I don’t know how to daven in shul

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Succos

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amother

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 5:08 pm

Growing up I didn’t go to shul a lot.
This year I’ll be spending YT in with my in laws. I’ve always felt self conscious about not knowing the proper times to stand up, say along (specifically kaddish) but now that I’ll be with my MIL in shul, I’m quaking somewhat.

Any guidance or resources?

amother

Banana

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 5:13 pm

Get. An ArtScroll with English instructions. Make sure it’s the same nusach they will be davening in shul. Take a few minutes before to read through

amother

Puce

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 5:15 pm

artscroll siddurim have instructions (there are even all hebrew versions with english instructions) and that can help in shul as it tells you even when the chazzan is doing something

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 5:22 pm

The back of the artscroll machzor also has a summary of halachos. It can be helpful if you are not sure when you are absolutely not allowed to talk.. also if you come late, what to skip and what not to skip. It may or may not cover situations like what to do if you come in and the kehilla is saying kedusha? The answer I'm familiar with is to stand in the back and not continue to walk if the kehilla has already reached kadosh kadosh kadosh... A bit of reading beforehand will give you knowledge and self confidence!

sub

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:25 pm

Don’t be shy. Ask your inlaws. Different shuls have different minhagim. For example shofar during the quiet shmone esrei. Or all kinds of הוספות which in some shuls aren’t said. כתר or נקדישך. Just say that you would like to know so that you may follow correctly.
An artscroll מחזור is great- but it doesn’t have all the minhagim as far as I know. I could be wrong.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:28 pm

I second the artscroll recommendation. Enjoy your time in shul, if you plan to have kids then you might surprise yourself by missing these days when you’re baby trapped at home.

Ema of 5

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:28 pm

sub wrote:

What different minhaggim are there for shofar during silent shmoneh esrei?

seeker

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:41 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

What different minhaggim are there for shofar during silent shmoneh esrei?

Some congregations do all of the shofar at the end of davening and some congregations everyone pauses during the silent musaf. If you come from the latter and visit the former, you end up waiting forever and then falling behind.

amother

Birch

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:42 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

What different minhaggim are there for shofar during silent shmoneh esrei?

There are two basic minhagim for shofar during silent shmoneh esrei for Ashkenazim.
Ashkenazim daven one of two ways, nusach sefard (not to be confused with edot mizrach, or the nusach actual sephardim use), and nusach ashkenaz.
If your shul davens nusach sefard (which usually but not always means they’re associated with chassidim or chassidic background) then at the end of the three added sections of Rosh hashana shmone esrei, malchuyos, zichronos, and shofros, during the quiet shmone essrei, they blow shofar. If you get to that point before the shliach tzibur, you wait til they blow shofar, say hayom haras olam and continue saying shmone esrei.
If your shul davens nusach ashkenaz (usually associated with litvish/ yeshiva communities) then they don’t stop in middle of the quiet shmone esrei to blow shofar. At the end of chazaras hashatz of mussaf before aleinu they blow some additional sets of shofar blasts to reach the 100 required.

It’s best to have a machzor of the nusach they daven in your shul. If your dh family minhag is to daven nusach sephard but you’re at a shul that davens ashkenaz, or vice versa, you ask a rav what to do. Some parts you say with the congregation according to their nusach but some you say your own. That can get a little complicated. It’s easiest to follow if you’re at a shul that davens your nusach.

Elfrida

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:51 pm

Ask her approximately what time they finish, so you'll know how to pace yourself.

Is there kiddush before tekiyos? If so, in shul or do people go home for ten minutes?

A good rule of thumb is to stand up whenever the Aron Kodesh is opened. Of course, that only works if you can see the Aron Kodesh! Some people will stand up longer. In my shul, there are one or two women who stand up right through Mussaf. You stand up for tekiyos.

A lot of people forget the details of Rosh HaShana davening from year to year, so you won't be the only one who isn't familiar with the service. Keep one eye on your mother in law, and copy her.

Take tissues with you. If you need them, it's good to have them on the spot. If you don't need them, they don't weigh much. I was going to say take a light wrap, because they sometimes get very enthusiastic with the air conditioning, but really that's climate dependent. So I'll just recommend dressing in a way that can accommodate any climate you might encounter inside the shul.

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 6:55 pm

Also find out if the women bow by Aleinu. Most women in my Shul do but our Rav said we don't need to if that's was my minhag growing up.

CPenzias

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 7:04 pm

Op, I'm 41 and this past year learned more about what to do in shul. My father in law passed away (actually Monday night/ Tuesday is his yartzeit) and I was going to shul with my husband because he was saying kaddesh.
Don't worry. You'll learn little by little and like someone else suggested, hey artscroll

amother

Antiquewhite

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 7:04 pm

Any time it says the aahron is opened (both in Hebrew and English machzor) I stand and when it says it’s closed 90% of the time you can sit.

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