Was put down about clothing - now obssesed

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:55 pm

Growing up my mother always put us down for if we wanted something nice, I always had to beg for clothing that looked good on me and I ususally never got it. she would sometimes buy me nice shabbos dressed, but I never had things for the weekday that looked normal. now that im married and have kids I feel like my gashmius desire is unleashed and im obsessed with clothing and looking good. help it just all of a sudden started and I cant stop looking at clothing websites and talking about clothing with my friends and what clothing theyre buying for this season for their kids. I cant I feel so gashmiyusdik. I need someone to make me feel better about this.

amother

Melon ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:57 pm

It's a very normal reaction to the neglect you felt hen you were growing up, you want to make sure your kids don't ever feel the same way.
Therapy might be a good idea.

amother

Hunter

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:58 pm

Same but for me- my mom did buy me nice clothes but very little. I got sent to camp with 2 skirts. I remember one year that one skirt ripped and I only had one skirt for that summer in camp.

My kids bring 20 Tiros to camp. The girls have enough clothes so that I don’t have to do laundry for a week and a half.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:03 pm

amother Melon wrote:

It's a very normal reaction to the neglect you felt hen you were growing up, you want to make sure your kids don't ever feel the same way.
Therapy might be a good idea.

Wow thats so validating thats exactly it!

Putting therapy aside, just trying to figure out is it a bad thing to buy my kids a lot of nice clothing? meaning is it feeding into something bad? or should I just accept it and appreciate that my kids have this and they can look presentable?

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:04 pm

amother Hunter wrote:

thats really traumatic. Im sorry. and good im happy for your kids

amother

↑ Melon

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

As long as you're buying according to your means and not going into debt, I can't see what's wrong with having nice cloths.

amother

Stonewash

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I would try not to go overboard. A normal amount that regular people buy.
It's important not to parent from a place of trauma.