Creative Solutions to the Expensive Wedding Crisis

amother

Lightcyan ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:09 pm

Thank you OP for spurring us on to thinking of creative solutions. I can’t think of any offhand. Just to share my experience with destination wedding : it was a very close relative , so DH and me with all our kids ranging from HS to baby had to go. My older kids have good memories of it , my younger don’t remember. I remember it plainly as a pain in the neck and quite expensive . Of course I was thrilled for the chassan kallah and parents but it took a lot of from us to be there :money, time, money, travel, money, jet lag, money , .

thanks

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:18 pm

ainodmilvado1 wrote:

This is GOLD!!! This alone was worth the whole post.

There is no requirement for random acquaintances to go to a wedding. Only go to a wedding that you want to go to. That's not a reason to move a wedding far away. Only invite those that mean something to you, and only go if you feel close.

Last edited by thanks on Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Frumomsi

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:20 pm

I would love for us to embrace creative solution but not create more issues. Families cannot drop everything for a few days for a wedding. There are jobs and school to attend.

We do need to scale back though! I love the idea of keeping acquaintances safely ensconced at home!

I also think we need to scale back the list of diamond gifts we buy and even how much the couple needs in the way of housewares and other “stuff!

amother

↑ Blush ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:20 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

I'm not a big dancer but whatever people did back in the shtetl should still work fine today

Let's say back in the shtetl only men danced (as is done today before the badeken and after the chuppah). Would that magically make kallos feel less excluded if there was no women's dancing at their chasunos?

↑ Boca00 ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:29 pm

Frumomsi wrote:

Yes I hear you 💯%!

Ok so let's talk about gifts.

I had friends who got the standard gifts and were kvetching about them. It shocked me. It's not even a gift anymore at that point.

What can we cut out? What do we need to keep?

Personally, I think the diamond ring and wedding band were the most meaningful to me but I would have been happy with a lab diamond.
Influencers, I'm looking at you. Make this an on-trend, totally cool thing.

amother

Kiwi

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:36 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

From the costs of marrying off a child the actual wedding is a tenth of the price.
It is setting up the couple
Houseware
Linens
It is the gifts
It is the vort and shabbos sheva brachos
Shadchan payment
Wigs
Kalla classes….
Don’t think your solution will save that much

So let's cut these all out.

You dont need expensive houseware, linen, gifts. The vort and Shabbos sheva brochos can be simplified. Wigs and kallah classes you can't cut out, but there's a lot that you can.

↑ Boca00 ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:39 pm

amother Kiwi wrote:

Truth.
I got two sets of Corelle from my aunt (she got them as a wedding gift and didn't need them). After I was married I saved up and bought a beautiful set of China that I love.

I didn't get expensive linen either. I got a set from Macy's that I picked out (I think on sale). Since then I've bought my own linen, no fancy duvet covers but pretty linen that I like.

Who cares. I was so happy to be getting married, I would have been fine getting married in an elevator.

Last edited by Boca00 on Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:09 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ Boca00 ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:41 pm

Genius wrote:

A kosher destination wedding for 10k?! One suitcase is 10k. This is a joke.

The only two solutions I have (because I like to celebrate in style) is to either find rich mechutanim, or you have no choice but to become rich yoself.

Ay ay ay

Ah, I see why they call you genius!
Now why didn't I think of that? 🤔

amother

Burgundy

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:42 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

Well all those things are definitely expensive but they it actually makes sense to spend money on houseware linens wigs that are necessary to start a home and will last many years.

The insanity of weddings is spending tens of thousands on one night event that's over within a few hours and and where half the attendees aren't really interested in being there

↑ Boca00 ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:44 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

Yes exactly, it's so insane. Even if you had the money wouldn't you rather it go towards a down payment?

How do we avoid offending people without spending thousands of dollars?

amother

Ruby ↓

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:47 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

I don't think so. Why does a young couple need expensive housewares or linens? Even setting up their home with every possible item. It's just not necessary. They can start with the basics and buy things as they go along.

If the couple doesn't have the financial resources to buy things as needed, that's a bigger problem. And then perhaps giving them a lump sum? Or better yet financial backing before they start is more useful than buying them more dishes than they need at the time and more furniture than they're currently using

amother

Sage

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:53 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

There's a community, I forgot which one, the chosson/kallah pay for their own weddings and their children each pay for their own weddings too.
this way the parents dont need to worry multiple times and keep running into debt. its once in a lifetime expense per person

This would solve so many problems. If the couple pays for the stuff themselves, watch how quickly they don't need 3/4 of what is done now.

It would also eliminate the pressure to do whatever else is doing, because the couple themselves can decide how much money they want to flush down for one night. Many will have the brains to save the money for more important stuff like a down payment and people will begin making individual choices.

As long as Tatty and Mommt are paying for it all, they want it all. They have little stake in the costsn so why not demand it all.

amother

↑ Ruby

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 11:54 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

amother

Midnight

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:05 am

In my opinion, speaking about Brooklyn, the minimum of the wedding halls is way too high.
We invite half the world because we're forced to pay for it.
Most of us, in Brooklyn, have several weddings a week. Several close weddings per year.
I absolutely loved the covid weddings. We were 50 people who all belonged there, we were close family. It was a warm and intimate atmosphere.
If halls would lower their minimums, the baal simcha would save money and guests wouldn't have to run out night after night attending weddings when they'd much rather be lounging on their couches.

amother

Lightcoral

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:26 am

My solution for making an affordable wedding list for only inviting people that we actually feel very close to . I did not invite a lot of neighbors that I literally just say hello to maybe a few times a year. I live in Israel, so their neighbors that I do see often but if I haven’t had real conversation with them in three months, then they don’t need to be invited. My kids invited their close friends. Not every acquaintance the wedding was under $20,000 and we split it in half so it was $10,000 a person for a 200 person wedding. That included everything but clothing and make up each side paid for themselves. I’m not talking about anything that we did to set up the apartment. I’m talking literally about the wedding because it seems like that’s what you’re talking about. Their wedding was a beautiful venue. The food was great. There was a buffet beforehand , they did have a DJ instead of a band I need know what I don’t think anyone cared everyone dance night away and had an amazing time. I know I’m saying I’m Israel, but it was a very nice wedding in Israel, not a. Chesed Wedding where everything is discounted. The food was steaks and dark meat chicken and very delicious. I don’t understand why anybody needs to go over the top for a wedding and invite every single person they know. I honestly think that a destination wedding from Israel will probably have cost me more money. Well, definitely to Costa Rica. My son is there now and I know how expensive is! This tickets are for two people or $6000. And we travel a lot so I know the traveling from Israel has not so cheap right now. There are no bargain tickets anywhere, especially if you want to go, g

amother

Feverfew ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:35 am

amother Kiwi wrote:

Yes this.

Our vort was in someone's living room with plates of rugelach and bowls of chocolate lentils. Nobody was there for the food.

Shabbos Sheva Brachos was eating the Shabbos seudah at a family that has a lot of guests. My in-laws were there, my parents were not (different city). It was not meant to be a family reunion, just a Sheva Brachos!

We got Corelle dishes, cheap linen, a secondhand table, hand-me-down couch and no fancy bedroom furniture.

I wouldn't change a thing.

↑ synthy

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:43 am

amother Sage wrote:

Yes, yes, yes. I’ve been preaching this for years, but look at the other thread - people think it’s insane that a girl should pay for her own stuff.