I just can’t understand it-and I can’t take it either!

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:21 pm

Here is my story:
My husband makes 575k a year but the last couple of years it’s been somewhat less than that because he’s gotten paid in equity under par (don’t ask) so more like 525. Still a lot of money

I make 80-100k.

We have 8 children kh.

We are not making it.

No vacations no second home our house has new kitchen and bathrooms but is otherwise old.

We made a wedding-middle of the road- and paid mostly in cash savings. But that was followed by a huge tax bill that came out of nowhere

Our heloc is maxed out. Our equity stocks is way down so we can’t touch it. We borrowed from our heloc bec we thought the stocks could only go up. Guess again.

All our money goes to tuition. Mortgage. Cc payments. Helix payment. Groceries and household items. Bills. Clothing (not $$ but frequently for our growing kids ). Support for our marries is 2k. our overall expenses monthly are around 30k.

I bought one new sheitel in the past 5 years. I got one piece of jewelry as well.

Bh no therapies for our kids. One child takes music lessons otherwise no extracurricular.

Our credit card bills are insurmountable. When I look through it it’s Groceries. Groceries. Groceries. We don’t eat lavishly. Chicken on shabbos. But 300-400 just for shabbos shopping.
If I’m struggling how is everyone else managing??
How does this make sense??

amother

Honeysuckle

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

I am wondering what the basic breakdown of your monthly expenses are? Mortgage, tuition, insurance, groceries, life insurance, retirement fund etc.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

there is an organization called Mesila that helps with financial management. (I believe there are others, as well). They can help you figure out a budget. I teach a Mesila class in a high school so I know some basics.
basically start with tracking all the money you spend for a couple months. like every bit. even the $3 coffees. also track all the $ coming in. from there, they can help guide you to figure out where your money is going and how you can budget appropriately.
hatzlocha!!!

Bananas! ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

You may benifit from going to a financial advisor and coming up with a budget/tracking where your money is going

queensmom

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:40 pm

Although we make about half what you make we have half amount of kids and don’t have to pay housing or any medical expenses as we have great benefits from work I can see where with 8 kids medical insurance tuition mortgage food clothing/shoes cleaning help maaser utilities phone bills camps/summer expenses yom tov cars life insurance it doesn’t end so even a nice hefty income may feel tight.

amother

Fuchsia ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:40 pm

Look everyone has their definition of normal.
It sounds like you are living a simple lifestyle on your description
But you do realize there are many people w/ large families that are living on a lot less
And posting on this site, for sure that the kinda response you will get
I am not financially knowledgeable to tell where you are spending too much, but my advice is you need to sit down w/ financially knowledgeable person and figure out your budget .

amother

↑ Razzmatazz ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

5500 mortgage
5100 tuition
3700 health insurance
3500 groceries and household (detergent etc)
1000 cars
2000 support
2000 household help (if I don’t have help I can’t work)
1000 bills
2000 heloc
500 credit cards
800 tzedaka
@100-150 personal care (barber)

No retirement savings right now

2k in household help is a lot! Maybe cut back a little. Your kids can do some chores too.

↑ Bananas!

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

30k a month is 360k
That’s about half of your income
You need to track where the rest is going

amother

↑ Fuchsia ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Just my 2 cents & I am not knowledgeable in this at all
5k tuition for 8 kids isn’t a lot
2k for household help is a lot
3500 groceries is reasonable , but could be less I think
Why can’t you pay less in health insurance?
Is child health plus a possibility at all ?
Even at their highest income , you pay much less per kid than private insurance
But you need knowledge broker to guide you in the process
Don’t know what heloc is

amother

Teal

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:50 pm

Bananas! wrote:

30k a month is 360k
That’s about half of your income
You need to track where the rest is going

525k minus taxes isn't much more than 360k.
Cars can be cheaper. Help can be cut down. Support can stop. Your mortgage is high, and so are your health insurance costs. That's tough. I suggest buying a used car for each of you so your monthly payments stop. Also, mobilize your kids to help around the house. Cut it to 500 a month in help. So between dropping support (2k), cutting car payments (1k), saving on household help (1.5k), you can have some breathing room for about 4.5k. That should help a lot. Good luck!

amother

↑ Pewter ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:54 pm

I don’t think there’s much room to cut except for household help. $2K per month for marrieds (noting the plural) is actually not a lot considering the commitments expected nowadays at all income levels. Health insurance is a big issue in NY for people at higher income levels. $3700 looks accurate to me based on the research I did when trying to figure out if I can swing a consulting situation vs full time work. No subsidies CHP etc at that income level.
With interest rates the way they are now, I’d focus a lot of resources to paying down the HELOC. I imagine your monthly payment was significantly less when rates were lower.