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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Sep 29 2024, 2:36 pm
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She said "don't trouble yourself" when I asked where they are sitting shiva. She lives a good 35 min drive away and it's time I don't really have these days, but I would go if I thought she would appreciate it. Does don't trouble yourself mean I prefer if you don't come?
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amother
Tangerine
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 2:45 pm
I don't know what she truly meant, and neither do you by the sound of things.
But I'll bet she would appreciate your visit. And I've never heard of anyone who regretted going to be menachem avel someone.
You may regret not going.
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Queen Of Hearts
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 2:48 pm
It's said that going to a shivah house is more important than attending a Simcha.
If you would go to her simchas than you should go to be Menachem avel.
She probably felt bad inconveniencing you.
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 2:54 pm
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Molly Weasley
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 4:12 pm
Unless it's really really an inconvenience , I would go.
Especially if she's sitting after a parent RL
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amother
Rose
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 4:26 pm
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I disagree that you should necessarily go. I don’t think that all people like people who they don’t know well showing up. For some people, it’s a more personal experience and they may not want acquaintances coming.
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Success10
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 4:29 pm
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"Don't trouble yourself " could go either way. I would try to speak to people you know in common to figure out if she wants as far as visitors.
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Molly Weasley
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 4:55 pm
| amother Rose wrote: | | I disagree that you should necessarily go. I don’t think that all people like people who they don’t know well showing up. For some people, it’s a more personal experience and they may not want acquaintances coming. |
A visit to the Shivah house is typically not considered a personal social call.
Many people who pay their respects are merely friends or acquaintances of the deceased, and do not have any direct relationship with the people currently sitting shivah.
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singleagain
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 5:42 pm
| Molly Weasley wrote: | A visit to the Shivah house is typically not considered a personal social call.
Many people who pay their respects are merely friends or acquaintances of the deceased, and do not have any direct relationship with the people currently sitting shivah. |
Actually the last time or two I went to pay a Shiva call, I knew the person sitting and not their relative who was niftar.
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Molly Weasley
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Sun, Sep 29 2024, 6:15 pm
| singleagain wrote: | | Actually the last time or two I went to pay a Shiva call, I knew the person sitting and not their relative who was niftar. |
It's a truly beautiful mitzvah, and sometimes it even takes precedence over the mitzvah of bikkur cholim!
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