Chasidish women switching from shpitzel to wig

amother

↑ Jasmine

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 5:16 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic.

I don't think she is being sarcastic. When there is so much pressure and judgement based on externals, this is bound to happen. And why can't someone who doesn't fit the cultural norm in fashion be in touch with their neshomah?

↑ meyerlemon44

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 7:25 pm

dankbar wrote:

Chassidish women use a headband type of covering with some fabric attached as a headgear for double covering instead of hat on top of sheitel. It is considered a step down from a hat covering because it has less coverage.

Like in the picture here?
https://www.brooklynunpluggedt.....ition

↑ GLUE

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 7:25 pm

dankbar wrote:

It does happen a lot. Let's say older generation there were lot of uncovered sheitels, you know those wiggy short wedge tapered back type.

Now the kids don't want to wear those bubby style sheitels, also lot of places moved more to right, and all their friends are wearing covered sheitels, and they rather want to fit in there, than wearing a bubby style uncovered sheitel and they do cover their sheitel, sometimes after mom marries off few dgtrs with hats, the matriarch also changes to hat

Am I understanding this correctly?
The daughters wear a different head covering then the mother because of fashion.
Then the mother changes her head covering to match her daughters?
Is that what you are saying?

amother

Khaki ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 7:12 am

even im also thinking it is not fair to label anyone for anything they do, because you can never know the truth behind it, maybe its a big sacrifice they did for their DH etc
the fact is, right or wrong, in the chasiddish community women who switched from a shpitzel to a wig are considered ‘weird, unstable or unhappy’.
and you cant get rid of the label so quickly, and sometimes never!
its easy for one to say I dont care what others are thinking about me, but that's obviously not true. because as long you live in this community, you will always get the feeling that others are looking at you weirdly,
[writing, someone who switched from a shpitzel to a wig 7 years ago, because DH demanded it, and went thru a very hard time with my family and friends, who pulled back, treating me as something is wrong with me, and to this day the stigma didn't change].

Molly Weasley

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 10:02 am

amother DarkCyan wrote:

Exactly what?

Not a downgrade? Not ruffling any feathers?

Whom are you kidding, yourself? Come on, you know the truth.

Fyi I'm not sure why this was reopened, her comment is almost 8 months old, don't respect a reply.

I wanted to mention that your tone might be coming across as a bit harsh.

Last edited by Molly Weasley on Sun, Sep 22 2024, 10:08 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Beige

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 10:03 am

Because chassidim place a very strong value on mesorah, so you have to stick with what your mother wears, and if you switch than others will judge you for not following your mesorah. In general ppl are very judgmental when it comes to externals so you better be careful:) My own mother wears a hat, seams etc.. I am refined and tznius, my husband is in kollel, but I look nothing like her. She is definitely embarrassed of me and I have definitely faced judgement in the community. It just is what it is.

amother

↑ Aster ↓

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 12:06 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

You are not "weird unstable or unhappy". People are afraid that others will follow you and change as well so the only tool they have is to just label you that way. In fact, many who change are emotionally healthier and more erlich then others as in your case where you were extra nice and changed to make dh happy. Your step made you closer to Hashem. Keep growing in yiddishkeit and ignore the naysayers because they are just desperate to hold back others from switching.

As an aside, it's always better to move to a more accepting community before switching to avoid many cursing your family.

amother

↑ Khaki

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 12:16 pm

amother Aster wrote:

thanks for the Chizuk'
I know im not weird, my point was, it doesn't matter to much what we individuals think, as long we live in a community where almost everyone thinks you are.
moving to a more accepting community is easier said then done
therefor, my advise to others is, if its not for your husband really wanting it or demanding it, or any serious reason, but just to feel or look better, its not worth, because you will not feel better

amother

↑ Aster

Sun, Sep 22 2024, 12:29 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

You're giving way too much power to what others think in their heads.. In truth, all that matters is what Hashem thinks of us.

gogold3333

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:34 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

The stigma is when one switches from spitzel to a wig. Not so when one takes off there band or switches from hat to band ect.

I took off band, and so did I change tights to black in the winter, gave me a big stigma but I wouldn't care less

amother

↑ Fuchsia

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:19 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

A wig is a step down from headgear that isn’t hair in those communities.

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

This is such baloney. So many girls get married young and they have NO IDEA what they agreed to beforehand. As their husbands.

I have friends who switched and they are all special people. They're just as frum as they were before if not more so.

amother

Bronze ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

This is true of other communities too. I have a few friends in Ger, who both they and their husbands stopped keeping the "special takanos" that they have surrounding marriage, not because they became less frum, but because they were presented as halacha when they're chumros that were too extreme for them to handle, and they never were even told that they were doing something that was not in the shulchan aruch

amother

Heather

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 9:05 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

what are the special takanos?

amother

↑ Bronze

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 9:11 pm

amother Heather wrote:

what are the special takanos?

They range from public things like husbands not acknowledging their wife when in public,walking far in front of her, to intimacy things like having very infrequent and very restrictive intimacy. I think in Israel it's worse, and they won't even refer to their wives by their names, and even knocking on table when they want their attention. but that appears less so in the states. Honestly, a gerrer ima could probably give more info.