Creative Solutions to the Expensive Wedding Crisis

↑ shabbatiscoming

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:30 am

amother Alyssum wrote:

I am so happy that my ds is getting married, but would totally be fine to skip the big wedding. However, we just met with one of our vendors to discuss plans and I could see how the Kallah’s face was literally shining with joy. I totally agree that costs must be kept within your budget and means, but how could we deprive her of a celebration. No destination wedding for us. I appreciate OP’s creativity, but don’t think that works. Perhaps the answer is to make smaller guest lists?

Every kallh can and should know that life events have a budget and a cap at what they can have.
Its that simple.

Raisin

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:42 am

Chayalle wrote:

I remember attending my cousin's wedding in England some years back. The Chuppah was in a shul or school? something like that, and right after the chuppah there was a reception, which resembled a Kiddush in the US - there were little sandwiches, cakes/miniatures, salads, coffee and tea, drinks, etc...and people stopped in on the way home from work, with their kids still in their school uniforms.....and I remember my grandmother (she should live to 120) told me that this is how it was when she grew up, after the Chuppah there would be a party (and she told me they would serve crisps! Potato chips, which were apparently a new and fancy snack) and everyone came.
Later that night they had a dinner for family and close friends, which was very elegant actually.

I wonder, though, if the total cost of the English wedding is cheaper than a Lakewood Takanah wedding.

Also at English weddings I have been at (at mine and at others the reception was before the Chuppah) the reception is set up by volunteers, the baal simcha just pays for the food.

There are also takana weddings in the UK I think.

The whole minimum number things doesn't make sense to me. Just buy less food and hire less staff.

amother

↑ Blush

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:48 am

amother Midnight wrote:

In my opinion, speaking about Brooklyn, the minimum of the wedding halls is way too high.
We invite half the world because we're forced to pay for it.
Most of us, in Brooklyn, have several weddings a week. Several close weddings per year.
I absolutely loved the covid weddings. We were 50 people who all belonged there, we were close family. It was a warm and intimate atmosphere.
If halls would lower their minimums, the baal simcha would save money and guests wouldn't have to run out night after night attending weddings when they'd much rather be lounging on their couches.

Of course it would be great if halls lowered their minimums. But the marginal cost of the food for each additional guest is relatively low compared to the fixed costs (namely the cost of the hall and its furnishings, dishes, etc.; but also the cooking staff, the electricity, even the music/photographer in a "all in one bundle"). Lowering the minimums would decrease the profit margin. The people who run halls aren't in a rush to lower the minimums because they would earn less and possibly the whole venture wouldn't be worth it for them.

amother

↑ Fern ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:50 am

Chayalle wrote:

I have no idea about comparing to Lakewood but I'm sure a wedding like that would come out way cheaper than what we pay in Israel for a wedding in a hall.

I wish the norm here was more like what you describe.

Is there dancing at the reception? At the dinner? Someone above mentioned something about simchas chasan v'kallah after the meal - though honestly I think that would be a tircha for most of the guests!

↑ Chayalle ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:56 am

amother Fern wrote:

There was dancing at both the reception (they called it a shuffle) and later at the dinner (much more dancing).

amother

↑ Aquamarine ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:34 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Exactly, it hasn't changed much. I think a wedding would cost around £15k, not sure what that is in dollars.

amother

↑ Aquamarine

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:37 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Yes, when the chosson and kallah come in from the yichud room, there's up to 10-15 minutes of dancing, although some people it's only a few minutes. Then is the queue of people trying to catch the kallah to say mazal tov.
Then in the dinner there's the first dancing when the chosson and kallah come in, usually some more mid meal, then the main extended dancing is at the end of the meal. It's usually around 10.30. There will be people who will come for the dancing only, usually more of the kallah's or chosson's friends. And most of the older crowd will slowly disappear until it's only the family and friends left.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:43 pm

amother Bone wrote:

I didn’t know there was an expensive wedding crisis. You can do a 300 person wedding in Baltimore for 10k

sorry, its not 10k anymore.
The cheapest wedding package in Baltimore with no upgrades at all is $14,900, and thats with very basic music, no fancy speakers etc. (my child got married in Baltimore in 2024 so this is up to date info)

amother

Waterlily

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:14 pm

RM3 wrote:

The problem is that most of the expense of making a wedding is not the actual event!

This. People are missing the point here & on the other threads. A wedding night can be done on a cheaper scale & is becoming pretty common in my circles (gemach flowers, pre recorded music etc).

The other expenses are harder to keep in check with the crazy inflation & all. Shadchan payment, security deposit & a couple months rent on an apartment, wigs, gifts- even if you're sticking to more basic everything is more expensive than just a few years back.

Every party even if you host at home has become very expensive- try to host a vort at home under $1,000 for food & disposables.

Elfrida

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 2:46 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Both my sisters weddings were like this.

Another good thing about is is that you arent waiting ages for the chattan and kallah to come out of the cheder yichud and take photos. The photos are all scheduled for the mid afternoon gap. That break us also a great time to touch up hair and make up.

I know one couple who used that time to go and visit their grandparents in hospital, who hadn't been able to get to the wedding. The whole ward very very excited to see them!

One potential extra expense in doing this, is that some people decide they need different dresses for the afternoon and evening, doubling the cost of outfits for the family. We didn't, but some people do. I think in America there is more possibility of that becoming 'the standard' and then it not being acceptable to wear the same dress (except the kallah).

shemsheli123 ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:11 pm

amother Blush wrote:

Let's say back in the shtetl only men danced (as is done today before the badeken and after the chuppah). Would that magically make kallos feel less excluded if there was no women's dancing at their chasunos?

Dancing doesn't need to be a roadblock here. We had a family chasuna during covid. The family got permisson from the city to temporarily block off the street, just like people do for a hachnosas sefer torah, they power washed the street before the wedding, and there was plenty of dancing space!

↑ Chayalle

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:15 pm

shemsheli123 wrote:

But what about mechitza?

I was actually at a gorgeous wedding in my neighborhood which was at the end of the COVID period. It was in a beautiful backyard on my block, and they have a tall hedge surrounding the property in the back. The ladies danced inside the hedge, and the men danced on the outside.

(In terms of cost, I heard they did not save much. The cost of bringing refrigerated trucks, china, etc...for the dinner cost more per person than a takanah wedding in a hall.) But the outdoor wedding on a gorgeous day (their mazal!) could not be replicated elsewhere.

amother

Apple

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 6:41 pm

I come from a large family, and many live locally. I cant just say this cousin of yours can come as I am close to her & her mother, but that cousin can't as I'm not so close to her. With 250 must invite family guests (without the other side), I would love to know how to reduce the number of people without offending anyone.

amother

↑ Lightcyan

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:54 pm

Another Ima chiming in : all my weddings I had to invite more people than I would have liked to - because all the 4 halls I’ve used had minimum guest numbers. So I have to pay for that amount of people anyway. Whether or not there are that many guests , whether or not we need that much food/waitstaff . It’s maddening . The halls should lower their minimum guest number. It would help across the board.