Son's career choices

amother

↑ Carnation ↓

Yesterday at 4:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Honestly? If you all say it's nothing to worry about then I'm not going to worry about it. I have plenty of other things to worry about and talk about.

He's my first. How am I supposed to know everything already?

To me its not about this specific fear. It is about the fact the you already want to control your 4 yos life. Everyone wants things for their children, but we do our best to help guide them and let them also make their own life decisions.

ftm1234

Yesterday at 4:59 pm

Really?

I just laughed out loud. Two things are weird about your post,

1. That you take a 4 year old so seriously and
2. The way you look at construction work

↑ chestnut

Yesterday at 4:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

As someone mentioned, this is definitely not something first time mother worry about. Everyone older than 15 (?) knows that kids' toys have nothing to do with their future professions.
Does your husband know about this worry of yours? What does he think?
And yes, do share it with your therapist.

amother

Mauve ↓

Yesterday at 5:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

Would you? If one poster tells you it's nothing to worry about then you'll be ok?

My son said he wants to be a Rosh yeshiva all through fifth grade. He's now 28 and let's just say... he no longer wants to be a Rosh yeshivah when he grows up.

I know we think that we are in control and influence those little brains to make the correct choices, but in all honesty the most we can do is provide them with a healthy, happy upbringing and raise them with the right values. And then they will make their own choices. They will always make their own choices.

amother

DarkOrange

Yesterday at 5:03 pm

OP, let me answer your question as a bigger picture.

It's 1000000% normal for kids to go through stages where they picture themselves doing different things. It's very unusual for a child to settle to his future career before earliest 14. Many kids are still unsure when they are 18 or even as they choose college finals.

For boys that may be a construction worker, a fireman, a policeman, a soldier, a Rosh Yeshiva, a Rav, a cleaner (who doesn't want a go with that hose?). What it won't be at this age are doctor, lawyer, accountant etc simply because they aren't factors in your child's life. He has no idea what they even are.

As he grows up, his ideas will mature a little and he'll go through more phases until eventually he'll find his place. Your job as a parent is to encourage him to explore his options, allow him to develop his passions and expose him to positive influences.

amother

↑ Mauve

Yesterday at 5:04 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

I'm going to take a guess that it's the anxiety talking with a little bit of OCD. I don't think OP is being controlling. It's ok to really want your child to learn in kollel when he grows up, if that's what everyone around you is doing.

amother

DarkPurple

Yesterday at 5:34 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up and that's what happened. So you really could do what you thought you would be when you were 4.

Ds wants to be a sanitation worker when he grows up. Should I be worried?!

↑ Success10

Yesterday at 5:35 pm

OP, I honestly thought this was a satire thread. I'd have replied differently if I realized you were serious. When a 4 year old says they want to be ANYTHING when they grow up, they don't grasp what a career is. It's just an expression of things they admire. Many little boys admire power and strength. Really normal phase. Keep a Torah home with good influences, don't overthink it.

amother

Bottlebrush

Yesterday at 6:09 pm

I thought this was a joke
Don’t you remember in preschool yearbook everyone gets asked what they want to be? And the answers range from doctor to puppet to rock star.
They’re little kids and this is their imagination. Every boy loves trucks and construction and ambulances.
He will get older and probably change his mind. But if he doesn’t, be supportive and he will iyh grow up just fine

amother

RosePink

Yesterday at 6:12 pm

At age 5 I wanted to be an actress or a ballerina. (I did not take acting lessons or ballet, but I did play a Maccabee in the class Chanukah play and loved dressing up for Purim or any other excuse. ) I gave that idea up when I learned that most famous actresses were divorced multiple times. (I was still too young to understand that show biz is inherently inconsistent with frum life.)

I also loved my toy housecleaning set of broom and mop, and I became neither a cleaning lady nor an obsessively clean baleboste. Can't say I have much of an emotional connection to cleaning tools anymore, though I do in fact hate my vacuum cleaner.

amother

Wisteria

Yesterday at 7:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

To all those people asking if I'm joking, am I really that crazy?

I know this isn't the end of the world. Even if he grows up to be a construction worker, that's okay. It's not my dream but it's okay.

I have a bit of anxiety about this. I'm just checking if I'm normal. If he's normal. If there's anything I should be doing differently. Is this really such a crazy question to ask?

I literally can’t think of anything more normal in this world than a 4 year old boy who loves trucks and wants to be a construction worker.

amother

Brickred

Yesterday at 7:25 pm

I'm going to go with this is a total joke..
On that note.. Just make sure he doesn't play with other boys. Or boy dolls.. It may give him the ability to think he can marry them one day.
Gotta keep your mind real open.

amother

Watermelon

Yesterday at 7:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm not worried per se. If he really wants to do it then it's not the end of the world.

More like wondering if I maybe I'm doing this parenting thing wrong. Maybe my values aren't coming through clear enough to him. Maybe I should be buying less trucks and more books. Something like that.

I know I'm probably being overly anxious for no reason. But he's my first...

Its good to know that whatever he has his heart set on, you will not be able to change. Not at 4, not at 24, not at 54.
I never allowed toy guns in my home, no toy weapons, no purim swords, nothing. Violence free zone. My son as a toddler would find ways to create guns and play fighting games. 15 years later he wants to join the IDF.
We cannot change our children's destinies, we can only accept them. And pray.

Amalia

Yesterday at 8:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes I have anxiety and I'm in therapy. Do you think I should bring this up with my therapist?

Dear OP,

Yes, I think it’s a good idea for you to bring it up with your therapist.

On the one hand, your son is only 4 ka”h, so there is time. On the other hand, it’s a subject that you’ve been thinking about and wondering about to the point that you posted it here. So yes, bring it up and see what your therapist says.

(And when you do bring it up, your therapist is supposed to be non-judgemental and not make you feel silly or crazy or ridiculous for wondering about that.)

Also, DarkOrange (above) wrote a very insightful and balanced post.

Last edited by Amalia on Sun, Sep 22 2024, 8:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

cnc

Yesterday at 8:09 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Ds wants to be a sanitation worker when he grows up. Should I be worried?!

Not at all. It pays very very well.

mommyla

Yesterday at 8:18 pm

4-year-olds don’t make “career choices.”

He loves trucks. Just like every other 4-year-old boy. Please stop projecting and overthinking!

amother

Cream

Yesterday at 8:25 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

My 4 year old wants to be a dog when he grows up. Not much money there either Very Happy

Mine wants to be a dinosaur

Raaaawwwrrr!