Am I the only one that has anxiety about going to daven.

amother

↑ Forsythia

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can’t be in a room with so many people for such a long time. It doesn’t do me good.

So is there a smaller minyan you can go to? Go for a short time? Take breaks?
Do what you have to do.

amother

Chambray

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:11 pm

Short answer-No.
TBH, I think many people have uncomfortable feelings for many different reasons.
I for one, have zero attention span and don’t connect with the davening whether I read it in Hebrew (and don’t understand much of it) or in English (where I still don’t really understand much of it. I have never been one to get poetry.)
I have tremendous guilt and feelings of failure. I should be more focused. I should daven harder. I should read better and keep up with the tzibor. I should let the powerful words and tunes of the chassan penetrate my soul and I should feel uplifted and connected. Nope, nope, nope. Instead I feel empty and guilty as I find myself distracted by people’s shoes and dresses or small children.

And there is so much at stake. My neshama, my children, the Jewish people and the future of Am Yisrael IN Eretz Yisrael. So much pressure.

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:25 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

Wow I could have written this! So what do you do? I feel so guilty not to go as have no excuse...

amother

NeonPurple

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

I haven’t got little ones at home and I could really be a whole day in shul but just thinking of going to daven makes me ill. Am I the only one?

No. I daven at home, at my own pace. I can't connect to the davening and shul, and I find myself frustrated and annoyed when I'm there. So I go for shofar and that's it.

I create my own mindset and connection throughout the day. The purpose of RH is to crown Hashem as your king and accept the Ol malchis shomayim. So I try to keep that in mind with whatever I do on YT. For example, as I prepare food I think about how He created and prepared all these ingredients for us. When I walk to and from shul, I take time to recognize the beauty of the world He created. When I care for my children, I take moments to marvel at the reproductive system (among all others) that He created.

I thank Him for it all, and feel proud to be His child. And I take it upon myself to strive to do more of His mitzvohs and work upon myself for the coming year.

amother

↑ Maple

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 7:30 pm

amother Maple wrote:

I only go for shofar and then go home. Id rather sit home and daven at my own pace and I then spend the rest of the time until the men come home saying tehillim. I feel I'm accomplishing more in this way.

amother

DarkGreen

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I haven’t got little ones at home and I could really be a whole day in shul but just thinking of going to daven makes me ill. Am I the only one?

No, you're not! I feel the same. Dread going .

amother

Offwhite ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:04 pm

I’m a convert with ADHD. I love the themes but the reality of the day for me is that I’m totally lost in davening and can’t stay focused but for a few points (mostly songs) that tickle the old dopamine receptors. I help at the shul babysitting and ask Hashem to count those mothers’ davening in my favor, and then take some time to daven in short bursts throughout the day.

calvinhobbs ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:14 pm

Full disclosure I hated going to shul and spend an unhealthy amount of time turning pages whilst staring at women and intermittently at space. Then along came a man , after marriage of course, and said come to my shul, davening is so beautiful and so fast that if you excuse yourself to the bathroom it’s all over.
True to his word, it was beautiful and oh so fast. Yes there were songs, and yes there were some off key singers that still make me smile, but overall the experience was that much nicer. There are a grand total of 12-15 women, never more. Most of them in their 50-80s, all of them young at heart and here to Daven.
My advice to you, go to a shul you find yourself a spot and you feel like you want to stay. My parents and my in-laws both Daven in Shuls that “release” well into the afternoon and that to me is not Simchas yt.

amother

DarkKhaki

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:20 pm

calvinhobbs wrote:

where does such a shul exist. where we live it doesn't and my husband who no longer goes to shul asked me. how is this supposed to work, not everyone wants a shleppy davening. mo have lots of singing, yesheivish just take a long time but where's actually quick.

to op. at this stage of my life shul would be give me anxiety. it's packed on the yomim noraim and that really doesn't work for me. I don't go even though I probably should...

↑ calvinhobbs

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:25 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

This shul is in Brooklyn and is such an eclectic mix bh. Everyone respects everyone and is genuinely happy. There is zero schlepping and no choir that drags on.
Best part, a time is a time. When they say that shofar is x o’clock, it is. There is no waiting for the rabbi or anyone else. By x:01 the bracha was already said.

amother

Viola

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 8:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can’t be in a room with so many people for such a long time. It doesn’t do me good.

You don't have to push yourself to go to shul, you can daven at home.
I am like this & my mother is like this as well. My mother doesn't go to shul, she davens at home. I've been working with a therapist and bh bh been doing much better with bring in crowded spaces. I go to shul for a bit, not for the whole davening.

yiddishmom

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 9:08 pm

amother NeonPurple wrote:

I hugged your post! Such a beautiful concept!

Thank you for inspiring me. IyH I'll walk around with this attitude / concept in my mind on YT! I got little ones BH, and I am from the ones who really miss going to shul.

This is a beautiful, beautiful idea to uplift my RH!!!

A ksiva vchasima Tova to all of us!