Calling experienced moms of teen boys

mha3484 ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 12:19 pm

My son will be 14 in a few months and sleeps like the dead. Its the worst. 7th grade was awful. What is interesting to me is that I am finding that this year he has a new class that is more tracked. New boys that he has more in common with and a rebbe that teaches more to his level. He is getting up a little easier but once he is up he's dressing and leaving a lot faster then he used to. Way less dawdling. I really wonder if the sleeping was not all hormonal but also mood and his overall enjoyment of yeshiva too.

Ruchel ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 12:20 pm

essie14 wrote:

food, food, and more food. Groceries disappear before you can turn around. Leftovers don't last til the morning, forget about the next night. Just keep buying and cooking.

We dealt with a lot of "know it all"-ness. I just nod and smile. There's no use in arguing when they think they know everything. It calms down a bit when they reach their 20s.

Girls too...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 12:25 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

It's so interesting to read this,, I feel the opposite! I love my girls to pieces but I have such a hard time relating to them. My boys on the other hand, they might make me want to rip my hair out but I can actually talk to them and understand them, we're on the same wave length . They're so much more rational and NORMAL about things.

IDK he’s nowhere near rational most of the time. Complains about cheder but then complains of boredom as soon as he walks through the door but refusing to do any of the activities I suggest and always begging for new stuff.
Dd who’s just 17 months older and deep into puberty is sweet and helpful 90% of the time and even when she’s driving me bananas about clothing and shoes and school I know what she needs and how she feels.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 12:43 pm

The strange part is that personality-wise he is the most similar to me of all my kids. But it’s the boyish parts of him that throw me. The aggression, the intensity, the need to constantly be doing something etc.

↑ mha3484 ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 12:56 pm

In some ways I found for my oldest the pre teen years were peak of his hard. He personally had a rough 5th grade socially so 10 turning 11. At least in his yeshiva, that age has the longest block of kodesh because they don't have minyan yet but they break for mincha and English at the same time as the 6-8th graders who does have minyan then breakfast and there is a break so they start classroom learning later. Its a lot more sitting and focusing on gemara which is hard for 11 year old brains. They are learning a whole new language. Have a lot of empathy for him.

6th grade was minyan and they stay an extra 45 minutes for English. So another big adjustment, 7th is bar mitzvahs 8th is mesivta. Each change is big.

But at almost 14 mine is a lot more pleasant and rational. He makes me crazy but he listens to logic and reasoning a lot more then he did a few years ago. We have really nice conversations and he can listen to more then one perspective even though his ideas are still pretty black and white and not so mature its a different planet then when he was 10/11/12 etc.

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 12:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Does that come along with a lot of weight gain? Is that normal? For previously skinny kids to fill out?

Child growth generally goes through phases.
There are chubby phases and then they sprout and turn skinny.
What drives me crazy is when their facial features turn adult from childish. It’s insane.
You had a little boy and all of a sudden he looks completely different and a young man

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 1:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is helpful thanks! DS11 is definitely eating more than he did previously but not crazy amounts like you and other posters describe. I’m just thrown that he’s filling up his clothes suddenly! Like in the width! I’ve been taking in everything until now.

My son filled up at this age and then got skinny by bar mitzvah. Keep in mind that boys grow till 18 and beyond so don’t limit the amount of food they eat, especially if it’s normal and not junk.

amother

↑ Bergamot ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 1:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Does that come along with a lot of weight gain? Is that normal? For previously skinny kids to fill out?

Mine excert tremendous energy with exercise and grow tall and taller so extensive eating whether 5 chicken bottoms or 4 bagels does bring on weight gain that shows in bulk muscle and height during growth spurt but not fat.

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 1:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

What does that mean in reality, marking territory? And at what age does that start?

At the age they go to the bathroom and accidentally "miss" the bowl and spray a cover. That's marking territory Smile

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 2:47 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

At the age they go to the bathroom and accidentally "miss" the bowl and spray a cover. That's marking territory Smile

Hahahaha
He came back from camp forgetting that women use the bathroom too😅

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 2:58 pm

Mine are now 18, 16 and 15. We're getting there. I taught each of them how to cook something, so if they're hungry they can eat (one makes soup, one makes shakshuka, all can use the airfryer to make hotdogs, and eat the whole pack, etc). 2 of mine got downright chubby at 12/13, before shooting up and slimming down, and still eating copious amounts.

With waking up, my youngest has the hardest time. I always prep him the night before, that he needs to be out by x time, so I'll wake him at y. And when I wake him, I say ok, I'll see you dressed in x minutes, can you do that? Etc. Pace them/help them pace themselves. I wake them, and ask if they want 2 more minutes. They all, girls included say yes. DS15 often gets a third wake up call...also, he sometimes just needs to have the ability to sleep in, he complains it's the hardest part about being a post bar mitzvah boy. That means finding compromises, a later minyan occasionally, work with him instead of making every morning a fight.

Keep touching them and telling them you love them. They will absolutely roll their eyes. Older ones are now at yeshiva and I still end every phone call with I love you. I can hear DS16 roll his eyes, but I'm going to say it anyway, they hear it.

amother

Purple

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 4:04 pm

keym wrote:

From age 10-13, my boys all gained a lot of weight. Didn't stop eating. Not even junk.
Chicken, cheese, fish, whole wheat sandwiches.
And then from 13-17, they stretch.

One son gained 45 lbs from 10-13 but grew 2 inches
The next 4 years, he gained maybe 15 pounds but grew 11 inches.
Now, they're decent height/weight proportion and still don't stop eating.

This for us as well!!

Keep a lot of protein items in your freezer that you can pull out.
And cake.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 5:08 pm

amother Purple wrote:

This for us as well!!

Keep a lot of protein items in your freezer that you can pull out.
And cake.

I’m baking nonstop. Proteins he wants tuna and eggs all the time. Except shabbos he will eat beef and marrow bones from the cholent. Should I just give up and give him tuna and eggs every night? Or insist on chicken?

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Save insisting for more important things.

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 5:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Pick your fight wisely, let him enjoy his eggs and tuna

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 5:29 pm

amother Periwinkle wrote:

Pick your fight wisely, let him enjoy his eggs and tuna

What if the other kids complain that it isn’t fair that he gets a custom supper every night? Would you just make a custom supper for everyone? Make a rule of what’s an acceptable alternative? Also he will eat chicken (depending what kind, I try to have the type he prefers) if I don’t make tuna or eggs.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Sep 30 2024, 5:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

At that age you can teach him to make his own tuna and eggs for supper if he doesn't like what you serve. My boys know that if they don't like supper, and/or are still hungry afterwards they're welcome to cook for themselves as long as they clean up afterwards. It's a great life skill.