How long after the zman of candlelighting

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 6:43 am

Does your husband come home from shul on Friday night?

amother

Amber ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 6:49 am

Id say about an hour and 20 minutes later sometimes 1.5 hours after. He likes to stop and shmooze with people on the way home.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 6:54 am

Wow! My husband comes home about 2.5 hours later and sometimes I feel like exploding

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:02 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow! My husband comes home about 2.5 hours later and sometimes I feel like exploding

Davening shouldn't be taking that long unless he's going to a minyan that sings everything and dances. Is he staying to learn after? Do they start really late?

amother

↑ Catmint

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:03 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow! My husband comes home about 2.5 hours later and sometimes I feel like exploding

What is he doing for 2 and a half hours?? Is it a far walk to shul? Is there a long speech before maariv? It’s always been an hour here. Our shul is 5 minutes away so if shabbos is at 7 that’s 15 minutes for mincha then Kabbalos shabbos and maariv so he’s finished before 8 and 5 min to walk home and shmooze on way home

amother

↑ DarkMagenta ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:04 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow! My husband comes home about 2.5 hours later and sometimes I feel like exploding

Wow! Does he daven in a chassidish shul that starts an hour after the zman?
Does he stop in to his parents to say gut shabbos?

amother

↑ Amber ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:05 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

Davening shouldn't be taking that long unless he's going to a minyan that sings everything and dances. Is he staying to learn after? Do they start really late?

Not even then. My kids go to such a minyan on friday night. They are never home later than an hour and a half after shabbos started.
2.5 hours is a lot.

amother

↑ Amber

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:06 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow! My husband comes home about 2.5 hours later and sometimes I feel like exploding

Have you asked him what he is doing for that long?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:10 am

They start 15 min to 1/2 after the zman. Yes, they sing. And the walk takes him at least 20 min. It’s frustrating, because Friday night I’m just so so exhausted and if my toddler sleeps, I sometimes go to sleep as well for an hour because I just can’t keep my eyes open any longer. But, if I go to sleep, then I don’t sleep well when it comes to going to sleep for the night

amother

Lightblue

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:20 am

DH often comes home 2 hours after the zman.
His chassidish shul davens 15 minutes after the zman and then they form a line and wait to wish the Rebbe good Shabbos, that's what takes up most of the time.
Walk is around 10 minutes.

amother

Cyan

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:21 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

Same here.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:35 am

2 hours is long, though it’s not 2.5 hours

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:36 am

And that’s without saying gut Shabbos to the rebbe

amother

↑ DarkMagenta

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:37 am

OP, have you told him that it's hard for you that he comes home so late?

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:43 am

amother DarkMagenta wrote:

OP, have you told him that it's hard for you that he comes home so late?

Yes, and it hurts me even more, because I told him it’s mesiras nefesh on my end, so he said what’s the mesiras nefesh?

ShishKabob

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 7:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes, and it hurts me even more, because I told him it’s mesiras nefesh on my end, so he said what’s the mesiras nefesh?

It is mesiras nefesh for you and it's totally understandable especially if you didn't grow up with it.
Can you try to see how it can work for both of you? Planning in advance usually helps.
Can you nap on friday afternoon while your dh watches the toddler? Hugs

amother

Chambray

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 10:55 am

Op I’m here to commiserate, dh also comes home 2.5 hours after the Zman for similar reasons as yours. It’s not easy in the least bit but I kinda made peace with it. It’s hard watching all the neighbors come home while we’re still waiting.