept that.

What does forgiveness mean in a case like this
That what she did was ok?
That she shouldn't be punished for what she did?
That I don't hate her for what she did?

I don't usually let myself think about forgiveness because forgiveness is somewhat about her and I want don't want her in my mind heart at at all, I don't want anything to be about her, I want to completely disconnect from her and only take care of myself

But lkavod RH I'll give it a few min. Would love to hear thoughts

PinkFridge

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 1:53 pm

There are others who are wiser than I but I'll share a few thoughts. It's so much easier to start on the journey if the person who wronged you at least asked.
You might be able to let it go somewhere, fill your head with other thoughts or have go-tos when these thoughts pop up. Think about whom you've become in spite of all that. Feel gratitude to Hashem and His messengers and even a healthy sense of pride.
This is a great time to be pondering this. Tonight we're going to be mamlich Hashem. What will happen with her is totally His department. Give it over to Hashem, ask for strength to continue on this journey to become the person you want to become so your Parent (I.e Father) in heaven will have nachas.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Oct 02 2024, 2:25 pm

In my own understanding of it I think it’s that I don’t hate them and don’t want them to be punished for it on my behalf. There are some people who hurt me really badly and honestly I never want to see them ever again but I don’t want anything bad to happen to them, they are included in my tefillos when I daven for the entire klal yisrael. That’s forgiveness to me.