If you have a teen who refuses medical treatment...

amother

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:16 pm

Like chemotherapy or surgery or other crucial medical treatments or necessary medication that cannot be made more palateable- regardless of any incentives or consequences- what do you do? I understand why. Dc is miserable with them. And is willing to roll the dice at this point about what happens next in order to actually enjoy and experience life. But dc isn't in a situation where whether the treatment helps or not could go equally either way- as long as it's continued, with Hashem's help it should be fine, and over.

I don't want sympathy posts (hearts are fine). I'm looking for help. Dc refuses all therapy.

mha3484

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:37 pm

How about a big brother/sister situation where someone their ageish who has been there done that can talk to them? I think chai lifeline matches up people who went through illness with those going through it now.

amother

Almond

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 1:46 pm

Do you have a Rav? Someone this teen trusts?
Or a big brother.

I have a different type of situation going on, not medical but also big life issues and it humbled me to allow a specific organization into my life.

Whenever there's an issue there's this big brother that somehow handles it way better than me.

Go for it.

amother

Bellflower ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 4:17 pm

This might be controversial, but you don’t have to give your teen a choice. The decision to start or stop treatment is yours, not your teen’s. Think about what you’d do if it was a young child. I know this is easier said than done, but it IS possible.

giftedmom

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 4:20 pm

If this would definitely or probably save their life? I’d tie them down if I had to. No different if they were a danger to themselves in some other way. Ofcourse I’d try other methods first. They can hate me but at least they’d be alive to do it.

Molly Weasley ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:39 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

I was going to write this, but I couldn't bring myself to without hurting OP.

Well done!

amother

Calendula ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:44 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

And then you end up with a teen - now young adult - with severe medical trauma who also hates their parents and doesn't have that relationship. Is it worth it? Possibly it would depend on the situation. Should you try everything else first? Absolutely yes.

This isn't the type of thing where you go, I'm the parent and I will exert my authority. You're causing trauma, violating their body, and inflicting serious pain. This isn't like insisting they do their homework or no more screentime.

Save this idea for if there is absolutely no other choice.

amother

Anemone

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:48 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Says someone who doesn't have a teen. A teen is usually the size and weight of an adult. A child you can pick up and put into the car. What do you suggest, drug the teen up and tie her up and put in the car. When the teen is already at the hospital, should you handcuff her to the treatment chair?

amother

Lightpink

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 7:20 pm

Has the child had a real discussion with doctors in which he is treated as an adult and showed what happens with no treatment

Are there groups of other kids with this disease that he can speak with

Have you talked to the doctors in terms of getting some kind of psychological intervention from someone who specializes in this. I ask because this is not the first time doctors/medical providers have dealt with teenagers who don't want life saving medical treatment for one reason or another.

And while I understand you can't pick up a child and kidnap them, the bottom line is that until a child is 18 a parent is in charge of medical treatment. If the child is over 17, perhaps there is less a parent can do because realistically one wants to find a way for the child to be self motivated for the treatment since at 18 they can legally stop medical care. But if a child is 15 there is a good possibility that with the right psychological help and support, the child is going to be grateful that the treatment gave them the possibility of a normal healthy life.

amother

Freesia ↓

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 9:45 pm

Molly Weasley wrote:

I was going to write this, but I couldn't bring myself to without hurting OP.

Well done!

Not so simple. A teen does have some autonomy within the medical system- especially an older teen. Is there a mental health issue like depression that could be addressed?

amother

Ecru

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 10:20 pm

Have you and the teen had an open and honest conversation with the dr?

Did you mention how old the child is? 13 is very different to 17.

Speak to the dr and a psychologist.
There might actually be legal issues.
If a sick child in your care doesn’t receive the treatment they need there could be legal ramifications.

My child was refusing medication for a mental health issue for a long time. But it reached a point that the dr basically told them, if you don’t agree to take the medicine we will have to put you in hospital and give it to you.

If a child ch’v dies because they refused cancer medication the dr will be liable .

I hope this post wasn’t too harsh.
Being sick and having a sick child is hell.
Wishing your child a complete and lasting refuah sheleima, and you Menucha and nachas.

NotFunny

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 10:59 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

Unfortunately in todays day, depending on state, from 11-12 years old kids have a say and doctors need their consent…

amother

↑ Freesia

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 11:04 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

No dr would be liable because the child refused treatment.

↑ Molly Weasley

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:35 am

amother Calendula wrote:

We obviously don’t know the age, and forcing should be a last resort. Ultimately, the adult must make the right medical decisions and be prepared to accept the outcomes of tough love. Sad

amother

Leaf

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 3:08 am

I don’t think forcing is the way to go. The doctors won’t proceed if you need to tie him up or whatever else people are suggesting. I do think connecting him with other people who fought this battle will do wonders. Hatzlacha and refuah shelema