What would you love dc to know but can't tell them?

amother

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 10:10 am

I would love dc to know that their father had an affair while we were still married. And he's not such a victim as he thinks he is.

amother

Bronze

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 10:55 am

I think she knows in her gut

but that her dad hasn’t worked in years. and that as the sole breadwinner (who tries to protect her dads dignity and keep his secret) I do my absolute best, even if it’s not enough

amother

Snapdragon

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 10:57 am

That the night he was by his father and crying for me I didn't give his father permission to have him and he was keeping him there to try to control me. At what age can I ever tell him? 😥

amother

Latte

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 10:57 am

That his father loves him even though he acts weird around him.
The other things I wished to share with him about my husband I did share. And I'm not angry I did. (suffers from addiction, low self esteem, high ego) obviously done in a kind sensitive way.

amother

Lotus

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:12 am

How my parents abused me and how much I suffered through my childhood in school and at home. How much they should be grateful for their amazing childhood.

Cheiny

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:19 am

amother Snapdragon wrote:

That the night he was by his father and crying for me I didn't give his father permission to have him and he was keeping him there to try to control me. At what age can I ever tell him? 😥

I don’t think you should ever tell him. It may be something you want him to know so he’ll think more favorably of you and less of him, but most times no child wants to ever hear or believe anything negative about their parent. Even victims of abuse still long for a relationship with the abusive parent.

amother

Honeydew ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:35 am

How deeply his immaturity, impulsively and stupidity hurts me. He's a teen. I have older and younger kids. Boys and girls. I know it all. I know this one is beyond.
How many days it's ruined for. How many nights I've lost sleep. How hard I've had to fight for him to be allowed to stay in yeshiva (possibly getting expelled on Sunday).
That eventhough he's not the special needs child in the house and I've really made it my business to give him everything he needs, all the love, attention and support, he is my most difficult and hardest to love.
How badly I want him to go to dorm in yeshiva . He would never agree nor would I actually send him because he's just not ready. How hard it was for me to allow him to come home from sleepaway camp after only 1 half.
Eta wow! I needed to get that out!

amother

↑ Honeydew ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:40 am

And to my daughter
How amazing she is. My right hand. Always ready to help. How happy I am that she does well in school, follows the rules and in general is am all around great girl bh. How much nachas she gives me.
Most of this I do tell her from time to time. But what I absolutely cannot tell her is that I am petrified of what I will do and how I will manage when she goes to seminary. But she deserves to go for herself and I won't hold her back for selfish reasons

amother

Winterberry

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 11:50 am

To ds- older teen
It’s because of you that I have so few children.
You are a main reason that our marriage has always been tough.
I feel like I’m on vacation when you’re not home.

amother

↑ Honeydew

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 12:05 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

To ds- older teen
It’s because of you that I have so few children. You are a main reason that our marriage has always been tough.
I feel like I’m on vacation when you’re not home.

I feel so seen. So sorry for all you're going through.

amother

Buttercup

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 12:29 pm

I’m so so sorry for all the suffering in this thread.
personally, I don’t want my kids to know how little I respect their father because of certain ways he acts. I put a lot of effort into hiding it from them.
I also don’t want my son to know that he is the source of much of my pain. He didn’t choose his personality and his struggles.

pgk

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:10 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

To ds- older teen
It’s because of you that I have so few children.
You are a main reason that our marriage has always been tough.
I feel like I’m on vacation when you’re not home.

Are you me?

amother

Firethorn ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:25 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

That her twin died in utero.

She can probably sense that.
As usually a twin who’s a sunset twin feels an emptiness they can’t describe.

amother

Mulberry

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:27 pm

I dont want him to know but this is what I'm holding back. I can't be a parent now. I can't. Yet I am. I am so so sorry.

amother

Lavender

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:27 pm

My oldest daughter: I love you so much it aches.
My second daughter, I love you so much but I sometimes need space
My third daughter: I’m so happy I did not terminate the pregnancy with you. I had medical and halachic permission but I was brave. You are the light of my life

amother

↑ Diamond

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:29 pm

amother Firethorn wrote:

She can probably sense that.
As usually a twin who’s a sunset twin feels an emptiness they can’t describe.

I sometimes think you are right. But I also don't think I can ever tell her. I barely process it. How can she?

amother

↑ Firethorn ↓

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:30 pm

amother Diamond wrote:

I sometimes think you are right. But I also don't think I can ever tell her. I barely process it. How can she?

No need to tell her unless you feel like you want to.
If she was identical she’d feel it more than a fraternal.

amother

↑ Firethorn

Fri, Sep 20 2024, 1:32 pm

My 3 year old.
Some things I didn’t want to tell you. But I know I traumatized you….
I wrote you a letter when those things happened. You were under 1 and I can’t wait until you are grown/married so I can give the letters to you.
They claim you might have ASD. So I really hope you can get married.
You are the light of my life and such an amazing older sibling.

I wish I can save this somehow to show you how I felt when you grow up.

amother

Wine

Sat, Sep 21 2024, 1:03 pm

That I wish I can leave your father but I cant now.

That I care so much about you but my pain is so deep and all I can do now is survive myself.
Im not neglecting you. I just cant now.

That a husband should bring in the money. Period.
That a husband and wife should respect each other.
Run a mile if your husband raises a fist at you.
Never let your husband dtd with you if youre not ready.
The way your father acts is totally not ok.