Son's career choices

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:40 pm

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

He'll probably go through an astronaut and fire fighter stage...

That being said, my son who is in bais medrash commented to me last week that he notices a lot of boys who aren't cut out to sit and learn any more are going into construction. It's not really outsourced so there's always parnassa and if they're with other guys who had been sitting and learning, the environment isn't horrible. Just saying that it's not so crazy if he really wants to do this in 18 years. But a lot can happen between now and then. He hasn't even started learning Chumash to even know what a glimpse of learning is!

I guess you're right. Better a construction worker than an astronaut or fireman. Those jobs are so dangerous.

You're right that he hasn't started learning, but we have tons of books and picture books and he still prefers his trucks over books. But I guess you're saying it's normal.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:43 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

Maybe he'll be the one building the kollel a few years down the line. It's just as chashuv.

I know that. And when the time comes, if that's what he really wants to do, I'll accept him for who he is.

But he's still young and I'm the one buying his toys and if I can convince him to take a different path I would like to. I remember when I was in seminary I visited a family and they mainly had Torah type toys and dress up sets. They didn't have books about trucks like I do.

amother

↑ Butterscotch

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wait now I'm starting to feel like you mean this seriously... can you confirm that this thread is a joke?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:45 pm

To all those people asking if I'm joking, am I really that crazy?

I know this isn't the end of the world. Even if he grows up to be a construction worker, that's okay. It's not my dream but it's okay.

I have a bit of anxiety about this. I'm just checking if I'm normal. If he's normal. If there's anything I should be doing differently. Is this really such a crazy question to ask?

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

And? You have no idea what any of those children do professionally.
The toys kids play with do not usually decide what profession they will become.
Please, dont think about that. Let your kid enjoy being a kid.

amother

Tomato

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you’re not joking then you kinda are that crazy, sorry. This isn’t a normal first time mom fear to have.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

Its a bit obsessive, if Im being honest.
He is 4. No reason to not just let him play with whatever toys there are. I mean, what would you say if he started playing with dolls? Its also ok. Completely ok. It is not going to affect his life. They are 4 year old toys.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:47 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I know your kid is older. You're saying I should just chill and let him play with whatever he wants to? Not think about it at all?

↑ chestnut ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Honestly? Yes, it IS a crazy question to ask.
Do you have anxiety about other things as well? If so, might be worth getting help for it.
He is an absolutely normal 4 y old.

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:48 pm

My 4 ywar old wanted to be a garbage man. I'd cringe as he'd proudly and loudly say it while the other kids said rebbe or accountant but it was funny too, and I accepted it, he was 4!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:48 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

He does sometimes play with his sister's dolls. I assume I mean he'll be a good father one day. I think it's a good thing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:49 pm

chestnut wrote:

Honestly? Yes, it IS a crazy question to ask.
Do you have anxiety about other things as well? If so, might be worth getting help for it.
He is an absolutely normal 4 y old.

Yes I have anxiety and I'm in therapy. Do you think I should bring this up with my therapist?

↑ chestnut ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes I have anxiety and I'm in therapy. Do you think I should bring this up with my therapist?

What do YOU think?
Did you share these thoughts with your husband? What does he think?

Last edited by chestnut on Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I know your kid is older. You're saying I should just chill and let him play with whatever he wants to? Not think about it at all?

My child was once 4. I did not take any notice what she played with. She could play with trucks, with dolls, with lego, with a moshe rabbeinu costume. it made ZERO difference to me. It was toys. Thats all. I really dont think this is something worth taking up head space at all.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes I have anxiety and I'm in therapy. Do you think I should bring this up with my therapist?

Yes, definitely.

amother

↑ Carnation ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes I have anxiety and I'm in therapy. Do you think I should bring this up with my therapist?

Yes. Not only is this an abnormal fear, but it is showing some controlling aspects. So what if he wants to be a construction worker even at 20?

↑ ittsamother ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:54 pm

OP, I don't have older kids. My almost 5 yr old is my oldest. But I've been a kid myself and I've been surrounded by kids of all ages all my life, and I can say with certainty, kids play with all kinds of toys when they're little that have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on what they end up deciding to do as an adult. A kid who plays with Lego won't necessarily become an architect, a kid who plays with their toy kitchen doesn't have to become a chef. You want your kid playing with a variety of toys so that they can stretch different "muscles" in their brain, you want imaginative play, building play, creative play, logical play, etc. Buy your kid a variety, let them explore it all, let them enjoy what they enjoy and don't give it a second more of your worry.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:54 pm

chestnut wrote:

What do YOU think?
Did you share these thoughts with your husband? What does he think?

Honestly? If you all say it's nothing to worry about then I'm not going to worry about it. I have plenty of other things to worry about and talk about.

He's my first. How am I supposed to know everything already?

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 4:55 pm

ittsamother wrote:

Thanks, I appreciate that. Maybe I'll get him the recycling truck and some other toy so he has variety. Even though I think he'll only play with the truck.