Ds in nursery refusing to go to the bathroom

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 12:12 pm

My just 3 year old ds is in nursery and refusing to use the toilet. Holding it in all day. My husband works there and made him go once or twice, maybe lets teachers take him once in a while.

My husband thinks they may kick him out. The teacher told him to go and he said my mommy said I don't have to and the teacher said your totty says you do. And my son told her my tottys gonna kill you Can't Believe It

I'm pretty sure he's anxious about new school etc but what can I do???

amother

Salmon

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:02 pm

Can you go to school and show him the bathroom and maybe sit with him a little till he relaxes and uses it? It might take a few tries but eventually he’ll feel safe enough to use it without you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:03 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

Can you go to school and show him the bathroom and maybe sit with him a little till he relaxes and uses it? It might take a few tries but eventually he’ll feel safe enough to use it without you.

I thought about doing that but dh has already done that and I really don't want him thinking I'm going to be taking him. Maybe will try if no improvement soon though.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:09 pm

I would say to talk to him about it…. Make sure he knows that you agree with the teacher and want him to use the bathroom there….. also let him have an accident or two how would he feel about that?

amother

Carnation

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:10 pm

I had it when my kid was 2.5
I bought her a potty for school
it was easier for her to sit onto and she felt comfortable
after a few weeks, I told the teacher to hide it and the kid was ok to try the toilet again

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:00 am

My 4 year old refused to use the bathroom in kindergarten. He refused last year in daycare too.
I don't force him. The teacher once tried and he ended up with tears.
So, yes, he holds in. He has had only 1 accident in the past year.
As soon as he comes home, the first thing I do is take him straight to the bathroom.

Why are you forcing him?

My older DS did the same and for years didn't use the bathroom in school. He's 10 now and just recently started.

When they're ready, they will.

Don't traumatize him or make it a battle. It will just make it worse.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:05 am

amother Cerulean wrote:

We are going to take a step back, but I do know this child can't hold it quite that long!

kenz

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:17 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm pretty sure he's anxious about new school etc but what can I do???

Lol to the Totty line.
I think it’s a fairly common problem and will work itself out as he adjusts. I can’t imagine a school kicking a kid out for that, at least not so quickly.

amother

Valerian

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:46 am

My son refuses to use the bathroom in school too. He’s 3.5, and he used the bathroom once the entire year last year. He didn’t have any accidents, just kept it in till he got home.
In general he’s a finicky kid, so after trying a few times to convince him to go at school I gave up. Not gonna force him to do something he is so uncomfortable doing.
Though I wonder if it will be different this year as he gets older.

amother

Hunter

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 9:38 pm

My 8 year old prefers to not use the bathroom in school and rushes to the bathroom when he gets home. Many small children are afraid of the toilet. We used an insert at that age because my son was tiny.

Imateacher

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 9:53 pm

My son was also scared to use the bathroom. The morah bribed him with candy slowly first just to pull his pants down then the next day to actually relive himself. I felt so bad that he held it for six hours Sad

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 12:19 pm

Well he managed not to have accidents the first week but now two days in a row he refused to go and had accidents. The rule is if it happens a third time Mommy has to come pick up kid.

He's been really impossible, even giving me a hard time at home sometimes, going when he is clutching himself and it's really too late.

amother

Jean

Tue, Sep 17 2024, 12:45 pm

My son who was the same age was like that I spoke with him and said he needs to go to the toilet and as long as he goes and makes, it doesn't matter where it aims even if it ends up going on the floor it doesn't matter and if he needs poo but doesn't want to ask them to wipe he can try himself and if not just pull up your pants and I will clean you at home.
Since that talk it wasn't a problem.

I suppose he was self conscious of what if I can't manage or get the toilet surroundings wet.

My nephew also had a problem and he was afraid of someone locking him in the toilet stall...